when you're expert in some field,you work well,then how do you improve yourself?watch books?internet?learn from others?do something else that you don't know how to start?

I am an expert in knitting, and i'm still learning and improving. In knitting i: 1)practice, (knit) 2)explore inventing new techniques and patterns, 3)teach others (this also helps me improve), read knitting magazines, newsletters and books, watch demonstrations of other knitters in person, t.v., and online, explore on the internet, listen to other knitters telling me of news and what they have done and seen.

i think it depends on the nature of your field which options of improvement will be the most helpful to you. But when you are an expert, often it is because you have a passion for your field and you will explore it in any way you can. Experts need to keep current, so this means having some knowledge of new developments and specialties.

I've heard it said that if you read for an hour or two a day on one subject (the subject should be narrow enough), that you can be a national expert within 2-3 years. I believe this is true, and have sometimes been tempted to choose a new subject to study.

In what subjects are the rest of our Bella-folk experts? Or would like to be experts? What things can we do well?

me:

Hair/Beauty
GLBT History/Education
HIV/AIDS Education
Safer Sex Education
Adoption
Mental Disorders/Counseling
Public Speaking/T&D/Communications

However I am always learning something new in the fields every day. My mom told me that the day I stop learning something new is the day I should give up.

I think if i would like to be an expert in a new subject, that i might choose some way of making a lot of money. That is something which i have not yet been able to do, and don't feel that i know very much about it.

What would you like to learn to be an expert?

Hi Girls!
Self improvement WHATTA CONCEPT! I have just finished that degree in psychology after having triplets at 43! The sky is the limit. WHatever moves you - JUST DO IT! The world has so much to offer every one of us! Just reach out and grab it... and if you can help anyone along the way - DO SO!
CHeers Boni

I agree Boni! The sky is the limit! I have recently been trying to improve my nutrition and physical fitness. I have been eating healthier and going to the gym. I also started taking a yoga class which is wonderful for my body and a great way to meet new people!

I'm not sure if anyone has seen this site but Better.tv is also an excellent source. It's a website filled with videos that are all focused on bettering your life with helpful tips and ideas. I love it and have lots of great stuff!

I am finding repetition and regular habits are very important to improving yourself. I can think of little that i have improved about myself that didn't require my doing it again and again to make any noticible gain.

I think we get impatient with ourselves and want instant results, but it rarely works that way. We fail many times and we have to just keep at it and not give up.

Ok so this is a long story, kind of funny, but I tested myself this past weekend. My son wanted to go visit his girlfriend in college after his football game. Normally he would just drive there himself, but his car is old and the football game was away so he had to take the bus there.

His girlfriend is a freshman at college and was having her first chior concert, so reluctantly I say that I will take him. Anyone who knows me, knows that I don't really leave my little corner of the world by myself. I don't like to travel.

Anyway, I leave Saturday, armed with my mapquest directions. Find the school where the game is BIG victory for me.

My son and I leave the game. I get on the highway I need to get on. My son decides that he really needs to eat - get off the highway - get food - re-enter the highway. Some how I missed the fact that my highway turned off, about an hour into the ride, I realize that I missed the turn off. Call my husband, he gets on the computer, figures out where I am, points me in the right direction. The highway he puts me on, ends in probably the worst area of town! Did I mention I am a country girl - give me deer and bear, scared to death of gangs and cities. We stop (against my better judgement) at a mini mart and get directions.

FINALLY, get to the college 1 hr and 15 min late. I need to use the rest room BADLY - run in, throw my pocketbook on the back of the toilet, it falls in the toilet (clear water thankfully), use the rest room, dry my purse, run upstairs to where the concert is. We sit down, the chior starts singing a song, very nice. Feel like a weight is lifted off my shoulders. The song ends, the chior takes a bow. The concert is OVER. I could not believe it. Four hours of driving and we hear one song. I felt bad.

I stayed in a hotel that night (first time in a hotel by myself). I actually slept, because I was exhausted from the stress of the trip. Made it home the next day in less that 2 1/2 hrs.

Safe, home in my little corner of the world. I tried it, I don't like leaving my comfort zone. Is there some thing wrong with me? Well probably, but nothing I can't live with. LOL

Just thought I'd share - hope you get a little chuckle out of this.

nothing wrong with you. You are comfortable near your nest. Venturing out beyond your comfort zone is hard for almost anyone. I recently did that when I went to St. Louis and met up with another editor and her mom and son. Ended up having a blast after I got over the fear.

