Forgiveness is such a troubling topic. Perhaps because of the associations with the language- forgiveness often seems to denote positive feelings, and an abandonment of anger and resentment. Especially when the trespasses (for lack of a better word coming to mind) are heinous, "forgiveness" seems like an impossible gift. The more recent the wound (or the more recent of the re-opening of such a wound), the harder it is to let go of such things.
The anger, the resentment, the sadness and pain... affect us (or myself, anyway) physically too. The psycho-somatic takes over everything. It also seems to serve as a reminder that something happened that was not okay, and to give up any of those emotions seems to say that what happened was okay and not worthy of your reaction, thus making it an over-reaction. Holding on to the grief/pain/anger is a way for us to feel some control, a way for us not to forget the happening, a way for us to process what did indeed happen.
That being said, i think that one must find within themselves the desire to heal. And when that desire is found, it needs to be cradled and nurtured until it is overwhelming and there is simply no other choice but to release some burdens and welcome a lightness. "Letting go" does seem to suit it a bit, i suppose. But that does *not* mean forgetting or saying that what happened was okay. At least, not to me. It took me many years to reach a point where i could accept any of this in my heart no matter how many people tried to explain it rationally or with simple words. Outlets are needed, ones which are deeply personal. Whatever happened to you needs to be faced and worked-through to make you feel healthy again. Only then can you... how can i put this... for myself, it was almost like putting those memories into a file, and then putting the file into a drawer. The drawer is closed and the filing cabinet is put on a shelf with many others. Some will never, or rarely, be opened again. Some will be opened often. Some will always have a level of rawness to them. But the process of putting those memories *into* the "folders" was like saying good-bye, but less final. It was my way of saying to myself that it was okay to not think about those things anymore.
Seeing the people who caused the pain was a trigger for a long while. And sometimes different things will trigger those memories with no warning. For me in many cases, there was an underlying love that was stronger and pulled to me, wanted me to try again. Other times i had to just drop it into the ocean and let it sail away. Put it into the hands of a Higher Power or into the ears of a trusted friend, onto the pages of a journal or splashed onto a canvas.
Forgiveness to me... does not mean forgetting. How can one truly forget? Pushing down memories is not healthy, because they will always come back until they are dealt with. Forgiveness means finding the ability and trust within yourself to move on, to move beyond the trials and their scars, and to embrace something positive, light, and freeing. It has absolutely nothing to do with words, especially spoken, in my opinion, but is more of a personal journey or tribute to one's self. There is no need to tell the person they are forgiven if you do not wish to... simply to have a change within is what is needed.
Way easier said than done, but so very worth it in the end.
i'm not sure if i have even answered your question properly, or if this makes any sense, but i hope that it has helped in some way.