BellaOnline Forums Relationships Married No Kids dealing with loneliness

So sorry to read this antikid!!
Hang in there. Good times come after bad, and you will make it through to a better time. A whole world of opportunities is opening for you with this change. Good luck. Sending positive thoughts and virtual hugs your way.

I think you're right. I had a really tough time when my marriage ended, because suddenly the world seemed to be full of couples. And even if friends try not to take sides, subconsciously or otherwise, they always do.

My relationships with a lot of my female friends changed overnight as well. It was as if by being single, I was a threat to their marriages, and I was suddenly excluded from things I'd always been a part of before. In some cases, it wasn't even subtle!

This was actually the toughest part of the breakup for me. I can remember many nights spent railing against the unfairness of it all, and mourning the loss of my friends until I found some new ones of my own.

Frieda7- Thanks so much for the good thoughts...I am a strong person, I know I can do this.

Pikasam- Thanks to you too...Its kind of weird for me, actually a lot of my friends are single or getting divorced including my sister. So, they have been a great source of comfort and advice. My mind is whirling right now with all of the stuff we have to figure out, but at the bottom of it all I am relieved that finally my husband and I are both being honest about what we want and taking action instead of staying in a dead marriage. He is still my best friend; he just really isn't a husband. Strange huh?

On an evil note...I have never looked better. I am in the best shape of my life and IF (big if) I want to date, I don't think it will be a problem...I have a hot body hehehe

On a side note, he kept saying that me not wanting kids wasn't an issue for him...but I think it really is...every time we talked about it he would say that he wanted them, but he knew I didn't and wouldn't push me into it. So, whether he knows it or not, he is looking for a woman to have kids with and that is ok...it just isn't going to be me thank god!!!

I'm so sorry that this is happening. I hope you get through this okay. We're here for you!

i'm also so sorry to hear about your break-up and sending my support your way! you seem like a very strong person and i really hope things turn out well for you!

indigo

I have dealt with being alone my whole life. I am an only child in a very small family. I always had problems making friends with girls. They usually turned out to be fake backstabbers. My best friend died of cancer 13 years ago. When I was in college, my friends were mostly guys because the women were impossible.

I've been there and done that. And I'm still happy with my decision, and I still think that in these cases, it's the right thing to do.

Antikid,

I, too, am sorry that you're having to go through a divorce. You said you know you'll get through this, and I can already tell by your "voice" that you're right.

Sometimes it helps to hear other people's divorce stories (sometimes just to know you're in a BIG boat full of people who have faced a similar situation, other times to actually read a worse story...in a twisted way, it makes us feel good about ourselves when we can say, 'I might be in a tight spot right now, but at least I didn't have to face what SHE did!' -- like how many of us feel when we read TMC), so I'll briefly share mine.

I chose to remain a virgin until I married at age 25, and wouldn't you know the sicko cheated on me after only 11 months of marriage. I met my second husband at work when I was about 29, and we married almost two years later. That's the one who hit me and was more verbally cruel than Satan on the rag. We divorced two years ago.

Now, at 36, I too have thrown myself into the best shape I've ever been in, I got a bunch of new girl friends (mostly through a rowdy, wine-drinking Bunko group made up of professional women ages 25-45), I've settled into a CF mindset, got an even better job, have taken up racquetball and tennis, and I really enjoy my life. I'd be lying if I say I don't get lonely sometimes, but I'm lucky enough to still have both parents, and they live only six miles from me, so I can either go visit them, call up a friend for drinks/dinner, treat myself to the same (I LOVE treating myself to dinner or a movie), or ... oh yeah ... get together with my boyfriend. I sure do love the boyfriend of nearly 8 months, but I try to enrich my own life without him in many ways to offer us both a more fulfulling "together" time and so as not to become dependent on him for my own entertainment or enrichment.

There were a couple of things that kept me positive as I faced my two divorces, and the most important thing was that I didn't have to put any children through the same. "Thank you, God, for not 'blessing' me with children" became my divorce mantra. Other things were my friends, family, and the power of hopping a plane for new adventures to get my mind off the present situation.

Oh, I cried pretty hard a few times, especially in the first couple of weeks and months that followed the initial filing. But I had cried harder and more often being in that marriage -- abused physically and mentally, feeling like someone was eating a bit of my soul away every day I woke up in that house.

Good luck, Anti, as you get through this. Better times and better people await you in your near future.

I'm very sorry to hear this. I just found out that my fiance of 5 years has been seeing his ex-girlfriend for a few months. She has a daughter and he wants to marry her and continue a family. I'm feeling very lonely right now.