BellaOnline Forums Family Step Parenting Step Daughter with Abusive Boyfriend , etc.

Hi EVeryone This is kind of NEW topic but RELATED. i am not sure HOW to post a NEW TOPIC and I would like some feedback. I Need to VENT and I have no where really to go but to friends who DO NOT HAVE STEP CHILDREN. i have written here before and i sonds like a broken record but it helps to SHARE. I have been married 8 years and met my SD when she was only 14 turning 15. Tough age! She lived with us from 16 to almost 17 when I had a NEW baby at the ripe old age of 40! my husband and I are much older parents. I am now 48, hubby 60 and our son is only 7. SD is now 23. He has paid child support for over 10 years and still does! She completed 4 years of college and cannot find a "real job". She works for her father part time in a medical office but has no degree and could NOT get a job if he dies suddenly - he is a much older father but in okay health. Her mother is older 100. They COMPLETELY spoiled her with clothing, trips, cars and also her boyfriend who is now 26 and really does NOT work - he works 2 days per week and LIVES AT HOME! this was not my generation and i am very judgemental and shocked that parents allow this. I would NEVER allow this when my child is in his 20s - it is eeither FULL TIME WORK or FULL TIME SCHOOL. Both my husband and I work hard and we have enough money. The problem is now I have heard through our office that the boyfriend is "abusive" and controlls my step daughter and is only looking for money from the doctor father (my husband). The other office workers notice this but will NOT tell my husband. He does not see anything - the PINK ELEPHANT in the room. Both come to work tired at 11am (they will not start at 8am like everyone else), now they want to move to Vancouer because it is "hip" and they both expect my husband to PAY "child support" for them to move there. She intends to go to grad school in nutrion and take 3 classes only. She has been straight about being a "professional student" with no intentions of really working. The BF will just live with her. They play video games for hours per day. I HATE THIS. Sorry, but it is so weird to me. If I bring it up with my husband he gets angry and says "you hate my daugther". I do NOT hate her I just feel that she needs to grow up and to build self esteem. I also worry about the abusive BF. Shoudl I tell my husband about the office rumors? Does he have right to know? I am so sick to my stomach when they come to my house. I am kind and gracious but I want to throw up. Is this normal? They are not rude but they "take, take take" Does anyone have any advice?? I want them to MOVE ON and become adults but will all of the $1500 per month coming to them they NEVER have to grow up. Isn't this a form of neglect? honestly, our medical staff is from age 22-30 and ALL of them work hard but the step dau and BF. What about the abuse claims? Any advice? Thanks!!! Sarah

WOW are you in a pickle, you really can't say anything because like you said he gets mad and says you don't like her. What I would do though is tell him about the abuse rumors in the office. If he loves her he will ask her about, whether she will be truthful will be something else. But that is what I would do tell him about the abuse rumors. Good luck and will be paying for you.

thanks sarah (I am sarah too :) I actually did tell my hubby about the abuse rumors last night. He kind of brushed them off but said he would ask further about them. he said that other employees in the office are "jealous" of his daughter and may make things up. Not sure about this. the GOOD news is that he seemed ready to talk about cutting off the child support for the first time in years! she is now 23 and ths has been going on since age 20 when she started part time school. he know is starting, just starting to see the need for her to be independent - thank GOD! I brought up the her BF wants to live with her in vancouver and he said "no way" unless he has a job. he NEVER talks this way. he is usually the "disney land" dad and says nothing and just throws money at young adults leaving them no motivation to work. I pray to GOD that he follows through on this. he has never had an honest talk with his daughter about the money/support issue. It is very weird. I did what i needed to do and pray that the abuse is NOT happening! I will keep an eye on it. If I see it myself he will listen to me. Thanks for the help!!! if I get them OFf the dole, it will be a miracle. how are you? Sarah