BellaOnline Forums Home and Garden Natural Living ANE: EVOLVE OR DIE! and other a-ha moments

Hi everyone,
I'm finding discomfort within

Ok, two weeks ago I would have said I feel awful - as I learn to reframe my language, look at 'illness' in a different way, and realize that my symptoms are just physical releases as the Ego fights my growing awareness but it's really hard!!!!!!

I went for a Reiki session Friday and turned to Lousie Hay's book, You Can Heal Your Life for guidance. I wrote pages of notes about what I might be feeling and why and I keep coming back to the statement Eckhart makes in Chapter1 -- where he says EVOLVE OR DIE! I sure hope this is part of my evolutionary process!!!!!

I checked on Oprah's message boards and there are quite a few postings about illnesses, injuries and other manifestions that are knocking readers on their feet. Perhaps it's a global shift taking place and I'm off-balance.

I'm open to ideas Jeff feels it too, although he keeps his perspective much better than I do!

Anyone else ever experience anything like this with massive change/growth? What are your a-ha moments so far????

oh, and my other a-ha

I had the strangest experience yesterday. I went into a store, like a Canadian version of Best Buy (Future Shop) and stood in line to pick up my computer. Anyway, I focused on being - actually I just was. All of the sudden the world around me seemed so different.

Has anyone watched the Matrix when Neo realizes he's the one and the world ripples around him and the bullets just seem to stop in mid-air. Not that I'm the one -- just that kind of feeling. Everything else around me, the people, the conversations, the lighting, the displays just seemed to ripple and became extraneous. NO I AM NOT TAKING ANY COLD MEDICINE Marcia

Jeff here:
I have to add another thought to what Colleen has posted.

Another thing that I have noticed is how relationships are changing since I began this journey of growth. I feel like there are less people in my life, and that means less negativity.

Most of the people who are still around are very close and on a similar journey. Then, there are those who seem to be 'grasping' at us, almost like they are drowning and think that we are able to 'save' them.

Is anyone else having similar experiences?

Hi Colleen, I HAVE felt this - one of the Matrix moments... I'll be doing something, and very in the moment, then all of sudden I'll realize "I'm married, with kids, and I live here, and do this and that." I feel like I've suddenly been thrown into this life HA HA! Like I'm seeing it all for the first time.

Hi Jeff,

I have noticed this. A few years back I got really into the law of attraction, and people just started getting bored with me LOL. So, it wasn't like I had to even say "oh, they are so negative, I should get them out of my life." They simply got bored with me

But I have to stick with it --- sometimes I go on my complaining binges, and suddenly the whole worlds shifts back again.

Alrighty, I'm on the second cd now, which I think is chapter 2 and 3. The ah ha moments are happening very frequently.

The concept of the ego and "wanting" has never been so clear to me before. I can realy see that my being a slave is cluttering up my life. So yesterday I picked out 50 books to sell on Amazon. And I'll be going through some of my kids toys and clothes to put on ebay.

I've been so inspired, I'm really looking into a more simple living routine, and cutting back on things that just don't matter.

Like cable tv for one. I really believe that tv helps us to veg out after a long day ---- but at what cost. When we are vegging, we are in an extremely hypnotic state, so we absorbe everything that comes across the screen.

There are other ways to veg... even just 15 minutes of lying down makes me feel better than 2 hours of tv!

How about everyone else? How's the second week going?

A couple weeks ago I kept getting this urgent feeling that I had to complete my Reiki attunements and receive level III. It has been 15 years since my level II attunement. I kept getting the message that it was to prepare me for some things that I won't go into here but mainly for a new shift in my consciousness. So, I took the plunge and received my attunement, at a distance no less. It was the most powerful of all three.

I guess that has been my aha moment for now. For me, it was giving myself permission to feel "worth" receiving this since for many years I had self-worth issues around advancement in my healing practice.

Trish,

I can totally relate to this. I believe that the reason we want something so badly is because it's our soul guiding us to get it done --- it's our purpose, and what better way to get us to our purpose than by filling us with desire.

But.... then our ego starts telling us we aren't good enough, or don't deserve it, or it's too extravagent for us.