However, I was elated to be back home ;0)

Sue, i didn't learn to drive until i was 40... so i can understand !!! My first trip from here near Cleveland to Cincinnati... should have been about four hours and it took me seven. LOL. And i was so tired at the end of it! Both physically and emotionally drained. I've never really gotten better. See? You're not the only one!

Jase and Holly

Thanks for the support, it's nice to know that I am not alone LOL.

The most fun thing to do is look at everything that is wrong (or what you consider wrong) with yourself, then start devising a plan on changing those aspects of your life =) Self-improvement is crucial in living a meaningful and happy life! Live for yourself, then live for others.

easier said than done, for some of us.

Yes, and i think there is something important to be said for accepting and loving ourselves as we are.

The psychologist Carl Rogers said,

When I accept myself as I am, I change, and when I accept others as they are, they change."

I am always trying to improve myself, and i think probably most people who come to this forum are also trying to do that. I guess what i try to do, is to do both at the same time, and that's tricky.

It takes a sort of funny perspective. If i look at what i am doing now as "wrong," then i don't think i'm accepting myself very well. And sometimes i do feel that way. The past couple of weeks for instance, i have been focusing so much on how i feel i fall short of where i should be. This isn't helpful to changing. It's just another way of beating myself up.

What do you guys think? How do you encourage yourself to improve without feeling badly about how you are now?

Self improvement isn't about making ourselves feel bad about where we are. It's about taking who we are now and making ourselves even better. But it distresses me terribly to hear some of you are thinking there's anything "wrong" with you.

Everybody needs to start with the perspective that you're okay already, as in the book "I'm Okay, You're Okay" which not only teaches self-acceptance but acceptance of others as well.

Then think about what else you'd like to be in life or do with yourself, and add that.

I'd like to hear what types of self improvement goals you all have--what is it you'd like to work on? Oh, wait--I just noticed there's already a thread for that. See you there.

And I love you all just the way you are!
Barbara

Hi, Barbara! I love your suggestion about starting with the book, "I'm okay, You're okay", then think about what else we want to do. It is good to remember that once in awhile!

Trish

Practice and more of that.

Well, it gets a bit challenging at times, particularly when people you love are only pointing out your faults and not appreciating your efforts.

I know i "shouldn't" be bothered by such criticism, but when you love and respect a person a lot, their harsh words can be crushing, particularly when you've been trying to give your best. So what do you do when it's like this?

Holly. It is something to do with the brain and our fight or flight response. But when something bad happens (or a fault) the brain gets washed in a hormone and thats implanted into our memory core. This isn't the same for good things.

So it is easier to point out someones faults and the things they do wrong than to remember the good things.

So when someone remembers something good, take it as a blessing because they are rare.

I don't know much about hormones or brain chemistry, but i do know that our thoughts can influence our bodies. I'm just looking for things i might do so i don't react so strongly, or can recover more quickly.

Our body must be affecting our thoughts?

It does sometimes, yes. I've been trembling lately. For me, that's a sign. But where does it start? With thoughts that cause a biochemical reaction, or the other way around? I don't know.

But i think i have better hope of training my mind and getting better results than trying to change the chemistry in my body. For the body, good food, enough nutrients, and good sleep help and i eat fairly well, could do better, but much better than most. But i can't do much about sleep. And vitamins only seem to help me if i'm way, way off.

So that leaves thoughts. I try to remind myself to chill out and i try to distract myself when my thoughts start brooding on hurt or injustice or tragedy. But that's hard. It's like a sore in the mouth. Your tongue keeps going back to it and won't leave it alone.

Most of the times our priorities are not right. That causes stress and body reactions.

I often hear people saying that they want to be a better person, or that they want to improve themselves. Sometimes these people are in pretty low, dark and lonely places.
Offering these people solutions, signposts or ways to improve themselves, can be daunting and challenging, and it can be frightening for those people to see how much effort they think they're going to have to make, to become the people they want to be, to reach their ideal.

But here's the thing.

They don't need to do anything.
They don't need to strive, or to reach anywhere.
there IS no goal.

because the people they are, are already the perfect ones they strive to be.

