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Joined: Nov 2006
Posts: 4
Newbie
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Newbie
Joined: Nov 2006
Posts: 4 |
Well I agree you should be yourself and he should be himself if things are to go well. Usually the first date is a nervous affair and quite exciting too for you are meeting a new persona a new face. Who knows if you meet some one nice and warm and likable and loving you life takes a positive turn God bless! Best Wishes dating site
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Joined: Aug 2007
Posts: 1,112
Parakeet
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Parakeet
Joined: Aug 2007
Posts: 1,112 |
Obviously there are things you notice that are attractive or not but what I listen for is if their life in general is compatible with mine.
For example, I don't do any kind of drugs and would not tolerate someone in my life who does. I rarely drink and would not tolerate someone in my life who has a problem with drinking.
I live in sunny Florida, if I ever move, it won't be anywhere cold. When someone starts talking about how much they miss New York or where ever, I get nervous. I will not even be visiting cold climates for the holidays so parents in a cold state are enough for me to get ONE foot out the door. Give me the sand ad surf for Christmas and you can keep the snow.
I have one child, there are things that are just not consistent with the right environment for her, that is my primary concern. Rather then staying around for more dates, trying to force a round peg into a square hole, its best to not go any further.
I had one guy tell me that he had been involved (not married) with the same woman for 20 years (according to him she was half crazy), during that time she had gotten pregnant and they decided an abortion was better, according to him because he felt she was so crazy, that of course didn't keep him from continuing to sleep with her. Then he told me that when the relationship broke up, he spent a week in a mental facility because this woman had threatened him. Of course he kicked her out, but let her come back 6 months later (I assume she was still crazy at this point), then of course he kicked her out again but she still comes over to "visit the cat" OH and did I mention his EX girlfriend still cuts and perms his hair? OH then there was that little bit of going to a casino and blowing 8 grand. Of course he also admitted to smoking pot which I know alot of people do but IT IS STILL ILLEGAL and nothing I would want done around my child. I almost forgot one of the best parts, he is also internet obsessed, talking about the people online as if they are real people in his life and how he is going to teach them a lesson etc. He seems like an obsessive personality.
After the first revelation I wanted to RUN. That was over right away. I was just staggered at the amount of baggage this guy had AND how he was so proud of it.
I just have to ask...what worse could he say?? I do admit that he never said he had been in prison so I guess he had that on his side.
NEXT !!
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Joined: Dec 2005
Posts: 239
Shark
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Shark
Joined: Dec 2005
Posts: 239 |
I would look for how he interacts with others. Does he treat them with respect? Pay attention when/if he talks about his last trip out with the guys...where did he go, what did he do? Does he seem to be the type that knows everything about any topic and talks alot about himself, leaving you no room to speak? If so, beware...my experience with those types is that they usually think they are better than others and have a tendency to belittle others and possibly you. Also I notice what his hobbies are. It is nice to have a partner you enjoy doing things with. Finally, and probably most important, I notice his car and his shoes. Are both clean and well kept? Or dirty and run down? This can say alot about a person and their TRUE personality (i.e. Are they ambitious?) Note that I am not looking for a new car or new shoes - only if they are clean and well maintained. An old car and old shoes may have scuffs/dents, but can still be well kept.
How can you prove whether at this moment we are sleeping, and all our thoughts are a dream; or whether we are awake, and talking to one another in the waking state?
-- Plato --
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Joined: Aug 2007
Posts: 1,112
Parakeet
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Parakeet
Joined: Aug 2007
Posts: 1,112 |
Obviously there are things you notice that are attractive or not but what I listen for is if their life in general is compatible with mine.
For example, I don't do any kind of drugs and would not tolerate someone in my life who does. I rarely drink and would not tolerate someone in my life who has a problem with drinking.
I live in sunny Florida, if I ever move, it won't be anywhere cold. When someone starts talking about how much they miss New York or where ever, I get nervous. I will not even be visiting cold climates for the holidays so parents in a cold state are enough for me to get ONE foot out the door. Give me the sand ad surf for Christmas and you can keep the snow.
I have one child, there are things that are just not consistent with the right environment for her, that is my primary concern. Rather then staying around for more dates, trying to force a round peg into a square hole, its best to not go any further.
I had one guy tell me that he had been involved (not married) with the same woman for 20 years (according to him she was half crazy), during that time she had gotten pregnant and they decided an abortion was better, according to him because he felt she was so crazy, that of course didn't keep him from continuing to sleep with her. Then he told me that when the relationship broke up, he spent a week in a mental facility because this woman had threatened him. Of course he kicked her out, but let her come back 6 months later (I assume she was still crazy at this point), then of course he kicked her out again but she still comes over to "visit the cat" OH and did I mention his EX girlfriend still cuts and perms his hair? OH then there was that little bit of going to a casino and blowing 8 grand. Of course he also admitted to smoking pot which I know alot of people do but IT IS STILL ILLEGAL and nothing I would want done around my child. I almost forgot one of the best parts, he is also internet obsessed, talking about the people online as if they are real people in his life and how he is going to teach them a lesson etc. He seems like an obsessive personality.
After the first revelation I wanted to RUN. That was over right away. I was just staggered at the amount of baggage this guy had AND how he was so proud of it.
I just have to ask...what worse could he say?? I do admit that he never said he had been in prison so I guess he had that on his side.
NEXT !! After this date was over, he and I spoke on the phone, I pointed out some things that I felt made us incompatible, I was very nice and left out the really bad things, I told him good luck and goodbye. Now he is haunting a friend of mine, wondering where I am, why am I not talking to him...then as he is finishing up his conversation with my friend, he tells her he is going out to get drunk that night...ever little thing I hear makes me realize I made the right decision, although I evidently didn't make things clear to him when I did it. I hate stupid people.
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Joined: Sep 2007
Posts: 727
Gecko
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Gecko
Joined: Sep 2007
Posts: 727 |
I went to a girls school and had much younger brothers so was terribly shy around males. I hated dating and did very little - my husband was a friend first so that made it easier.
I think feeling comfortable with someone is important - where there is an easy and interesting/stimulating exchange of ideas, opinions etc.
Also, I agree someone compatible - similar value and moral standards. I think manners are very important and for me open mindedness - I didn't want someone traditional - I wanted to pursue a career, travel and be independent so wasn't interested in someone looking for a stay at home wife and mother.
I also think its best to take things slowly...it astounds me how quickly people move today - before they really know someone - I think there was something nice about the old fashioned courtship.
A psychologist (at a dinner party) once told me if a woman sleeps with a man very quickly they will have a sexual relationship - if you wait until there is an emotional attachment you can go on to a full relationship (and hopefully, lasting)
I must say some of the stories I hear from my workmates are both funny and sad - one of our PA's went on a date with our accountant - both in their early 30s - he talked about money and sex all night - when the bill arrived they went dutch but he insisted she put in an extra $8.95 to cover the side salad as he hadn't eaten any of it. She didn't quite have the right money and he was owed $1.75 so he stopped at a service station on the way to her home so she could get change and they could settle up....needless to say, there will be no second date. I know both people - he can't understand why she's not interested in seeing him again and wanted my opinion - I didn't know where to start!
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Avon
by Angie - 05/20/25 08:42 AM
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