How many of us have had a falling out with a friend?
I was teaching today and an old friend, S, came into the store where i work to ask for my phone number. We're polite to eachother, but it was a little awkward, you know what i mean? We used to be very close friends until one day, unexpectedly, she got mad at me, quit talking to me, and slandered me to another friend (her cousin) who also quit talking to me... all because I didn't show up to a party because i was having one of the worst days of my life. I got equally mad with her then when she refused to talk it out and try to resolve the issue (she never did talk to me even ONCE about why she was mad), but i'm not the first person she's suddenly cut off from her life... she's done it to most people in turn. She started talking to me again about 3 years ago by email to ask me to do something for her. I said no, get real!, and told her i didn't really want to be close to her until she dealt with one or two of her issues and was healthier to be around.
Well, the thing is, after that, her ex-boyfriend of 8 years became one of my closest friends. He's pretty much family to me now, at least that's how we see it... there's no attraction between us, we just feel more like a close brother and sister. And he feels she's the love of his life. He's dating people now, but he never got over her. Recently she started talking to him again, too, and she might start working for his company. Last night he called me, upset, because she told him yesterday that she's engaged to a guy she's been dating.. well we're not sure how long she's been dating this new guy, but she was dating and living with someone else less than 2 months ago so it couldn't have been very long she's been with this new guy! She's got a really good heart, but she's a pretty "messy" person, if you know what i mean. She's never had a job longer than a year (she's in her 30's), she goes from boyfriend to boyfriend to support her, she's a former anorexic and a recovered alcoholic (fortunately she eats well and hasn't been drinking for many years), but see what i mean by messy? She does her best and she's a loving person, and i think that's why so many people love her, particularly when they know the childhood she had to overcome.
So, it's just a little awkward to see her again, and a little painful, but i think she's trying to get close to her old friends again, myself and her ex-boyfriend (my brother-friend) included. I loved her very much, but even now i still feel hurt and angry that she cut me out of her life without even a discussion, and i don't feel i did anything particularly wrong to deserve it, and she STILL has never talked about it or said she was sorry. And... i'm not sure i trust her yet. She's living with her mom because she still isn't supporting herself and now she's engaged to someone she hardly knows. Seems like she's doing the same old thing.
Lot's of us have had difficult friendships or relationships with syblings. I'd like to hear other people's stories and... how did you finally deal with it????! Did you forgive? Did you cut them out of your life? Something in between? And why? Thanks.
Last edited by hollyelise; 04/26/08 04:45 PM.
