I have read posts by patience and Alexandra here. I contribute thus-
When we are abused badly, we tend to lose the mental balance. Most of the thoughts I have are beyond my control. Most of the times, I live in a different world. That world is so different that I can not even explain it. I may call it lunacy.
No suggestions work when I live in that world because I lose control over myself. That is not my fault. Earlier I used to hate myself for losing control. Now, i accept that as a legacy of the abuse I underwent.
Most of the people who never experienced extreme abuse can not understand what goes in me. They give me many ideas. But as I said nothing remains with me when I am in my world.
Bookish knowledge and such things look good but do not work at all. One has to live through the pain in many ways. Slowly the memories get drained and the intensity decreases. And sometimes I feel that nothing has decreased with me.
Sorry, I am not able to explain.
I think you explained yourself quite well.
Each of us cares about you das. If you will guide us on what is helpful to you now and what isn't, we'd love to help any way we can.
