hi flowers - i just read your post. I am sorry to hear of your troubles and have some advice - although not professional. I did not have a sibling -but my best friend - who grew up with me-hung around our house-we were like sisters. We did everything together - her mom was an alcoholic and my father an alcoholic so we used each other as sounding boards. We spent so much time together - that as we grew up - married - had children (our children are close in age -she had 3 girls i had 3 boys) - we were always there for one another. If anything happened to her - it was like it was happening to me.
Her mom drifted in and out of her life and because of her alcoholism -it caused alot of issues for my sister (best friend). I will call her sister -my kids think of her that way. I thought because we both had the same issues that we would never have to deal with it in our own lives.
I would visit - and they would have parties - i never drank - but she did. Then she got cancer - and we almost lost her - i felt crushed. Then she had back surgery - she was in alot of pain - dealing with a mastectomy -and she started using alcohol and pain killers. I didn't know at first. I was shocked when her husband told me what was happening. Keep in mind - we saw each other almost every day. Shared everything - so i confronted her...and she said that she needed it.
We talked alot - but she needed help i couldn't give her and she wasn't willing to help herself. Her marriage ended and her kids slowly left. It was from talking to them that i found out they had gone thru the same issues we had as kids. I thought if i appealed to her sense of family (she was an awesome mom!) that she would stop - she wouldn't.
She hit bottom - lost everything - her family - her husband - and yes - even me. I couldn't let me kids around that anymore - it was damaging to all of us. I tried to reconnect a few years ago - but it was difficult to see her like that. I tried to help but she didn't want it. She was happy being depressed (i don't think happy - but used to it). She was spiralling out of control - but really didn't want to hear anything.
Unfortunately sometimes all we can do is be there for them. Listen to them. We tried everything with her. Counselling - pain reducing meds etc. The pain was too great for her-and she couldn't see past it. I've tried to be there for her - but it's difficult when someone doesn't see the problem....when someone can't see the light at the end of the tunnel. She did have problems - but ones that could've been managed - helped even. Her girls - despite the issues have turned into wonderful girls -they love their mom so much and remember what she used to be like - they are lucky to have a dad who is very involved with them too....and a family of support. But not having your mom is the worse scenario for a young girl.
My prayers are with you as you walk down this path. Love isn't a cure unfortunately - although it's a good medicine. Sometimes -just sometimes we can help them through to the other side....good luck and keep us posted