It's not a question of not caring any more, or not trying.
It's a question of acceptance.

Because if you believe you have to work on yourself, if you believe you must change certain parts of yourself, or that you need to adopt new ideals, ideas, rules, notions or perceptions of yourself -
- Then you don't think NOW, that you are the wonderful perfect, precious unique Being you actually ALREADY are.

You do not accept yourself.
And if these are your criteria, then no matter what you do, no matter what work you put in, no matter how hard you try - you never will.

Based on the above premises, you will never reach a point where you will look in the mirror and say - "that's it! You are just the way I want you to be!"

But you CAN do that right now.
You can accept and Love yourself unconditionally, and say:
It stops here.
I don't have anything to improve, anything to better, anything to strive for. I am an absolutely perfect, flawless gem, exactly as I am, Right now.

And the rest will, I promise you, follow, just as a wake must follow a ship.

I just remembered i have a book called, "Do One Thing Different," by Bill O'Hanlon. (I confess i didn't get around to finishing it). But it's premise is that if you can find a tipping point, you can work on changing one small thing and it will have a cascade effect. Looking at the chapter titles, i think the author is very practical. For example:

---What You Focus on Expands: Shifting Attention

---Rewriting Life Stories: Changing Problem Beliefs into Solution-Oriented Ideas

---The Codependent Cinderella Who Loves a Man Who Hates Women Too Much: Solution-Oriented Relationships

I should get back to reading that book.

Sounds like a great book! I think if we try to do one thing differently and focus on one thing at a time, it's much easier to succeed and you don't get overwhelmed by a "total make-over"

My "one thing" right now is to try to get regular with my hours so that hopefully it reduces my stress.

For everyone:

What one thing are you doing or wish to be changing?

I want to-

Set definite targets and meet them without any excuse.

I wish you luck.

The other factor to consider is that the possibility exists that "we" are trying to tackle this from the wrong direction.
That is to say, we feel that we are a stasis, looking outwards, and seeking different external avenues to follow, to improve what we perceive are either deficiencies or flaws within our psyche make-up.
The point might be to start from within; that is, to perceive the already perfect inner nature we possess, and then examine outside ways to clarify and indicate other methods of thinking.....We must first of all recognise and accept the Natural Great perfection that we already are, and only then, absorb the opinions and means of others, to enhance and glorify the present ideal.

hollyelise,

Have you defined areas where you need improvement?
Are you sure that you need improvement in all of them?
What are the priorities?

Yes.

The trying to get my schedule organized is about reducing my stress but also about becoming more productive with work. With work i want to:

1. Bring in more income to my teaching business, in other words, more students. I also have some other projects starting... writing patterns for sale (i've been writing them anyway but not taking them quite far enough to earn money off of the labor). They can be sold soon, also be the topic of new one day workshops, and a collection of them can be submitted to a publishe to become a book. And also in a few months: a website.

2. Get more reliable output with my other job. I can't seem to do as much as desired right now, so i'm setting my first goal a lower, but still challenging so that it is more than my current average. Then when i reach that i'll set a new goal. Stress and emotional upset greatly affect how well i can write, so this is why i'm trying now to be steadier in both my emotions and habits.

When i can't accomplish what i expect of myself or what others expect of me, i get very upset and so do they, and that in turn makes me feel more upset. This works against success, so this is why i'm trying to set more realistic goals and become steadier in my habits and emotions, so that my work is more reliable and there is less upset.

I have some other goals:

3. I need to exercise daily and improve my health. My recent habits of work, stress, not exercising, not great eating habits, has been taking it's toll on my health and appearance. There are additional costs, like how well i can work when i don't feel well, how i feel about myself because i don't look well, and wanting to attract a life partner.

4. I have a list of personal To Dos as well, that i need to address to get my life in order. Some of these things have been ignored for some time and really must be addressed soon. They include things like home improvement... i'd like the house to be in good shape in case i need to sell... but also need a new roof, furnace, exterior painting, etc. if i stay. The To Dos include finacial things and relationship communication as well. These really must be addressed and gotten off my list one by one, to prevent problems and reduce my stress. And just having time to clean my house! It gets to me when i can't keep up.

5. I know i work better when i am happier, so i must have time for rest and fun. Besides... this is life! Reading will help me to do work better and earn more money and be happier, so i want to read at least an hour before bed, but lately i have not had much time for this. Also walking outdoors.. good for exercise. Spending time with friends.

