BellaOnline Forums Relationships Single Life What does this guy want from me? Guys answer too.

Jone,

It does sound like he only comes to you when he "wants" something or maybe his friends were busy all that day and is why he wanted your company. Does he do romantic things for you? Does he write you love notes? Does he buy you cards or little gifts outside of birthdays and anniversaries? Does he tell you that you look pretty even when you feel you don't?

What I am trying to get at is, is their any romantic gesture or does he just try to get you in the sack when he's bored or wants attention? You really need to sit down with him and talk to him about how you are feeling. I never did until I was angry about something and that is one of the things that led to my impending divorce.

If you are serious and want to make this relationship work, you have to tell him that you don't mind if he spends time with his friends as long asa he gives you equal time. Don't be confrontational and make it an ultimatum thing like " it's me or its your friends. Which one do you choose?"

The next time he says that you have no time for him then say "What about last Saturday? I wanted to go on a picnic with you but you decided to watch college football instead. What about the Sunday before that? We were supposed to go out to a movie and dinner but you thought it would be a better idea to hang with Tom instead."

Once you mention these instances to him, it may get him to thinking about it and the next time you make plans to do something with him and at the last minute he begs off because "something suddenly came up", then remind him not to come to you and complain about not having time for him. If he still goes to hang out with the guys after that, then it may be time to do a reality check and really think about if this is really what you want out of a relationship.

There are too many other guys out there who will treat you right and you shouldn't have to settle for second string, second choice or second fiddle.

If your into chaos, drama, confusion in a relationship then he would seem to make a perfect mate. If you are looking for a mature relationship with honesty, RESPECT and trust - then keep moving sunshine! Open your eyes, trust yourself and what you see...Listen to what he's truly saying to you (the excuses probably get more dramatic by the moment). Everyone enjoys being needed, wanted and desired - thats human nature BUT not to have to beg for someone to care. If he wants to spend time with you - he's a "big boy" he will find a way - friends or no friends. Who is he having this 'relations' with YOU or his friends?? Have RESPECT for yourself - your a gift from God - get into "healthy" relationships (including friends & family) and find out what YOU like to do/ and what you truly want in a relationship - and in YOUR life. P.S. Thought to ponder...If people pay for water (bottled), music (ipod), internet (we're all here), nice dinners - you get the idea - why on earth would you give a way YOU! Don't we all like some of the finer things in life - we are willing to save and work hard to pay for it right!?! YOU are a FINE person in life, don't sell yourself short...you are worth the hard work and wait -find someone that deserves YOU (he's probable standing right in front of you and you don't know it!) :O)

HI, TO JONE 6338,
I think you were refering to what I posted. Well, you mentioned that you took a few months to get to know him before going to bed with him. It takes more than a few months to get to know any person. Whether it is for a relationship, friendship etc. Some home & business transactions take longer periods of time. If you are in it only for sex & you both agree, that is up to you. But most women do not want to be in it just for that. Even if they say so.

Vance & 4Fitness are right. There are many other men who will treat you right. But you have to respect yourself 1st. I know many women who just jump into the sex part very soon. Yes, you are right that a person is showing only their good side. But if you take more time to get to know someone & how they are in differnent situations then you can tell more about how a person really is. Some men will act real nice & good to you at 1st until they get you into bed. Then the magic for them wears off.

Yes, if all he wants is sex from you he should be honest. But many men are not. Not all men. There are many wonderful men out there. But there are many who are like this. Many women will by pass nice men & go for certain types who know just what to say for what they want. I would just learn from this experience. I would not waste any more time on him.

You can't make him care for you & want to be with you. 4Fitness really said alot of good things to you. I seen too many women put up with drama like this. Many of them waste years being used by men who do not care about them at all. All of this time they waste they could be with a good man who treat them like a Queen.

You also mentioned in your 1st post how he tries to blame you for things not working out. Yet he is the 1 who never has time for you. Unless it is for sex. Also Love & sex are 2 different things at times. Some people can have sex without any love feelings. I'm sure that is not what you want. If you keep wasting your time with him you will only continue to hurt yourself. I don't want to hurt your feelings but sometimes people need to hear the truth & not what they want to hear.

If you have any kids & they are adults, would you advise your daughter to keep going to bed with a man who treated her this bad? Good luck to you. Please love & respect yourself 1st. Best Wishes, Judy K. Chicago.

This is a guy that likes the feel of the challenge of having you, and he will make you think your going crazY! He is not about having a relationship, he likes to feel in control, and this is his way of feeling that, No matter what he will work you over until their is nothing left of you, you will question your own thinking, he will have you question if your doing something wrong? I have watched this relationship play out with my Mom for 19 years,and the manipulation is suttle enough, that this person has conned all of us in the family,it's so crazy.

We are all smart and caring people, and this guy came into my Mom's life and has played head games, and lived off my Mom's good nature and her hard work, she felt as you did that this was an amzing love, She stayed single for 27 years and raised us kids. She had relationships, but when she met Mike, she thought he was the one,They dated and after they got married, The con and games escalated! No-one saw it coming, and my Mom did hide some facts of his personality, that she thought she could change.

My Mom is still at odds with how she allowed this person to manipulate her, and how it took away so much of her precious life, and valuable time she will never have back.Please run and run fast! You deserve happiness!

P.S. I hope this is not the case,It just sounds a lot like the situation my Mom and Friends have found themselves, The thrill of the chase, not really respecting you as the good women you are. I felt I needed to add that!

gee... ms jeanne..well said...
we have the same opinion...coz for me if the guy really likes u he will pursue u no matter what... and he will have time for u...he will choose u not his friends!!!



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I agree with the posts here-this seems like game playing. He is actually probably thrilled with the attention you are giving him and doesn't want it to stop. Yet he is also not willing to give in return. It is a one-sided relationship and you should not be subjected to that. I would start by just distancing yourself and see if he comes chasing. If he does then there are real feelings there. If not then move on.