I've really been paying attention to this in myself lately, and the thing I have to say is that what I desire to to more than anything, I'm really good at. And I had to tell myself that's because I'm supposed to be doing it LOL. But for a long time I believed that I couldn't do it, it was just a pipe dream, and I'd never manage it.

Maybe our souls speak gently, and our ego shrieks LOL.

What a great thought Deanna. I think that we drown out the soulspeak as we get older as we learn that those around us don't hear their souls, so we play along to get along especially if it isn't nurtured at a young age.

In the beginning of my healing practice I listened too much to what others were saying and didn't listen to that nagging small voice that said, "That's cool for them, but it isn't you and don't let them tell you otherwise." I played along to get along, which seems to be more and more unacceptable as I grow into who I want to become. Does that make sense?

Hey Deanna and Trish, I love the conversation that has been happening between you.

As a life coach, I have learned that we are not taught how to be true to ourselves as children, so we simply do not know that it is possible. Secondly, because we do not know, when we begin to get an idea that more is possible, we have so many layers of 'stuff' to break down and get rid of that a lot of people convince themselves that it is not worth it.

In my opinion, they will always be in discomfort and eventually do the right thing, but how wonderful would it be to do it the first time around??

I encourage my clients to become aware of the little voices that Trish has termed 'soulspeak' and that when we trust them, the wonderful results are better than we can ever dream of...

Keep up the growing my friends!

Jeff

Wow Trish, can I ever relate to this LOL. I started off as a massage therapist. When I had clients who loved my massage, I loved myself. When they didn't like the massage, I hated myself.

It took me a while to figure out that just because someone didn't enjoy my massage, that didn't mean I was a bad person. Not everyone likes chocolate! That doesn't mean a thing - it's just perception.

When I had my first child, I used to take him to work with me. I warned my clients ahead of time that I had my new baby, and I may have to stop the massage to nurse him. Some of my clients went and saw the other therapist in the office - and I could totally understand that. I, personally, would prefer the whole hour to be about me when I get a massage for myself. So, all my clients who came in to see me KNEW about the baby.

Then, two years later, I had another baby. I was working from home by that point. I had a client call me who I hadn't seen since my first baby was born. She went on to inform me that the last massage she received from me was no good, and that I was too distracted during the massage because of the baby. Then she had the nerve to ask me if I was "still that way." Because, if not, she was willing to come back and give me another try. I told her I'd just had a baby, and wasn't back to work yet.

Then I got off the phone and cried. But then I thought, what kind of person does what she just did to me? She must have been pretty miserable to have to find someone she hadn't even seen in over two years, and COMPLAIN about them LOL.

What a HUGE lesson that was for me.

Now I really work to remember that we all have bad days and good days - and it really means nothing. Whoever came up with that quote "we're not human beings have a spiritual experience, we are spiritual beings having a human experience" really hit it right on the nose.

Hi Jeff,

You know what's kind of funny? When I was in high school, I knew I wanted to be a singer. More than anything. Everyone told me I was just a dreamer. So, I gave it up. I sang for fun, and was in a band with my hubby - all for fun.

Then a couple of years ago I started singing again - this time for money LOL. Now people are supportive of me - not one person has told me I'm a dreamer

I don't regret my life at all - in fact, it's been fabulous. But one does have to wonder, if we follow a childhood dream, where would we actually end up

Oh and Trish, I LOVE the term SOULSPEAK! How perfectly beautiful!

LOL...I can't remember where I got soulspeak from, but I remember reading it somewhere.

Thanks for the inspiring words Jeff and Deanna. I do wonder what would have happened if I chose a different fork in the road. That's why I find the concept of parallel universes and multidimensionality so fascinating. There are so many possible realities. Who knows, maybe one of the reasons we feel like we can practically taste another reality is because a part of us is living it already.

I wonder if I've gotten off topic yet...LOL.

Let me assure you Trish that as (unofficial) cofacilitator of this discussion board, we are not off topic at all, in fact, this is exactly where we are supposed to be.

Let me ask you ladies a question to take another tangent. Colleen and I downloaded and listened to the Oprah broadcast on Tuesday night. (I recommend that route to everyone, as the video seemed to be a bit too distracting and not necessary in my opinion).

