Dr. Phil's show is on right now, and the topic deals with special needs kids. Specifically, it's about moms who are at their wits' ends and no longer know how to deal with their kids, no longer know how to go on with them.

It originally aired last year - this is a repeat. I would never seek out Dr. Phil for help in raising my kids.

It's about time. Enough mainstream parents have been on tv saying they are feeling overwhelmed by their mainstream children. I'm almost certain most moms are very much more like those who we see on SuperNanny before they find some strategies that work most of the time for raising their little rascals.

Kids with special needs are born into all sorts of families ~ and I'm thinking that the same parents who were featured on this show could have been there had their children not had special needs ~ once you get past the threshold of parenting being overwhelming, the challenges of children with special needs only adds fuel to the fire. All parents need support, respite, and some well placed clues on how to deal with the realities of child-rearing in general. And let's not even get started on time for romance, ambition, or vacations.

But I guess we'll know we've come full circle with the grown up kids with special needs come on to do a show challenging their parents' decisions about raising them.

It could be charming with Jason Kingsley talking about the OPA ~ Overprotective Mothers Association. I think I read about that in the book he wrote with Mitchell Levitz, _Count Us In: Growing up with Down Syndrome_. My son was ten when they came out to the local Barnes and Noble for a booksigning, presentation and Q&A session.

Jason told my son "You are more together than most ten year olds I've met." My son replied, "I know." I missed most of their conversation because I was down and aisle trying to control my emotional reaction to seeing them talking together so earnestly.

The authors were very thoughtful and considerate to the parents of all the young people with Down syndrome in that audience. For a while my son tried to read to a two year old with DS in the children's section of the bookstore ~ he stood up and followed the toddler around, finishing the book with a few of the other children following behind like little ducklings.

Pam W
SE of Seattle

Communication Autism and Developmental Disabilities
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There was some discussion about the show on the down-syn list, and a letter from a national organization (the National Down Syndrome Society) website was posted. I will paste that letter below.

I'm still trying to figure out what it is that disturbs me about the NDSS letter. I am sure they did not mean to infer that people with Down syndrome have to work harder than most people to become valuable members of the community. My son was born valuable. Those who do not share in the accomplishments that most do, often with a few opportunities and small accommodations, are valuable no matter what their challenges, potential, or additional diagnosis.

It might have been a good thing to have an 'atypical' child with Down syndrome and his family included in the program, since so many of us do have atypical children who have every right to express their diversity from the average child with or without DS, or the average child who has DS, with or without autism.

Pam W
SE of Seattle

Inclusive Education and the Culture of Down Syndrome
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I think I might know the family they want interviewed with a dual diagnosis. I reviewed her first book and know she is working or finishing her second and has several blogs.

I don't know what the family's situation was that caused them to contact the Dr. Phil show in the first place; if it was a matter of 'last resort' then I am glad they sought every opportunity available in what might have been a desperate situation for them.

It could be that some viewers feel that they are in a similar desperate situation, with no positive options that they can find; no hope that their families' lives will ever improve or be joyful again.

When I was in college I was trained to work with moms who called in to a child abuse prevention hotline ~ who felt they would hurt their children if they did not get help. My group were the only volunteers trained there who had not yet been parents. We were taught that the best thing we could do for the children was to be a supportive and listening friend to the mother.

It was very difficult for me because I could not imagine how a person could be frustrated or angry with a baby, especially a mother with her own baby. But some years later I took great comfort when a parent ed instructor in our Mommy and Me class assured us that our babies were not "out to get us" ~ we all laughed but I was not the only one who used that as a sort of mantra in difficult situations.

Some of the moms lived in financially desperate situations with no family or friends around to help, but there were as many who seemed to have all the advantages but were overwhelmed by caring for their children. I think it is difficult for many women to ask for help or advice, for fear of being judged or seen as incompetent and unworthy. And for many, that support is just not there, no matter how affluent the neighborhood. These days, some people live so far beyond their means, they can't afford to pay for help, either.

For whatever reason, even the best moms I've met in my life have had periods of time when they did not like themselves for feeling overwhelmed, whether actions followed those feelings or not. I don't think we can hold moms of children with special needs to an even higher standard.

Resources fall short for families in many areas, and for parents of children with challenging behavior and developmental disabilities, many of the best options are beyond reach both geographically and financially.

Even if my son were not one of Dr. Phil's biggest fans, I would have to give the Dr. Phil show credit for finding help for the child with Down syndrome and autism dual diagnosis. The same hierarchy can exist among families of children with special needs as in the mainstream community, of course.

Most families whose children have Down syndrome feel great tenderness for families whose children have a dual diagnosis or greater challenges than the average child with Down syndrome.

It could never take away from the general public's perception of our children's potential and accomplishments enough to want those few to grow up without greater support from our communities, especially for more complicated individuals and their families.

When being on Dr. Phil's show helps one child or family, that may give hope to those at home who identify with that family's situation.

Pam W
SE of Seattle

Thoughts From the Middle of the Night
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