BellaOnline Forums Beauty and Self Body Image my personal issues

I have never truly been happy with myself. I can remember being a young kid, five or six years old, looking at other little girls thinking they were better than I was. I can remember looking in the mirror thinking I was so plain and blah and that no one would ever fall in love with me. Even back in elementary school, the little boys made it evident that some girls were pretty, others were ugly... and I was just "weird". I'm so very familiar with that word. As I became a teenager and underwent puberty, these feelings grew stronger. I became ashamed of my new body and the changes that took place. I continued to be taunted by classmates... I changed schools several times, and faced the same treatment at every school I enrolled in. At fifteen, I entered into a relationship with a very emotionally abusive boy. Sadly, I became obsessed with him, and he knew he had power over me. He made comments that suggested that I wasn't good enough, telling me to lose weight quite often... at the time, I was 106 lbs at 5'2"! I believed him, though. He told me I was "messed up." I used to cut... for about two years, actually. I went to counseling for this, and stopped. Meanwhile, I was dealing with another issue... paranoia. I was attacked on a stairwell at school one day, by a member of the school football team, who grabbed and touched me inappropriately. I managed to squirm out of his grasp before anything truly bad had happened, but that instance alone made me terrified of my own shadow. The abusive boyfriend told me it was my fault. I am twenty-one now. I still do not feel beautiful and whole, as much as I wish I could. My boyfriend tells me all these wonderful things about myself... I just can't believe him. I have trust issues. I don't like for him to watch movies with "hot" actresses, have female friends, or look at Playboy. He says it's harmless... but it makes me feel as if he doesn't love me. I just want to know if anyone else can relate to me.

I can't relate to you fully since I have not gone through what you have. And I must say that I am very sorry you have -hug-

Thing is, predators can sense vulnerability. People can feel and see your insecurities and low self esteem and there are those out there who are just waiting for a chance to take advantage of that.

I hope you continue some sort of counseling. Or perhaps you can find some sort of support group for women and help build up your self esteem and self worth.

As far as the boyfriend, men need to realize that oogling women in magazines, online, strip clubs etc, usually help destroy confidence in their partners and can cause serious problems in a relationship. In a way it is harmless because he isn't exactly cheating on you but he needs to understand how this makes you feel.

Men need to learn to fantasize and adore their women and their women only. Their women need to be enough.
I think society teaches us that it's okay for men to do such things without consequence. But there are always consequences. Unfortunately, it's usually the woman who suffers for it.

You need to make it clear to him how these things make you feel. And if he truly loves you, he should respect that. He doesn't need sexy actresses or playboy, but he does need a woman to love and cherish him. If he can't realize that, then perhaps he isn't worth your time.

There are men out there who don't read playboy and such. You can find one just as I did. Good luck to you.

I can relate to you hun. I'm 46 and dont feel sexy, beautiful or in any way attractive. From the age of 6 my mother put me on a diet and refered to my sister as the pretty one and me as the other one. Over the years my love life has been abusive both physically and mentally but now I'm with a great guy who appreciates my issues and helps every way he can. I've never cut but I can understand the reasons people do.

Unfortunately, I grew up feeling the same way as Sherrah. I never liked my body (I've always been slim but curvy, 34-26-36), and didn't understand why I couldn't be skinny like all of the other little girls. As I entered high school, I hid my body with baggy clothes and began cutting, drugs, you name it. I met my husband when I was 18, and had been through some pretty tough abusive relationships (jaw fractured & ribs bruised @ 16, and the next serious relationship, the guy was a porn addict and rejected me a lot for the habit). I couldn't figure out for the life of me why I wasn't good enough. Now my husband is great with the kids (we have 2, a boy and a girl) and everything else in the marriage is great, except, he likes to stare at other women. He was addicted to porn when we met, which he no longer looks at as far as I know. He knows how it makes me feel, but he claims there's nothing he can do about it, that women are everywhere so he its not like he can refrain in public. He claims he'd either have to stay home all the time to avoid it or keep his eyes on the floor every time we're in public. Is it not possible to control yourself? Really! What ever happened to respecting your wife because you LOVE her and want her to be HAPPY? This is the ONLY problem in our marriage we've ever had because he refuses to stop looking around and realize what he has right in front of him. I wont sit here and say I feel like I look better than any of them, but I know I'm worthy of more sexual attention than what he gives me, which he's wasting on other women. In what words would you explain all of this to a man? I've been trying to for 6 years and nothing ever comes of it. Hes the type who will sit there and listen and say "Well what do you want me to say?". It tears me down daily, and I have daggers every time I see him look at another woman. My biggest insecurity is my teeth, they need a lot of work because of a lack of money and dental care for so long. I have minimal insecurities now.. just a pinch too much of skin here and cellulite there and my teeth, but overall, I've got more potential than I give myself credit for sometimes. Ive had 2 kids, I'm 25 and I look like I'm still 18, so I'm not so incredibly insecure about my looks nowadays.. I've been worse off than I am now. Any ideas on wording all this to him?? Or maybe a new approach? I love him and I want to be with him, and this is the only issue I have in this marriage. I'm so sorry you've had to go through all of that, Sherrah and Sindri, but I'm so glad you both have MEN in your lives now that treat you the way you deserve. Its nice to know that some men really do care. @ Jellyroll, you are so absolutely right in everything you wrote. Which is exactly why my son will grow up respecting women as much as I can instill in him. I want to raise a man in this house. ::hugs:: to all of you!