It originally aired last year - this is a repeat. I would never seek out Dr. Phil for help in raising my kids.
I don't know what the family's situation was that caused them to contact the Dr. Phil show in the first place; if it was a matter of 'last resort' then I am glad they sought every opportunity available in what might have been a desperate situation for them.
It could be that some viewers feel that they are in a similar desperate situation, with no positive options that they can find; no hope that their families' lives will ever improve or be joyful again.
When I was in college I was trained to work with moms who called in to a child abuse prevention hotline ~ who felt they would hurt their children if they did not get help. My group were the only volunteers trained there who had not yet been parents. We were taught that the best thing we could do for the children was to be a supportive and listening friend to the mother.
It was very difficult for me because I could not imagine how a person could be frustrated or angry with a baby, especially a mother with her own baby. But some years later I took great comfort when a parent ed instructor in our Mommy and Me class assured us that our babies were not "out to get us" ~ we all laughed but I was not the only one who used that as a sort of mantra in difficult situations.
Some of the moms lived in financially desperate situations with no family or friends around to help, but there were as many who seemed to have all the advantages but were overwhelmed by caring for their children. I think it is difficult for many women to ask for help or advice, for fear of being judged or seen as incompetent and unworthy. And for many, that support is just not there, no matter how affluent the neighborhood. These days, some people live so far beyond their means, they can't afford to pay for help, either.
For whatever reason, even the best moms I've met in my life have had periods of time when they did not like themselves for feeling overwhelmed, whether actions followed those feelings or not. I don't think we can hold moms of children with special needs to an even higher standard.
Resources fall short for families in many areas, and for parents of children with challenging behavior and developmental disabilities, many of the best options are beyond reach both geographically and financially.
Even if my son were not one of Dr. Phil's biggest fans, I would have to give the Dr. Phil show credit for finding help for the child with Down syndrome and autism dual diagnosis. The same hierarchy can exist among families of children with special needs as in the mainstream community, of course.
Most families whose children have Down syndrome feel great tenderness for families whose children have a dual diagnosis or greater challenges than the average child with Down syndrome.
It could never take away from the general public's perception of our children's potential and accomplishments enough to want those few to grow up without greater support from our communities, especially for more complicated individuals and their families.
When being on Dr. Phil's show helps one child or family, that may give hope to those at home who identify with that family's situation.
Pam W
SE of Seattle
Thoughts From the Middle of the Night
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