This is a great topic. I think WORK is the big time sucker, and I'd rather paid for being on this forum instead.
My husband does seem to get bingo'd quite often, though I don't think it causes him as much anxiety as me. Sometimes, but not in general. And he never has to face a room full of women at a baby shower or work event all ganging up on him about it like me. He does get those "you're depriving your wife of being a complete woman" comments sometimes, which is really annoying. I don't agree with the entitlement women who think they are "owed" a baby simply because they are female. If they can support their own child financially, that is a different story, but if their entitlement rides on someone else having to give up the life they want, it doesn't seem right to me.
I actually skipped that baby shower last weekend for my SIL (the no gifts one). I forgot to mention the main event instead of gift giving was pedicures. I can't stand pedicures, so that was not appealing to me. But I do feel bad for skipping it because I can tell she's mad...my DH has been calling her to see how her pregnancy is going and she won't call him back. Maybe I should have sucked it up and gone, but it was so nice not going. Sigh.
Anyway, this forum does take up a huge amount of time. The hours just seem to fly by. My DH is one of those non-computer, active types, so has trouble "getting it." Of course he has no idea how MUCH time I spend here. But you're absolutely right that it saves him having to talk with me about it as much as I need to. When we tried to talk about closing our sperm bank account for example, I said, "Will you make the call then, because it's hard for me?" and he said, "I don't want this to turn into an argument." Conversation closed, and we haven't had time to talk again. So, I don't always get the support and talking I need all from him. It's too close sometimes, and he has mixed feelings too. It's hard to always "catch him" in the right mood at the right time.
This forum has saved me from trying to get into therapy over it. And if it makes me feel okay to be CF (which it has immensely more than pre-forum), then I'd say it's saving me $300K or whatever I'd spend raising a child over the next 2 decades. So, I rationalize that it's time well spent if looked at that way.
Considering where I was before finding this forum...commuting 1 hour each way to a fertility clinic every week or more, buying ovulating kits, spending gobs of money we don't have on random medical procedures, taking medications I don't need or want, arguing with husband (well, that's not completely resolved) feeling tortured about doing all of the above because I was having bigtime doubts...well, that was a much bigger time suck.
It's turned into more for me anyway. It's a wonderful outlet, and I feel much more connected to likeminded people who are willing to discuss the big issues in life. I'm really grateful for it, and for all of you.
Though, I do feel like I spend way too much time here.