I think these are the most important things for me right now.

Holly, no wonder you are stressed! LOL--your goals seem like trying to climb a mountain in one leap!

I love that you have written them down--writing down goals is step one in making them happen.

Now, I think you have to break them down.

Here's a quote by Mark Twain that I love:

"The secret of getting started is breaking
your complex, overwhelming tasks into
small manageable tasks, and then
starting on the first one."
- Mark Twain

So, for you, I'd suggest taking the top 3 of those goals, for instance:

1--Health (vitally important, I think)

--take one brisk 15 minute walk every day.
--eat two additional servings of fruits, veggies
--read one hour before bed (it's relaxing)
--meditate/do yoga three times a week.

2--Income

--Offer a free personal lesson to every student who signs up in November.
--Finish one pattern I can sell or offer as inducements to students to take classes.
--(don't know about other job--but some small baby step goal for it)

3--Organization/house/fun

--Spend just ten minutes a day cleaning house.
--Make list of projects for house and brainstorm with others how to barter to get them done.
--Pick one thing to do for fun every week--see a movie, have dinner with a friend, whatever would make you happy.

In other words, small daily goals will be much less stressful for you--Ten minutes of cleaning is way less daunting than "clean my house" and it can make a difference--after a week, you'll be surprised. Ditto with just walking 15 minutes--I started exercising years ago (after years of inactivity) by buying an exercise bike and telling myself if I just sat on the darn thing for 20 minutes a day, I was going to put my butt on it at least 20 minutes. Now, over 10 years later, I totally love exercising. I sold the bike, but I walk, sometimes jog or go to the gym and use treadmills and ellipticals, plus lift some weights.

I did the same thing about eating--tiny steps like adding veggies everyday. Now, I eat very healthy about 90% of the time.

I also used to be a bit of a slacker about housework, but now, I am not a fuss-budget but the basic cleaning chores are always done. (I could dust a little more often, though! LOL--but I don't sweat about that!)

If you work on each of your goals for just 10 minutes a day, you will feel so good about your accomplishments.

yes small steps achieve more than giant leaps!

Way to go, BellaDeb! What an excellent post! That will help me a lot!!! I'll respond more in a bit but i ran out of yarn and must go out to pick some more up.

love,
~holly

i liked so many of your suggestions and liked that they were specific. Like adding vegetables, i agree, is easier than taking something away! And that's a great suggestion for promoting my classes!

I did walk today for at least 15 minutes and i didn't clean house, but i did clear out someone else's stuff from my house and that makes me feel better. Tomorrow is a new day and i hope to keep adding to it.

I didn't get as much of the work i planned done as i thought or hoped. Running out of yarn before the end of my project meant i had to go to town for yarn, and while there, I was asked to fix someone's knitting for pay, so i lost a couple of hours and it is also just taking longer. I will try to do a little more tonight, but i'm getting tired so i will need to stop soon.

Thank you all for being so supportive here at Bella.

Another thing to think about for 1--Health

- substitute a complete protein (ie rice and beans, tofu, or meat substitute) in a meal and increase the vegies content once a week.

- eat out 1 less time every two weeks or weekly (includes ordering in or pickup)

- switch to a healthy whole grain wheat bread and bakery breads

- don't rely on pre-packaged "staples". Instead purchase uncoverted rice, healthy wheat pasta, rice pasta, or potatoes instead. Also purchase only what you need fresh vegetable or staples wise at the store for a day or two instead of relying on pre-packaged "easy" staples.

- only drink 1 soda per day. (notice I didn't say what size, you decide).

- pack your lunch as often as you can during the week instead of relying on pre-packaged quick foods or eating out. Or if you have a healthy alternative (like a tea room like I do in my building) use it if it is cost effective. They usually have healthy alternatives that won't bog you down like fast food and usually are worth the possible extra expense. If you eat there often, think about approaching management to work out a deal. The tea room I eat at gives me a tab and I also get 25% off when I pay the tab. Last month I only spent 89 dollars for lunch for the whole month and that was eating at the tea room 5 days a week usually.


THere are many small goals. Once you reach one goal, it is so much easier to reach another. Little safe steps will get you there faster than larger unsafe steps.

