Biker: I was in an almost similar situation, however, I am not married. My story: I went through infertility with my partner and eventaully had to have a hysterectomy. Me and the partner broke up and I decided to undertake an international adoption from Ethiopia on my own. While preparing to start the adoption process, I met another single woman who had adopted from Ethiopia and she allowed me to spend time with her child so that I could get some experience in mothering. Through spending time with her child, I realized that motherhood was not for me. I am so glad I found out in time.

I was sad after the realization because I had planned so long to be a mother and "suddenly" those plans were dashed. It has been almost a year since I changed my mind and I have embraced my childfreeness and am enjoying it greatly!!!! I'm living my life, traveling, completing a graduate degree and still spend time with my friend's daughter and it is a joy watching her grow up.

I have her over for a sleep-over one weekend per month and I really enjoy it and equally enjoy when I take her back to her mother. For myself, I could not mother 24/7 and that realization has set me free.

I do from time to time see families and think "what did I give up" but then I'll think of something else wonderful about being childfree and I'm happy all over again about the decision I made.

Quite a few co-workers, family and friends knew about my plans and I told each one when they would inquire about my adoption plans, that I changed my mind and was happy and content with my decision.

Finally, my bestfriend, who just had a child at 45 via IVF, was not supportive of my decision to remain CF. She would also say things like, "I don't want you to miss out on this joy that I have" or from time to time will utter how "motherhood is the best thing to happen to her." I was mad and hurt for a long time with her, but as her son has grown bigger I think that she has gotten a dose of what motherhood is really about and is not as gun ho with enthusiam any longer. In fact, she is now always telling me how great my life is and how lucky I am to be able to travel to great places all of the time.

Time heals all. Keep the faith!

Last edited by commoncents; 08/29/06 12:00 AM.