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Joined: Dec 2004
Posts: 542
BellaOnline Editor Gecko
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OP
BellaOnline Editor Gecko
Joined: Dec 2004
Posts: 542 |
A friend was in front of me coming out of church one day, and the preacher was standing at the door as he always is to shake hands. He grabbed my friend by the hand and pulled him aside. The Pastor said, "You need to join the Army of the Lord!"
My friend said, "I'm already in the Army of the Lord, Pastor."
Pastor questioned, "How come I don't see you except at Christmas and Easter?"
He whispered back, "I'm in the secret service!"
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Joined: Feb 2008
Posts: 910
Parakeet
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Parakeet
Joined: Feb 2008
Posts: 910 |
LOL! that is funny Carolyn
So is this one: A man and a priest go to play golf together. The man hits the golf ball but missess the hole Oh B***** he says. The Priest is shocked. If you swear like that again I will pray that God hits you with a thunderbolt! He says. The man hits his golf ball again, but again missess, unable to resist, he says Oh B****! the priest prays and sure enough a thunderbolt comes down from heaven. It hits the priest. a voice comes down from heaven Oh B**** says God, I missed!
I found that one hilarious!!
Nicola Jane Soen
Love is wisdom.
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Joined: Dec 2004
Posts: 40
Newbie
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Newbie
Joined: Dec 2004
Posts: 40 |
The four food groups: Fast, Frozen, Instant, and Chocolate.
Cheers! Dragonfly
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Joined: Apr 2008
Posts: 64
Amoeba
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Amoeba
Joined: Apr 2008
Posts: 64 |
Edited by management for TOS violations
Last edited by Jeanne Daigle; 01/03/09 12:35 PM.
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Joined: Dec 2004
Posts: 542
BellaOnline Editor Gecko
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OP
BellaOnline Editor Gecko
Joined: Dec 2004
Posts: 542 |
My cousin sent me this one: When I got home from work last night, my wife demanded that I take her out to some place expensive...................
So I took her to a gas station!!!!!!!
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Joined: Dec 2004
Posts: 542
BellaOnline Editor Gecko
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OP
BellaOnline Editor Gecko
Joined: Dec 2004
Posts: 542 |
Signs:
At an Optometrist's Office: "If you don't see what you're looking for, you've come to the right place."
*****
In the front yard of a Funeral Home: "Drive carefully. We'll wait."
*****
Sign over a Gynecologist's Office: "Dr. Jones, at your cervix."
*****
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Joined: Feb 2006
Posts: 2,172
Koala
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Koala
Joined: Feb 2006
Posts: 2,172 |
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Joined: Dec 2005
Posts: 5,582
BellaOnline Editor Wolf
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BellaOnline Editor Wolf
Joined: Dec 2005
Posts: 5,582 |
lol Carolyn. Sad but true.
A Mafia Godfather finds out that his bookkeeper has cheated him out of ten million bucks. His bookkeeper is deaf. That was the reason he got the job in the first place. It was assumed that a deaf bookkeeper would not hear anything that he might have to testify about in court. When the Godfather goes to confront the bookkeeper about his missing $10 million, he brings along his attorney, who knows sign language. The Godfather tells the lawyer, "Ask him where the 10 million bucks he embezzled from me is."
The attorney, using sign language, asks the bookkeeper where the money is.
The bookkeeper signs back, "I don't know what you are talking about."
The attorney tells the Godfather, "He says he doesn't know what you're talking about."
The Godfather pulls out a pistol, puts it the bookkeeper's temple and says, "Ask him again!"
The attorney signs to the bookkeeper, "He'll kill you if you don't tell him!"
The bookkeeper signs back, "OK! You win! The money is in a brown briefcase, buried behind the shed in my cousin Enzo's backyard in Queens!"
The Godfather asks the attorney, "Well, what'd he say?"
The attorney replies, "He says you don't have the guts to pull the trigger."
Last edited by Vance Wrestling and Crime; 06/10/08 02:05 AM.
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Joined: Dec 2005
Posts: 5,582
BellaOnline Editor Wolf
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BellaOnline Editor Wolf
Joined: Dec 2005
Posts: 5,582 |
13 CHILDREN'S BOOK TITLES THAT NEVER MADE IT TO THE BEST SELLER LIST
1. You Were an Accident 2. Strangers Have the Best Candy 3. The Magic World Inside the Abandoned Refrigerator 4. The Boy Who Died From Eating All His Vegetables 5. Your Nightmares Are Real! 6. Grandpa Gets a Casket 7. Dad�s New Wife, Robert 8. Curious George and the High Voltage Fence 9. The Pop-Up Book of Human Anatomy 10. Whining, Kicking and Screaming To Get Your Way 11. What Is That Dog Doing to That Other Dog? 12. Why Can't Mr. Fork and Ms. Electrical Outlet Be Friends? 13. Daddy Drinks Because You Cry
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Joined: Dec 2004
Posts: 542
BellaOnline Editor Gecko
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OP
BellaOnline Editor Gecko
Joined: Dec 2004
Posts: 542 |
Please excuse the rough language in the following story...
A young couple got married and went on their honeymoon. When they got back, the bride immediately called her mother. "Well," said her mother, "So how was the honeymoon?"
"Oh, mama," she replied, "The honeymoon was wonderful! So romantic..."
Suddenly she burst out crying. "But, mama, as soon as we returned, Sam started using the most horrible language -- things I'd never heard before! I mean, all these awful 4-letter words! You've got to take me home, PLEASE MAMA!"
"Sarah, Sarah," her mother said, "calm down! You need to stay with your husband and work this out. Now, tell me, what could be so awful? WHAT Four letter words?"
"Please don't make me tell you, mama," wept the daughter, "I'm so embarrassed, they're just too awful! COME GET ME, PLEASE!!"
"Darling, baby, you must tell me what has you so upset. Tell your mother these horrible 4-letter words!"
Still sobbing, the bride said, "Oh, Mama..., he used words like: dust, wash, iron, cook..."
"I'll pick you up in twenty minutes," said the mother.
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