BellaOnline Forums Family Daughters dance ball

im having a fight with my mom and grandma over my first ever formal dance ball - i was thinking maybe someone on the forums could help me with advice or stuff on what to do

Hi Carrie,

I see you're from Australia, is this a common event for girls your age? What seems to be the dilemma? Let us know where you are differing with your mom and grandmom and we can see how you might come to a compromise.

So let us know if you need advice on doing something special for your formal, or if you need help communicating. I'm sure we have some very helpful ladies here that can leave advice for you before your party.

Violette

my mom and grandma have a lot of ideas about what il be wearing and looking like at the dance ball - mostly involving silk and satin and dresses and jewellery and flowers and perfume

i live in tshirts and pants and stuff so - yeah

i dont know what to do - i feel alone - almost scared - please help me

Carrie,

I know you came to the right place. My older daughter is so much like you. She doesn't like dresses either.

I would try to nicely ask them if you guys could come to a compromise. Tell your mom how you feel and that since this is a special day for you, you want to celebrate it in your own special way.

Would there be an appropriate shirt/jacket combo you could wear with a nice pair of slacks? Then you could let them handle shoes and jewelry maybe, or flowers and your hair.

Think about what would be most important to you, and how you would feel more comfortable and try to do that. But it is special to them too, and you might want to find something they could do.

Give grandmom a task and mom and task and ask them if you could be in charge of one element (mostly what you want to wear, RIGHT?)

I understand. My daughter feels funny if she looks different than she does on every other day, so she doesn't try new things like dresses. She said she would wear a dress when she gets married. Maybe you could tell your mom that and it would make her smile.

If you need advice on fashion or jewelry, we also have a Beauty and Self forum, and I'm sure the ladies there can help you too, in case they don't see this post. So feel free to visit everybody and we'll get you set for that dance ball.

I hope you get back to the forum sometime when Australia is awake, and hopefully Bella has been a helpful place for you.

Carrie, how about you find some pictures of what you like and would be willing to wear and share them with your folks?

I don't think I owned a dress during my high school years except for homecoming and prom dresses. All were very plain as I do not like frilly or fussy clothes at all.

So, pick a couple of styles and colors you like. They may just not have a clue what you prefer.

And, if you are totally set on not wearing a dress, there are female tuxedos--always cool, and even some dressy pants outfits that are quite formal and great-looking. Like wide-leg pants with a beaded camisole top.

You can even compromise -- wear a nice dress or whatever for pictures, then change into something a bit more comfy for dancing!

Good luck!

I tried to bring up pants
they both said no - and a lot more - chewed me out

they seem to want me to look like the girliest girly girl that ever lived - i dont want to wear a dress or perfume or jewellery or silk or...

what should i do?
what should i say?
What would people here say to them?
im crying in front of a screen and i feel so stupid

I have a suggestion...what about something like a formal pant suit. I recall (ions ago) when I when to my formal prom that some of the more athletic girls came in formal black tie pant suits complete with pin stripes. How about something like that? You could look really dressed up and sleek and very unique. I think you would really stand out and be making a statement. You could where a white frilly blouse with it to make it more feminine if you like. It's all up to you, after all, it's your prom and you need to be comfortable in what you where.

What are your friends wearing? Have you tried on any dresses? I would suggest checking out some dresses before saying no totally to the idea. You don't have to go all frilly but the formality of the occasion should be a dress. Especially if everyone else is wearing one. The point of it is not to wear what you would wear everyday. Also a pant suit would draw more attention to you which is what I get the impression you are trying to avoid.

Go with a friend and check out a few styles, try them on. You don't have to commit to anything. You might find something simple and understated that both you and your family can live with. It's only one day. You can do it. Nobody feels comfortable with events like this but once you get through this one the next one will be easier. Deep breath...

When I was in school and my Mother started to get a little too pushy about what I was, and was not, to wear I just backed out of the entire dance completely.

How do your friends respond to your dilemma? Are they supportive of your point of view? Maybe a friend or two could calmly help to explain your position to your Mother and Grandma. I don't see what they are getting so upset about, but that's just me.

How old are you? Are you old enough to buy or make your own outfit for yourself? I just have a real problem with anyone telling anyone else what they can, or cannot wear. I never did that with my children,(except in matters of safety)and I wouldn't take that kind of meddling involvement from my Mother. If there is still enough time, and you can sew, try making your own outfit. That way they aren't buying it for you and you can make what you like.

I guess what I had in mind was not just a traditional pant suit but a sort of dress that had long sleeve-like flowing connected pants. I have a knock-out outfit that I wear to weddings that looks 100% like a long black dress because it has full layered black flowing legs with a skirt topping over it, but underneath are pants. The top has long lacy see-through black sleeves for the arms and a low cut v-neck with rind-stone buttons. The outfit is to die for. It by no means is something I would wear to a non-formal event. It is definitely a very formal, either wedding or in this young woman's case, a formal prom-type outfit. That is what I had in mind and did not do a good job conveying it. I wear it because I don't have to wear pantihose with it and because it is outrageously comfortable. I feel great in it and from the sounds of it, this young woman might like to go this route as well. Again, it is extremely formal all the way around and I wouldn't have suggested it otherwise. Sorry for the misunderstanding and I hope I cleared things up.