We got married in October 2011. We had a huge fight the night before our wedding day and didn't even go on honeymoon. I couldn't understand why he had no money. He had a fairly good job but there was no money?? Two months later I found out I was pregnant. That was not the only discovery. I also found out that he was addicted to crack and CAT. The pattern was as follows: I would come home from work and then I have to start cooking, cleaning, washing etc. My husband is lazy so he doesn't help. I get irritated because I feel I'm being taken for granted but I'm not allowed to talk to him because I "nag" and that escalates to a verbal and physical abuse circus in which I get sworn at, things thrown at me, my things get broken (not his), I get thrown against floors, walls, into a bath tub full of cold water, buckets of water are thrown into my face, hot coffee thrown into my face etc...
I ended up giving birth in a government hospital, and in South Africa, the government hospitals are shocking. I had a traumatic c-section and lay in a pool of blood for two days without anyone cleaning me up. I felt resentment towards him for that.
So I laid charges against him and got a protection order. Our baby is now 6 months old and I included in the protection order that he can't touch me or our baby, swear or use any abusive language or tone of voice. He stopped the physical abuse (although he cracked again and broke my laptop on me).
Then he lost his job. So, with a 3 month old baby at home, I had to pick everything up, find a better job and work around the clock to make sure there's food on the table and a roof over our heads. He was delighted when he lost his job because he blamed his job for his problems. Unfortunately the problems didn't go away after he lost his job. I tend to be strong and carry the weight, but I can't function in my own home. I feel like a maid, punching bag, piece of rubbish. It doesn't matter what I do or don't do, it doesn't change the situation, although I get blamed for the problem.
I feel like I'm 1 inch tall. I'm not allowed to speak to him about any topics. He decides whether he wants to talk or not, and usually he doesn't want to talk. He stole my baby's nappy and milk money on Sunday for drugs, and I was not allowed to say anything. He only shun me away and told me to **** off. He stonewalls me away from him whenever there is a problem I want to discuss with him. He doesn't contribute financially and sucks every cent out of me and further lays on the couch and plays computer games or surfs the net.
I told him on Monday that I cannot tolerate this anymore. I'm burning myself out to keep everything going. I run the household, do grocery shopping, pay the bills, etc. I feel totally abused, and not appreciated. I feel so unloved. Now here's the red flag: I started drinking two weeks ago to get an outlet. I've now stopped again and am keeping a close eye on this as I don't want another problem in my life.
The night before last he locked me out of my own house. He wanted me to "feel what it feels like to be put out of the house". I needed to be punished for telling him that if he doesn't stop his destructive behavior he had to leave.
So I got the cops over and based on him breaching the restraining order they put him out. He packed his suitcase and is gone. He is furious, telling me that I'm the cause of this and he will see me in court as he is laying charges against me (not sure what).
My heart is broken. My life is broken. My personality has changed. I've become isolated from my friends - I used to be a social butterfly. I don't have proper shoes for winter and I earn a good salary. Everything went into him and our baby. I have given so much that I feel like I've given myself away to a bottomless black hole that will never receive enough.
I need to fix my car, my heart, my house, my life.
Where do I start?
