Hi All just joined the forum feeling emotionally confused with no one to talk to who understands. Been happily with my partner for 16 yrs ,he doesnt want kids and I have been happy most of the time but obviously being a woman have sometimes thought about having kids but decided it wasnt for me. Now at 40 am going through a difficult time and feeling a bit of an outcast with friends and work collegues. Sick of people asking me why i have no children and feeling that i have to justify this to people. obviously at my age there will be mixed emotions on my part. just wanted to chat to people who dont think having no kids is abnormal!!!!!!!

Hang in there. Not too many more years before people stop asking. The feeling of being an outcast, I suspect, will always be there a little if only because you (me, we) are on a different path from the majority. Friends who had kids will eventually return as their children start to have a life of their own. Hopefully those friends haven't changed too much and you can get right back to enjoying their company as before kids.

Aw, you definitely are not abnormal. Although I sometimes feel the exact same way. People have a really cruddy way of making me feel as if I'm almost a horrible person for being child free. We just have to learn to move on and remind ourselves that we don't live for the world, we live for ourselves. Your choice is your own, there's no shame in that.

You have to come to terms that people may never stop asking. Think about it, when you become an old lady, people will still be asking you why you never had children. I've come to terms with this. People will always ask no matter what I say or do. All I can do is grow some thicker skin, and continue living my life as I see fit.

Hi Chestnut, Being a childfree 40ish woman can definitely mess with one's mind. The hormones are ridiculous, not to mention the people who have no clue what you are going through! I believe that as long as CF is for you and you truly feel comfortable in your own skin, that you will feel less and less like an "outcast". I too had felt like an outcast for a few years. I had always felt pretty "normal" and when all of our lives took shape and I was the only woman in the family (or group of friends, etc.) without children, it made me feel a sense of panic. Like the world had kept turning but I had somehow jumped off. Like there was an exclusive club that I could not be a member of. I now felt "different" and in many ways I think I projected this image upon myself negatively. I really think that (most) people don't really care all that much about my CF status, even family. Sometimes offhand remarks are said that may sting, but I really don't think it's personal, it's just where that person is coming from in their life's experience. I still feel "different" - offbeat and unique - but see it as a good thing! If you are a courteous human being and people give you a hard time for being you, they are the ones with the problem! You are not alone!!!!

Hi chestnut ** Any time you feel like an outcast just come read the postings on this thread/forum. We are an elite group of 'out of the box' thinkers here. Sooo do something spontanious ~ go shopping and buy something special, go to a movie, book a special weekend away with your s/o, get a facial/pedicure. There are so many things you can affort to do/ have time to do since you don't have rugrats to deal with.

Enjoy your freedom and besides you've got your s/o all to yourself.

cp

"Be yourself, there are already so many others"

Well, there are two good things one is that you're living the life that you and your husband have chosen (so congrats on that) The other, is that you are 40, and soon people will let up! I'm 28 and I'm thinking soon people will stop asking like when I'm 30...lol. I guess this is untrue. Anyway, the answer to these people's intrusive and judgemental comments is as follows. "MY REPRODUCTIVE CHOICE IS A PERSONAL MATTER WHICH I DON'T DISCUSS WITH ANYONE BUT MY HUSBAND." Also, look into joining your local NO KIDDING chapter. I recently did this.

I turned 35 last year and thought people would stop asking but no such luck! I agree it's annoying but you know why you've made your decision, and you just have to find some cool friends who share your passions to spend time with.

There's no help for the workplace though generally...most people have kids and it's hard not to feel like the odd one out. I guess I should be used to it (I stick out in all sorts of other ways) but everyone likes to feel a sense of belonging now and then! That's why I come to this forum.

Tonight I'm sitting in front of the computer. My husband is playing Xbox w/headset while my dog pitter-patters around on the floor. No noises other than that. No screaming, hyper kids around. That's paradise to me!

I like to quote Forrest Gump when people ask about why I don't want kids -- "it's, you know, one less thing!". Hope I could cheer you up!

Misstalia and Schnicky: people will never ever stop asking, if anything (as Jellyroll, I think, once said), when you turn 45 or 50 they will change the question to "why didn't you have children?". And I can very well imagine that you might get some pity looks, too. So always be prepared, lol.

Hi all, thankyou so much for all your comments, its great to know theres people out there who understand, who wants to follow the crowds and be the same as everyone else! can also recommend a good book Child Free And Loving it by Nicki Defago. thanks again xxx