Your article hit the nail on the head, Tami. But gosh, it's so hard! I mean, there are so many people who know me who at once dumped lots of judgment on me, and are not in my life now because, for whatever reason, rightly or wrongly, they did not approve. I carry a sense of guilt from that. There was a lot of slander, but i had changed too and gone through a rough time and i said some things which i regret. And today i get disapproval from new friends who think i should be doing this or that for myself and i am not able yet to do, even though i want to so much for reasons of my own. So they become disappointed in me and say so, and that hurts. It's frustrating. It's hard to accept myself as i am now. I don't want limitations. I don't want to accept limitations. I don't want to accept excuses. I don't believe excuses are a way to regain control over my destiny. So how do i balance these two things? They seem irreconcilable.
Hi Holly,
I completely understand what you are saying. Even to this day, I feel MISUNDERSTOOD by a lot of people as to who I am and what I am capable of. They judge me by their own values and belief systems. Yes, there are times when it
really hurts and yet, I have chosen to grow through the adversity. In fact, as I grow, they don't seem to have the power to hurt me the way that they used to.
The key word for me is "misunderstood". The truth is that these people have never walked in my shoes. When I was struggling with infections and severe Chronic Fatigue, people could be really nasty. I too lost some friends and almost lost my marriage. Even now that I am struggling with an injury, people judge me because I'm not getting better fast enough for their liking. The fact is, people will always find something to criticize us about. What happens with me cannot be ABOUT THEM.
I'm only sharing this to let you know I understand what you are saying. I also want to share that we can truly get beyond what "they" think by being loving and gentle with ourselves. The opposite of being "misunderstood" is to understand. We are the ones who can offer ourselves understanding. We are the ones who can choose to accept or reject what they say.
Deception is simply truth which has been twisted. I've recognized that when I am misunderstood, people really have seen some kind of truth about. However, what is missing is the WHOLE TRUTH. Recognizing the whole truth is up to me. Even if they see a limitation which is true and it's one I don't even like, I will not agree with their interpretation of that truth. I will go with what I know to be fully true. I am valuable even if I have a migraine and can barely lift my head! Once again, the circumstance does not determine my value.
When I write here, I'm being truthful in saying that I have learned to love and accept me for who I am. I do not always accept my
circumstances though. It is my circumstances I want to change. I may even want to change my response to my circumstances, but I really do love and accept me. I believe that within me is an incredible woman who doesn't share her glory with the world 100% of the time, but she is always there. She has incredible value no matter how much she is misunderstood.
I am not proud or self-centered in an unhealthy way. In fact, I have just learned that in order to be strong at loving others, I need to love myself at least as much as the one I am loving. I also have learned to protect my heart. This is essential!
I am human and there are times doubt may creep in, but I have learned to nip it very quickly. I feel best when I am accepting the greatness that is within me at all times. Why should I make an agreement with people who really don't understand me? I feel terrible if I agree with what they say. No, I am determined to live as my authentic self and be free to live as all of me. The irony is that when I feel better about myself, I end up being more productive anyway.
I hear you, Holly. I don't want limitations either. However, I will still be loving and gentle with myself as I am learning to grow beyond them. We can accept our true selves without actually fighting our limitations. In fact when I fight my limitations, I usually end up losing the battle! However, when I honour where I am currently at and then gently step forward, I make progress.
Control over our destiny is not something we necessarily need to fight for. For example, sometimes it is
accepting that we already do have control over our destiny. I believe we
already have within us what we need to create a great future for ourselves. Sometimes we need to give ourselves the invitation to be the great women who already reside inside of us. Other times, we need to give ourselves permission to follow what we believe is our destiny, regardless of what others say. It is from this place that I step into my destiny.
We love and need people in our lives. I know this and I've been both warmed and burned by these relationships. Yes, I've even had my share of tears. However, we must not get tripped up by agreeing with what they think is best for us. I believe we have what we need to succeed. It is not so important that they see it as much it is important that
we see it.
Holly, I have never met you and cannot give you specific advice. However, you know your circumstances and your limitations. You also know the glorious woman who resides within. I remember you have shared you have already experienced her. She exists and she is you. No matter what anyone says, you know what is true about her value because you already know her.
You once said you understood your barrier had more to do with your relationship with yourself. Have you thought more about what that means?
The other thing I wonder is: Have you forgive yourself for those times when you really did act out of character? Holly, we are human and we make mistakes. It still doesn't change our value.
Hopefully, me sharing my story may encourage you towards writing your own story which is loving and gentle towards your highly valuable self.
In the meantime, I will continue to ask myself what I believe to be true about myself whenever I feel challenged. I want to live free from negative thinking and be empowered to be all of me at all times.
That brings me to another empowering question when I'm going through a situation: How can I see myself in a positive way in this circumstance?
