BellaOnline Forums Relationships Married No Kids Question of dating

So there are individual forums on this site addressing many topics, but if I may do issue a combo question here, I'd be really interested to hear what you all have to say. If you're single, how do you handle the possibility of dating someone with children? Is it a situation you avoid altogether? If you are a parent, what are your thoughts on dating someone who is childfree, i.e. no intention of ever, ever becoming a parent (and acquiring all that comes with it)? Priorities are so different on either side. What are your experiences in either of these situations? Keen to hear your responses!

when i started dating again after my divorce, i didn't really think about it. i was more worried they'd be the ones asking me if i had kids or not (very long story on why i don't). but only one guy asked, and when i said no, he said, "after a 14-yr-marriage?" and he seemed so shocked and almost disgusted by it that i didn't take it any further.

i got very fortunate because the guy i'm dating now doesn't even want marriage let alone children. when i was hoping to adopt this summer, he supported me 100%, and he was there for me when it fell through and didn't happen.

if a guy had kids, i would probably have steered away. mainly because it means there is the possibility of an ex-wife out there (unless he's a widow). if there's an ex-wife, then there will be contact with her, and i don't think i would be able to deal with that.

i've noticed that my girlfriends who have children and are divorced are always in relationships with men who have children too. i don't know how it works out, and i don't really understand it all. i think that would be really hard to get used to having all those kiddos going in so many different directions and trying to keep everything organized.

so for myself, it never really was an issue, but i probably would have stayed away from the dads.

I have to admit, I have made a very FIRM decision not to date any man with kids under 18. Been there, done that - will NOT do it again!

Now - If the kids are older than 18 AND really wouldn't mind Dad seeing someone - that is fine with me.

I've never dated anyone prior to or after my marriage who had children. I've never been interested in the role of caretaker nor have I wanted to deal with someone's ex on a regular basis. Also, it seems like divorced fathers seek out a mate who will also double as a babysitter. Bleah.

Fortunately, I haven't had any trouble finding cf guys to date since my divorce.

now, here's a question. how do you discuss with someone you're dating that you've chosen CF? and when do you discuss it? do you just hope it pops up somehow in conversation? or what?

the man i'm with now has been my brother's best friend for over 20 years. so he knew my past history with infertility and miscarriages. it's like my brother prepped him for me right after the first couple of dates. and he really wanted to know how i felt about it and how i felt around children. he said he never wanted any of his own, but he loved kiddos and loved to spend time with his niece and nephew. fortunately, i was at the stage where i was better around kids than i had been for years.

but i wonder about y'all when you're dating someone who doesn't know you that well? sometimes CF might be a deal-breaker, just like a guy with kids would be a deal-breaker. so how do you tell them? i'm hoping i'll never have to go through it again, and that this relationship lasts. but i'm just curious.

i know i cringed when i thought of going out with someone. what if they asked that dreaded question? how would i answer them? i was already damaged goods because of the divorce (or at least i was in my eyes), and then i was damaged goods because i couldn't even reproduce if i wanted to. i was very scared to date at first. so it took a while before i could even think about talking to guys again.

I tell them the truth - up front - BEFORE any attachments are formed. If he doesn't like it, then we can stop anything before anything starts.

Somehow the cf subject tends to come up immediately for me. I like it that way because it really is a dealbreaker. It helps to be comfortable with your feelings on the subject, as it can be so volatile for some people.

It should have been a deal-breaker for me too, it had been so in the past, but somehow, although we were totally honest from the beginning, I just could not give up the man who is now my husband. I had been single enough time to know that such a great guy does not grow in trees :-))) We have been together almost five years and sometimes I regret having gone against everything I am having a child, I miss my childfree existence almost everyday but I don't regret that I stayed by his side for a minute. Life and relationships are really complicated!!!