BellaOnline Forums Relationships Relationships I don't know what to think of this?!

I married a guy who was married before. His ex-wife cheated on him and she was the one who filed for divorce. The two of us got married and she interferred so much in our marriage that I divorced him. They also have 2 kids from a previous marriage (who lived with us). This was my first marriage ... We're back together (engaged), but I'm not convinced that he's over his ex. It's been 6 years that we're together now. Lately I've noticed that he calls her "Mel" (her name is Meloney) - to me this is unacceptable, as this is the affectionate name calling for her name. He doesn't even call me affectionate names! Also, when he swops the kids, he always comes back in a mood! Almost like he's still longing for his ex? When I try and talk to him about it, he curses me and it's just one huge fight. So now I've given up trying to talk about it. I'm honestly feeling disappointed and disgusted. And don't know what to think of all of this.

Well first of all you are NEVER, not ever just another step anything. You're a living breathing beautiful being and have that potential every day to be just that - or not, I guess in some cases, free will and all that. But you specifically, I don't feel negative, but more of a healer type quiet voice/strong individual meaning you feel things passionaltely, but walk with caution or of the heart.

If a partner, any partner promotes a feeling of being less than who and what you are, and if you are in a position to practice a bit of a broader view, meaning something, anything that does make you feel not less than what you are but more and even all or surpassing everything you could even imagine you could be...go in that direction.

If you are engaged..I had a hard time following the first line - that you married a guy that had been married before. So I'm wondering are you married, divorced and now engaged again?

The sense I get is that this man can't have what he wants and doesn't want to be alone. That's just the feeling I get. Life has so many more possibilities than that and you know what? You deserve every flippin one of them!

Yes, we were married, got divorced and then got engaged again (after he begged me to come back). If he wanted his ex, why didn't he take her back? She was afterall phoning him constantly, asking to take her back. He has told me that he can live on his own and doesn't need a partner (should I ever decide to leave him). I'm a very passionate and emotional person. I guess the fact that a previous boyfriend cheated on me, makes me even more suspicious? Hence me having problems "trusting"? So I see each and every little "wrong thing" as a huge thing. But I still have this little voice telling me that he's still not over his ex ... even after all these years. He was married to her for 14 years and they have 2 kids together. It feels as if our marriage and child (we have a son together) doesn't matter, as he already experienced this with his first wife and -marriage? I just feel exceptionally confused right now ... all I can do is pray that God gives me the right answer to this situation.

Well, you married divorced man with children. Of course his wife will call him all the time concerning their children. It have been like that to others. 2nd or 3rd wives don't like idea that their husband's ex-wive call them 24 hours a day. If there problem with younger children. Dads alway have to be there in her home. No matter what you have to say, father have full responsiblies of his young children. You have to control your jealousy and deal with it.

Eleise makes a lot of good points. I have to agree with what she said. and you should always listen to your gut. if something doesn't feel right, chances are something isn't right and you have to figure out exactly what that is.

when she calls, is it to talk about kids or are they talkin' away like best friends bringin up the good ol' days when they were together.

all I can really say is dont marry this man again if you feel his heart still belongs to another woman. that will only rip her heart to shreds over and over again...and make it the second time you find yourself divorcing this man.

Run - do not walk - to the nearest exit.

If you felt everything was ok, you would not have posted here.

Find someone who wants you! You are worthy of it!!

When someone wants you, specifically you, they let you know it. It isn't one way one day and another way another day. When it's that way it's just that you're convenient.

I can't think of a more lonely way to be.

If someone wants you, they find comfort in being with you. They seek you out, lay next to you, share their day and not just that being without you makes them feel a little uncertain about themselves.

When you're with someone who loves you, it isn't all the time, but you'll have that sensation where it's the most comforting place to be and they would rather have anything else than to see you cry.

I've read all the other replies to your problem, stepmom. They are all good, but to me I think this. If this guy that you are with curses you every time you bring the subject up, it will never change between the two of you concerning this subject. If this is the way he acts towards you, it's time to get out of the situation. you deserve a lot better then this. As my mom always said, there's plenty fish in the sea, and there sure is. Give yourself a break & when the time that you feel is right, go out looking for a person that will love you & take care of you without all the issues that your ex, has/had. Good luck!

Perhaps he doesn't want to go back to his ex because he doesn't trust her. He's probably still with you because you're trustworthy, he can depend on you and you keep him from being lonely.

Some people would rather stay in an unhealthy relationship where they aren't happy than be alone. Sad but true and it sounds to me that he's one of these sort of people.

I'm very sorry for what you're going through but if your instincts are telling you something isn't right, listen to them. My advice to you would be, end the relationship and move on peacefully with your life. You can and will find someone who is worthy of your love. It's not easy but only you have the power to make your life whatever you want it to be. Wish you all the best.

Hi kathyann24ts!

WELCOME to the BellaOnline Forum and GLAD to see you have started to post. Have an AWESOME day/night......