Anyway, on thing that Tolle said that as a species, we take great enjoyment out of making movies, tv shows, and reading stories about others of our species being killed, maimed, raped, beat, etc. We are the only species who takes enjoyment out of that, which is a bit of a sign if you ask me...

My question is this: Do you know of good books to read that have some action in them, some mystery, some suspense, that do not involve a bunch of killing and misery and that a guy would like to read? Oh yes, another qualifier is that Fabio is not on the cover

Hi Trish, Deanna, Jeff and all

I don't think we're off topic at all. If anything I am reading about some amazing people who are living, speaking and singing their truths! Who are growing, shifting and evolving and realize how important our children, our families, our souls and our selves are among the 'clutter' that life presents.

Trish, I am fascinated with 'parallel'/alternate realities too! Maybe we experience alternate realities through dreams or otherwise so that we can learn about options that we may not already see in our current reality.

Deanna, and, although your written words, articles, poems, etc. are soulspeak, I would love to hear you soulsing!!!!!

OMG - I'm laughing so hard right now Jeff! Well, if you're not willing to read something with Fabio on the cover, I've got NUTHIN' for you! Not a thing! HA HA... Hubby and I brainstormed, and came up with nothing.

This would be a fun question to bring up over in books and tv.

What's funny is that when I first read your post I thought, "I do not have an obsession with death, misery, etc." But as soon as I started brainstorming, and thinking of my favorite books and movies - they all do contain some elements of violence. Even one of my favorite disney movies (The Emperer's New Groove)

Oh wait!!! The Princess Diaries!!! Well, Fabio may be on the cover of that one.

So, as I think about it, all my favorite tv shows have some element of violence - even the comedies.

Wait - Bachelor Mother starring Ginger Rogers - a sweetie movie - no death and destruction.

I haven't downloaded Monday's chat yet. I may do that Saturday.

I cannot tell you how much I've been enjoying the book. I'm up to chapter 4 (I had to listen to chapter 3 twice today).

Hi Colleen,

As soon as I get my myspace music page up and running I will send you a link

Trish, I'm fascinated with parallel universes too. Ever since Star Trek

Jeff, I was thinking Shirley Temple! THen I remembered I cry at every movie she ever made!

Hmmmm, interesting questions. I have to be honest though. I am not a fan of Oprah usually. I do tend to like darker stories. I don't think it is as unhealthy as Oprah says to look at the dark as long as we can also respect the light.

Like Deanna, I brainstormed and can't come up with a thing for you to read (and definitely no Fabio covers:).

I thought about this for a long time last night - simply because I was so surprised, when I counted, how many movies and stories that I love that have violence in them.

Stories of violence have always existed. Go back to the Greek Gods - egads, Zeus screwed around on his wife, and started wars not only among the humans, but among his fellow gods and goddesses.

The old celtic folkstores contained much war and violence.

But, what I notice is that these old stories with violence do tell a tale.

The gods and goddesses were protrayed, not as divine compassionate beings, but as immortal beings no different from humans LOL.

They are the story of us. Many belief systems hold that the soul is immortal. And whether or not it incarnates in a physical form over and over, the soul basically has one life (just a really really really long one), with many different aspects.

The characters in movies always have a choice about what they do. They can choose to follow the path of the ego (villian), or they can follow the path of their higher self (the hero).

I've decided that the reason I love the movie "Serenity" is because it's the story of people who are all trying their best to defeat an evil. In the end, they overcome it. I think it's an archetypal journey we all have to make, and maybe while we're in the midst of the journey, it helps to hear the tales.

Now I do agree that some movies are just mindlessly, stupidly violent. Those, I don't watch. My stories always have to have the hero who overcomes the dragon.

Deanna,

Serenity is a great example. Have you seen Firefly, the series it is based on? (A lot of fans are still angry it was canceled). There is a great deal of "anti-hero" action going on there. Basically, they are a group of people who are doing their best to survive in a bad situation, and sometimes good people need to do bad things to do that.

That is what I meant when I said I liked darker stories. I appreciate the complexity of those characters who have the darkness tugging on their coat tails. They may have to give in to it for a while to survive, but they do try to bring themselves out of it to bring balance to the situation.

I agree about the stupidly violent stuff. It's mindless and has no complexity of characters at all.

