BellaOnline Forums Family Child Loss Miscarriage

I have had 2 miscarriages in the last year. This is soo hard as we really want children and I am almost 30 years old. The doctors do no do any test until; the 3rd one, really I have to go through this another time before you figure out whats wrong. Hopefully we will not. Its just hard to see people who don't really enjoy there children or people who this was a mistake getting pregnant and having children. When my husband and I want a child so badly. Hoping.

I had my 1st miscarriage in febuary and I and still not my self. I feel as 5 months I should be back to my self and I all I want to do is sit and cry and the doctos tell me I should be back to normal and not still grieving. They want me to keep taking depression meds and I hate the way they make me feel and also on them I still sit and cry. I am not sure if I should still feel this way or not. I have never talked to anyone who has had a miscarriage so this is why I am writing for help. They also can't tell me why this occured and I feel like this miscarriage is my fault. I found out at 7 weeks and 3 days that I was pregnant and then lost my baby at 11 week and 2 days. I would really like a child I am almost 30 and I just can not go thru that again. That was the worst thing I have ever been thru in my life. Is there any way to tell if that will happen again or is there a test the doctors can do to tell? Do the doctors do a test on the miscarred baby to tell what happened or what went wrong?

Hello, christina19856. I'm so sorry for your loss. Of course, it was not your fault. Why would you think that? Your doctor should have some idea why the miscarriage occurred but usually he won't investigate much further unless you continue to have more miscarriages. There could be many reasons. In some cases, the fetus is not developing properly and will spontaneously abort itself.

If you hate the way the depression meds make you feel, ask for a different type of drug. Depression medication should make you feel better, not worse. I can't stress enough the importance of exercise during a time like this. It will help your body, mind and spirit heal. It will lift your mood and strengthen your body to prepare for another pregnancy.

As for the grief, well, I don't know why doctors tell you that you should be "back to normal and not grieving." All the women I know who have miscarried still feel the loss. They do learn to carry on with life slowly, but they will still mourn the loss.

It helps to air your feelings with others, whether in person or online like this. It is part of the healing process.

When you are ready, ask your doctor about the miscarriage, your gynecological health and your chances of another pregnancy or miscarriage.

I hope others who have experienced miscarriage will stop by here. I personally have not. You might want to visit the moms forum as well as the adoption forum so "meet" others who may have experienced a miscarriage. I'm so so sorry for your loss. Know that you are not alone. Please post often.

Hi christina19856!

Welcome to the BellaOnline forum and I am glad to see you have started to post.

My partner and I tried to conceive for 12 months because we want a child more than life itself... every month I got my period I would cry. every time I seen a pregnant lady smoking or drinking I wanted to punch her... I was only 18 years old, I should be pregnant by now!! FINALLY I fell pregnant... it was the happiest day of my life!! I thought there was no chance in getting my beautiful child!! at 11 weeks I started to spot bleed and so I went for my first ultrasound the next day. The radiologist lady put the gel on my tummy and showed me my child, so picture perfect and clear. after 3 mins she had a concerned look on her face and said "I cant get a heart beat".. my heart sank.. she done the vaginal ultrasound and I knew my bubba was gone... the lady couldn't even say the words, she just sent me straight next door to the emergency. everything blurred while doctors walked in and out talking about D&C's and taking my blood pressure, I went in, got put to sleep and woke up an hour later.. no more baby, no more pregnancy, just nothing... how am I to believe in God when the junkie up the street pops out 5 children, or the mum on the other side of the country kills her new born in cold blood?? how am I to have hope when the only thing I ever wanted was taken away faster then i could comprehend?? the only hope I have is to be granted for a miracle, but how can I wish on something I cant control??

I always thought I want to have my first baby at 18. well when i was 17 I thought i've been with my bf for 3 years I want my presious little one. evey month i would have a period and I would cry and think "i'm gonna be one of those ppl that can't get pregnant or if i do get pregnant im gonna have complications" im now 18 and im starting to learn how much money you need for a baby and thought well I want to be a mother so bad but i don't have that kind of money. "I can't be a mother or live my dreams cuz I don't have money!!!" at this time i found a great hate for money, because it was stopping me from my dreams! then my body started to act different and my period was late and i'm pregnant!! i was so happy but stressing about money. at 5 weeks I had spotting. family told me that was normal so I tried not to stress about it. then it stopped "oh i can breath again". at 7 weeks i was having some pain. i thought "oh no please let eveything be ok" everything was fine and we got to have our first ultrasound. at 9 weeks i went to the ob-gyn. we had another ultrasound i thought "oh it's great to see you again my precious little one and look how much you have grown" we got to hear the heart beat and we got pictures. I couldn't stop looking at the pictures. i thought "this is real, this is my baby, oh please god let this be, I want this so bad" My belly started to get bigger and round i couldn't take my hands or eyes off my belly. at 12 weeks i started to spot "NO NOT AGAIN" then it stopped i thought umm it's ok. i tryed to tell myself that I was someone that has a period while pregnant, when i knew that was not right. but i tryed to stay positive. when i was 14 weeks the spotting came back. i told myself i'm farther in my pregnancy it's all going to be ok. i started to get sharp back pain my family joked that i was going into labor. I laughed it off but cryed to sleep cuz thats what it felt like, it felt like i was going into labor and it was too early. at 15 weeks im still spotting and now have pain everywhere but very sharp in my tummy. i knew that something just went horrabilly wrong! i went to the hospital they said im at very high risk of having a miscarriage and sent me home on strict bed rest. i thought no thier dumb and don't kno what the're talking about. the next day i went for a check up. the nurse told me "your baby is dead" i was so mad at her how dare she say that to me. she did an ultrasound and i lay there looking at my precious baby boy not moving. i wanted her to stop playing this horriable joke on me. no heartbeat no movement. i felt like my life was over. i held my precious 3 inch long baby boy. the best thing ever that happened to me. so tiny and so beautiful. god gave me my wish to be a mother at 18 but he took my baby away from me. and i found out that any pregnancy i have will be high risk. and without meds my body will reject my baby. we were too late for this baby. i ask god "y did you take him away from me when you know i want him so bad!!" i named my baby boy Klenden! my greif is so strong. i don't sleep at night i lay there crying no mater how sleepy i am. i see something i enjoy but i can't enjoy it anymore because i want to enjoy it with Klenden and i will never get that chance. i don't want to be around people cuz the one person that matters the most is not there. i don't want to do anything for myself cuz i know i wouldn't be doing it if klenden was here. im in counseling to get help. my life will never be the same. and all i can think about is will i ever get better. honestly i don't think i will ever recover from this.

I don't know how to start this post... I dont know your name so I cant address you... I just want you to know that the pain does go away to some extent. I miscarried exactly 3 months ago today, and I still cry about it, and I still feel the pain, but it's not as bad as the first month. the first month I thought I was going to die, along with the baby that died inside my tummy. I stopped talking to everyone and I curled up in bed and cried, I didn't move from that bed, I played the play station and cuddled my stomach screaming to God asking why he took MY baby. The hated feeling started to slow down and I started to feel better, slowly I started to talk to people and went to a Councillor. The Councillor was good, but I started to get over everyone saying "your so young it will happen again" and "miscarriage is common and it's not your fault" so I stopped seeing her.... im ok now but.. I just look forward to my next pregnancy. I was always told that after someone miscarried, they fell pregnant straight away, but its been 3 months of continuous trying, and im still not there. but I sincerely hope you get your miracle, best of luck xxx