BellaOnline Forums Relationships Marriage Our Sons and Daughters Get Married

I would appreciate any advice on how we can help support our sons and daughters in their first year of marriage, hoping to avoid the mistakes we have not already made as they are establishing their long-term relationships.

In my circle of friends, the first wedding was just months ago, and none of the rest of us has had the experience of having a married son or daughter. A wedding changes everything.

Thanks!

Pam W
SE of Seattle

One of the hardest things is to just let them go. They are married adults now, not our little kids any more, and as much as it may hurt we have to let them make their own mistakes. So, my #1 rule was always "Don't interfere!" Not with words or attitude.
#2 is "You're not the important one in his/her life now, the spouse is." And that's the way it is supposed to be.
It's OK to worry if you keep it to yourself, and never stop loving them!

Pam, you are correct when you say a wedding changes everything. (Although I think the changes started before the wedding. They began when the relationship progressed.) And Claybird is correct in her 2 rules. Under no circumstances interfere. No criticizing, no offering help, no offering opinions. And don't be hurt when you realize that your help and opinions, etc, are not asked for.

Your child should not need your opinion before he/she can make a decision; but if they ask it would be best if you don't offer one. You don't want to be held responsible for a choice that wasn't yours to make.

So my advice is to stay out of the way. GrannyH

What great advice Claybird. I wish my mother-in-law had read that when I got married - especially rule #2. I also think that you need to love, and accept the person that your son or daughter has chosen as a spouse. You may not agree with your son/daughter's choice of spouse, but if they are happy that's all that matters.

True that .... i think after you get married; this information should be handed immediately to the parents of each the bride and groom. BUTT OUT!