Trish, I LOVED that series, and am definately one of the disappointed fans

I remember one episode, where Jan first joined Serenity. Remember when he was with those other guys, and they were robbing the Captain - so the captain offered Jan more money, so he switched sides? I laughed so hard, but thought "OMG, how often do we do that ourselves?"

Starscream from the Transformers is another really great example. He has this battle going on in his head all the time. He hates Megatron, yet stays with him. Jan from Serenity, goes back and forth too... what a struggle they constantly face.

What a struggle we constantly face.

Every day is a new day to make either the right decision or the wrong decision. We may think we'll know how we choose at the beginning of the day, but really, only the day day can tell

Has it come down to this? We now have the Transformers as part of our discussion? Can we sink any further??

I really do appreciate the conversation about books and movies, and have come to another realization: Bad Stuff Happens. That is life, no matter how 'egoless' we are, no matter how good we try to be, the universe will always have some way of us measuring ourselves, and to do that we need something less good that we can compare to.

With that said, most of the books that I read, or movies that I watch do revolve around the theme of good vs evil. While some of the books have some pretty despicable things in them, they are an opportunity for the hero to make a choice, and often also the villain has an opportunity to make a choice as well. Look back (way back) to the original Star Wars series. Throughout the entire story there was fighting, however, the main characters (good and bad) had the opportunity to evaluate where they are and make a choice for what 'side' they wanted to be on. As I type this, I realize that all the stormtroopers are just like those now living in the world following bad directions from a higher power (the ego) and not questioning it. It does bring hope that if Darth Vader can renounce his dark side, then maybe the rest of humanity can as well.

So then, maybe another topic to discuss, are science fiction writers really just story tellers, or are they visionaries???

Have a great weekend! Jeff

Wait a minute Jeff - you loved the Transformers!!!! You even made me watch parts of it when we ran into Toys R Us and they had it playing!

Hmmm.... this statement has had me swirling Trish.

I even spent some time on your Bella web site and others trying to figure out what darkness meant to me - which then evolved to what does 'Pagan' mean to me? Of course, being raised strict Catholic and having Sr. Marion Joseph's voice in my head (let alone St. Nancy's (my Mom) and of course, my own voices) didn't help.

I found myself in a place of stillness this morning and came to the conclusion that darkness is not bad. My first impression was darkness meant evil. Recently I've just seen it as the absence of light. Now I'm not sure...

I looked up 'pagan' and I guess Jeff and I qualify, as we live in the boonies. It means RURAL <Latin>. Never would have guessed that given all of the societal ego-laden condemnations of Paganism.

Although I believe the power of Reiki and hold certification in Reiki Level 1 (as does Jeff) and our dearest friends consider themselves Medicine Women, Shamans, Faeries, Warlocks, and ??? I would not have considered myself a Pagan, until reading this passage from Pagan Federation web site:

Pagans honour the Divine in all its aspects, whether male or female, as parts of the sacred whole. Every man and woman is, to a Pagan, a beautiful and unique being. Children are loved and honoured and there is a strong sense of community. The woods and open spaces of the land, home to wild animals and birds, are cherished. Paganism stresses personal spiritual experience, and Pagans often find that experience through their relationship with the natural world that they love. We seek spiritual union with Divinity by attuning with the tides of Nature and by exploring our inner selves, seeing each reflected in the other. We believe that we should meet the Divine face to face, within our own experience, rather than through an intermediary. Although some paths do have leaders and teachers, these people act as facilitators, using their own wisdom and experience to help guide those in their care towards discovering their own sense and interpretation of the Divine. Our rites help us harmonise with the natural cycles, and so they are often held at the turning points of the seasons, at the phases of the moon and sun, and at times of transition in our lives."

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Ha Ha! I figured as much LOL! (pssst... we love that movie in our house too...)

Colleen, I know how much you have been exploring your spirituality (as we have been on that journey together), and I want to publicly acknowledge the depth of what you are saying here and experiencing.

It is a huge step for you to even do the research into the 'occult', and for you to find such a beautiful descriptive passage makes it much easier to let go of that ego. Keep up the growing!

Love Ya! Jeff

Wow, am I getting caught up in labeling and trying to determine 'right and wrong'... Is this ego fighting to regain control?