Whenever something like this happens, I feel this brief pang of envy. Intellectually, I understand why--I have never been real close to my family and have been the black sheep since my teens. Pictures of this type of family togetherness always bother me. And the whole baby thing represents what I can never be--traditional...or do--fit in.
99% of the time I love that I do my own thing and could care less about fitting in.
The 1% is usually during this type of instance, where all of those smiling happy people swearing this is the most wonderful thing in the world make me want to follow the stupid path and be accepted. I imagine there are many out there who have these feelings and maybe have less strength or willpower and wind up just having the kid because it is the thing to do.
I hear you, and I'm sorry you're dealing with this. Strangely enough I am also dealing with very similar feelings of envy today after hearing of a couple new pregnancies among friends-of-friends. Not that I want a child, but that I wouldn't mind all the fuss and familial acceptance, I guess. I know it's silly but I can't help feeling that way sometimes. Especially since I can really tell that my relationship with my mother has gotten more distant since my sister had kids- she's very involved with them. I don't begrudge my sister the help; she can certainly use it. But still...
Anyway, I had to pull myself up short once again today, with the thought "trying to be part of the crowd is a pretty silly reason to bring another person into the world". I imagine this'll pass... for us both.