Those are good suggestions too. I have been eating more whole grains for a while now. I bake my own bread and buy whole wheat pasta, and have eaten brown rice for many years. I don't drink much juice now but have whole fruit instead and i almost never drink soda... maybe 4 - 6 sodas a year. I don't buy many processed foods at the grocery store. I've been trying to eliminate trans-fats from my diet and reduce the amount of sugar i eat. I do have treats. Unfortunately i'm an excellent baker. I make a pot of soup most weeks. This week is pea soup.

Hollyelise,

You defined two business goals. Why not keep to one?

Holly, I'm glad to help! After you do some mulling it over, why not post your own version of the action steps (that's what I call when you break the goals down into tiny steps). In fact, let me post these links for you. They were written for the SOHO site, but are applicable for any goals. Plus, there's a link to a form that is very helpful.

Action Plans

Tips and Examples for Action Plans

Jase, you are getting a deal at that tea room! Less than $5 a day is great for lunch away from home!

There are several reasons.

The other job has to do with writing, which has been a dream of mine since i was nine. It helps someone i care about very much. I benefit too by being guided by that person, and they are very good at what they do. I think if i get good at writing, i have the potential to earn good money one day (six figures is my goal) and be able to do many things i wish, and looking at other possibilities, i think this is my best bet.

I am sad that i am not more prolific at it yet but i refuse to give up. The thing that seems to get in my way is stress, so it seems to me that situation can only improve the more familiar and regular it becomes to me, and as i grow more confident in writing.

Some days, with stress, my mind just goes absolutely blank. I get that "doe in the headlights" stupidity. I can write naturally until i think my writing counts for something and then i get stupid. I've tried getting around it with little tricks like posting and then turning my post into an article, but it doesn't work well because my unconscious knows why i'm doing this and that someone is relying on me and if i don't write i can't be successful at it and so forth.

I think it's a matter of belief. Deep down inside, i don't believe i can be successful and i don't believe i can be lucky, and i don't believe my dreams can come true. I've had it drummed into me so cruely over the years that i can't do anything right and unfortunately, i finally came to believe it right down to my unconscious. I don't know what to do about it except to soldier on.

Holly, the one thing we can control in this life is our minds. So, reprogram. Take back the power you gave to whomever to tell you that. What makes them so all-knowing anyway? Who are they to say what you are capable of?

Then, drum it into yourself that you are a fabulous, prize-winning writer. Create your own Awesome Writer Award & post it where you will see it everyday. Write yourself a check for royalties on your future best-seller (Jim Carey did this when he was trying to make it in Hollywood). Call yourself a writer.

And, when those doubts and fears come up, just tell them to shut the heck up. Writers write and you are writing. End of discussion. Would they like to see your awards? LOL--seriously, act like you are a successful writer and you will be one.

And, when your mind goes blank with stress, write about the stress. Ramble on until you get it out of your system--then write what you want to. Sometimes it helps to exaggerate your fears until you see how silly they are. "I can't write a single decent word. I suck. Nobody writes worse than me." and you know that's not true, so you just put it aside and write what you want to write.

By the way, 99% of writers think they suck. Even the great ones often think they are writing [censored]. They just keep writing it anyway. And, that's what makes a writer.

I keep trying to think of J.K. Rowling writing Harry Potter while she was on welfare... going to that little cafe to stay warm. She was a late bloomer.

I feel a little like crying today. The awards is a good idea. Wish my printer were working. I got blasted a bit recently. Someone told me to quit trying to write, that i'm a failure at it. I know they didn't mean it... they were just having a very bad day. But you are right... i need to choose to reprogram.

Seeds don't look like anything before they germinate. Even once they do, they don't look like much. They still need good water and soil, and lots of patience, don't they? I'm like a sprouted seed. Nothing to show, yet, but that doesn't mean i won't be a tall tree.

Thanks for the encouragement!!!

Holly - Meryl Streep's acting teacher told her she didn't have what it takes to become an actress....
Don't ever listen to someone telling you what you cannot do.
This is a horrible mistake on their part.

