Jeepgirl -
I was just Googling for sites in support of women who do not want kids, so that I could find some solace in the fact that increasingly, that's what I've been thinking more and more lately - then, I found this site and this forum, and I had to register when I saw your post. It is unbelievable how similar your situation sounds to mine. My husband and I are high-school sweethearts who even went to the same college, despite being 2 years apart in age. We have lived in 3 states, including MO, which is where we are now. We met when I was 14 and he was 16, married when I was 23 and he was 25, and I am going to be 29 in less than a month, while he just turned 31. We used to both be pretty firm in the decision to "wait and see" on the kids issue. Both of us have gone back a forth a little bit, but in the back of my mind, I think I've always known that getting pregnant, giving birth, and devoting my life to another human may not be for me. He is a teacher and deals with kids every day, and it used to be that he was way against having kids, but ever since he turned 30, he's started to warm to the idea. I think that being around our friends' 1-year-old and being sort of a surrogate uncle to him has helped in that. However, when we go out to eat with our friends and the 1-year-old (soon to be 2) gets out of control, both of us have said that that would be annoying to deal with all the time. However, lately, he's mentioned more about having a kid in the future, and I just don't think I want one. The good thing is, that we've discussed it frankly, and I've told him that I'm not saying that my decision is final, but the way it looks now, I might choose to remain child-free.
I expressed my fear/anxiety over this to him, saying that I was afraid I'd be letting him down if he really wants a child, but he has reassured me that he loves me and just me, and what I decide will be ok with him. There's still a part of me that feels I will be letting him down, however, I have to think about my happiness, as well as the stress level and enjoyment I wish to maintain in my life. It may be selfish, but my philosophy is that I will not bring a child into this world unless I am fully dedicated to being that child's mother 100% and no less. I think that more people should think that way.
We have 6 cats and are very happy with them in the house we bought 2 years ago. We love to just go and do whatever we feel like whenever we feel like it. We missed our cats (there were only 4 of them at the time) terribly last June when we traveled to Jamaica for our 5-year wedding anniversary, and it was kind of a hassle getting someone to watch them and care for them like we needed them to, but luckily we had someone to do so. I am just thinking now that any time we have a health issue or stressful problem with our cats - that same type of situation with a human child would be multiplied tenfold in terms of stress and anxiety. The sadness we felt when we lost our dear sweet cat, Leo, last August to kidney failure suddenly was monumental and we still miss him terribly - he was wonderful. We decided to adopt another cat after that, which turned into the 3 newbies that we added to the remaining 3 at the time. At no point during this last few months have I wished for anything but cats.
Friends/family are constantly asking when we'll have a baby, and I am getting increasingly irritated by those questions. I really feel like it's none of their business what we decide to do. I have talked with my mom and dad on the subject, and though I think that they would welcome a grandchild (me being the only girl and the only married one makes me think I might be their only hope at this point), they do not feel that they have to have one to be fulfilled in this life. My mom has said that she doesn't really envy people who end up keeping their grandkids for a week or when their children want to get away, etc. I wish this could be said for my in-laws, who, despite having tons of grandchildren already, seem to really desire for my husband and I to have one - like it would be just the golden child or something. I have felt pressure from that side of the family for a while now. It seems like formerly child-free friends/family are now becoming pregnant/having babies all the time, and since we have moved from where we went to high school and college, our friends are long-distance anyway. We really need to find a group of friends that is child-free and nearby so that we can get out and do the socializing we once did....
OK, I've vented long enough - I love that I have already found a place to go and voice my feelings on this subject. Be strong, Jeepgirl, and I wish you the best of luck in getting through your situation with your husband and come out of it healthier and happier than ever in your relationship.
