Need help! Have an In Law that is very unclean. She urinates on furniture, breaks toilet seats, leaves fecis on toilets on and on. She is wanting to visit AGAIN. Each time I vow it is the last, as I have to disinfect constantly while she is here, cleaning up after her (so my small children don't get in any of it).. I am passed it and don't know what to do. I have thrown away linens after each visit and cringe in disgust when I am around her. She doesn't shower and isn't clean. She never raised her son (my husband) but since his grandparents (who raised him) passed away he still continues to try w/his mom since she is blood.. But this is just getting too much and we are beyond grossed out. What do we do, I mean she is trying to be a part of our children's lives....... but it is very limited since she lives several states away.. But then she wants to visit... I dont' want her in our home due to health/safety issues, not too mention the costs of repairing or replacing linens, furniture, etc... please help any advice would be GREATLY appreciated.. Thanks

You have GOT to be joking. Just tell her she is unwelcome in your home! Period. How revolting. If you allow her to come back you are playing into it. Stop it.

Can you afford to put her up in a budget hotel? If so, explain that it would be for her comfort (since you have little kids). It might be cheaper than replacing sheets, furniture, etc.

She sounds incontinent - like she needs adult diapers.

I'm sorry that it has taken me so long to post. I was having trouble logging into the new forum, so please accept my apologies.

As for this post, my first word of advice is to talk this over with your husband, and in a diplomatic way let him know your fears regarding his mother. Then based on his response act accordingly. If he is also repulsed by his mother's behavior, he may agree to put her up in a hotel. But if he wants to have her stay with your family, I suggest talking to her and asking her to be careful not to "spill" or "get" things on the furniture, to wash her own linens and things and to basically clean up after herself during her stay. But no matter what, you should sit down with her and discuss how you'd like her to behave in your home. It is your home, and as a houseguest, she should be willing to accomodate herself to the rules (for lack of a better term) of your house. But you should not feel that you have to clean up after her, as if she were a child. If she's still doing the same things after you've spoken to her, you may need to discuss whether she should be welcome in you and your husband's home because it then becomes an issue of respect.

I hope this works out for you. You'd be surprised how many have a family member that fits this description, so don't feel like you're all alone because you aren't. And you have every right to ask guests to respect your home as much as you do.