Good luck

Yes it is a good deal. I just got my october tab and it was a whopping 80 bucks ;0)

I love working at a business that is part of three businesses. Our set-up is three seperate businesses sharing a large building that used to be a downtown JCPenny's. I get a discount on my vitamins and supplements (30%) from the health food store downstairs, and then my 25% off from the tea room. Then at the spa I get 30% off massage, facials, pedicures, and wraps, pay cost for color, and free mani's and haircuts. Sometimes I can get free other stuff as well if I trade services. Waxing is free too. LOL

Wow, how cool is all that? I'd be broke before I left the place. I'm a sucker for spa treatments, especially massages. In fact, I need one! LOL

yeah, I have to budget myself. I allow myself one paid service every two weeks. Plus my color only costs 5 bucks so that doesn't count, neither does my bi-weekly haircuts.

Today I had to give up my massage for a paying client. It's the choice between me paying 30 dollars or a client paying 75. Of course we go with the client. And we understand this policy when we put our names down for services. Clients come first even on our days off

Thirty dollars--I'm telling you I'd be broke!

Today in the mail I got a birthday card from the spa I go to with a special for an hour and a half massage for the price of an hour massage! I'm so there! My birthday is Nov 30, but I'll never make it that long! LOL

LOL what is their 90 minute price if I can ask. 60 minutes too?

You can check out our prices (even though I know you are in TN) at www.therandrspa.com

One hour is $75 and 1 1/2 is $110.

I want to move where you live! Geez, the prices are great!

lol we are a college town. Our mantra.. get em in the door, keep em coming back for more ;0)

hahaha... i'm in a college town, too, so i know what you mean.

How are you tonight, Jase?

I write. So i can look back and see the things that stressed me when I was younger--I can't even remember half of the moments. Through writing i've realized what is important and what isn't. The stuff and the people that actually deserve your time.

And what have you found to be important and what is unimportant?

Good. I am excited about tomorrow. I am totally dressing up for work at the spa which should be interesting. My boss is scared, all that she knows about is the shoes I am wearing and that I am going to be in drag. I am following all her rules which were 1. not slutty, 2. not nasty, 3. not kinky, 4. able to work in it.

My shoes:



These are the 5 inch heel, I got the 3.5 in heel which is actually quite comfortable.

My wig:



This wig is mine except I also added a scarf to draw it back from the face and to add more 70's style. It's silk and long and narrow.

Then I am doing a black mini-skirt, this black, gray, and white techno swirl criss-cross front shirt with long sleeves and flared cuffs. I will also be doing sheel cirlet necklace with beed bracelots and big ole hoochie-momma silver earrings.

The makeup will be Tammy Fay eyelashes with heavy thick mascara and eyeliner, bright blue sparkly eyeshadow and big apple red lips. My nails will be either gold or big apple red.

I will definately have to snap a few pictures and upload them tomorrow.


How are you tonight Holly?

Those shoes are so cute! I was Hilary Banks from Fresh Prince at an 80s/90s halloween costume party this past weekend.

What a hoot!!!

The shoes are cute.

Holly,

Sometimes there is truth in what somebody says. What are your achievements as a writer and why do you think that you can become a great writer?

I had great ambitions to become a singer and was sure that I sang well. I appointed a music teacher who told me clearly that singing was not for me. I asked others after that and all of them concurred. I left singing.

Sometimes we have ambitions in wrong areas. We have to analyze that. If we are not getting results after repeated efforts, we should rethink.

Wanted to wish everyone a Happy Halloween from this Funktastic Sistah ;0)

Come on, Jase--I wanta see you in that miniskirt & those fmp's!

Wow Jase -I wouldn't even have realized that was you, but I'm with Deb, I think we need a full lenght shot!

Now remember I am at work at a spa so my boss made me pull the skirt to below the knee. I keep hiking it back up (love convertable skirts) but she keeps making it go down LOL

Also these were taken on my phone by my coworker so they aren't the best quality

You rock! That is too cool! Hike it up! Tell the boss you got flaunt it if you got it!

How do you walk in those shoes?

Amazing! What a fun person you are Jase. Always make me smile!

Deb - I agree those shoes are serious. The sneakers in your avitar are more my speed. My feet hurt just from looking at him in those shoes LOL

LOL the shoes weren't that bad by the end of the day. The only things hthat hurt were the base of my big toes (i have finger toes LOL).

It would have helped if I would have wore my tights and hose combo so the shoes fit a little tighter so it would have added some cushioning.

You look awesome! What a great outfit!

Looks great!