BellaOnline Forums Family Daughters Emotionally Abusive Mothers

I clicked on this forum since it's titled "daughters". Anyway I will write my story but I would like to clarify upfront that I welcome only rational and fair opinions of especially daughters. All mothers who cannot be unbiased towards this topic, I urge you not to comment because I need constructive feedbacks.

I grew up with an emotional abusive mother. As a child, I was confused and had a miserable childhood. But one day, I discovered a book about emotional blackmail and abuse. I found myself having 95% of the symptoms and my mother meeting 99% of the criteria as an abuser.

Now I am entering my 30s, moved away from my country but I still suffer emotionally from communication with my mother.

Today, I had reached a new tolerance limit and is now trying to decide if I should stop communication with her. I have tried to explain to her, write to her, called her, showed her by example...nothing worked. Today I realized that nothing worked because she will never admit or see that she has a problem.
As she loses friends, siblings, my sister's love and other relationships, as she performs worse at work...the hole in her life is getting big. And from when I was born, my sister and I were expected to fill this hole. Since the hole is so big now...and I am a working adult with my own challenges, I no longer wish to try to fill up that hole. I am tired because my mother folds her arms and hope my sister and I will solve all her life's problems.

Another factor which brought me closer to my decision to cut ties is that my mother's influence and behaviour is causing hurt to my relationships and friendships. I have worked hard to build a normal life despite the abuses and I don't want to lose the relationships with others who have been supportive to me.
Anyone else in this situation? What should I do?

I can totally relate to this. I can't tell you what to do but the time I had no contact with my mother and her family (brothers and sisters) was the best. Some people won't change no matter how much you want them to or how much you beg or how much you try to explain to them how they are hurting you. They have their own agendas and cannot think outside themselves.

I say go for it. Give it a try. You said you live in another country? Just stop calling and taking messages. Change your phone number if you want. Give yourself a break. It sounds like you obviously need one. The break might do her some good too. It could be only a few months or a few years. I didn't talk or see my mother for 6 years. We have started writing letters a few times a year and when I'm in town I'll stop by for lunch. That's about all I can tolerate.

If you're thinking this is what you need then do it. Don't fill guilty for it. Don't overthink it.

I can't tell you what to do, I can only tell you how I have dealt with my situation, which in some ways is very similar. I am in my 30's now, and in counseling, learning how to cope with what I have fought with for years. I am an only child, the daughter of a single schizophrenic parent. While I was growing up, I had lots of things projected on me, that she felt were inadequate in herself, and plenty of emotional abuse that left me at the time very confused. Over time I turned my confusion into a misconception that everyone felt the same way about me, very critical, and only able to accept me if I were "perfect". I joined the Army to get away from her, and I'll never move back to my home state, but to this day, almost 20 years later, she refuses to believe or admit that she is the root of the problem. I avoid contact with her because I will not allow her to manipulate or hurt my children in any way similar to the things she has done to me. Her thinking is so confused, she can hurt me with her offhanded comments, and never even notice how offensive she is being. It is really hard to decide how to deal with these type of things, personally, it's a struggle because all I have ever wanted is for her to just be my mom, but I have to learn that it will probably never be possible. These are all reasons why I go to counselling, it's really hard to let go of your mother.

Well, this is just my experience, I don't want to influence you in any way other than to offer some other point of view. I hope this helps.

Thanks everyone for your input. I am trying to read more on this and perhaps start counselling.

The 2 biggest reasons for my hesitation to stop contact are:-
1.That I am very close to my mum's side of the family i.e. my grandpa (her dad) and my aunties (her sisters).

Although I do not believe in some stupid traditional chinese values, they do. And if I cut ties with my mum, she'll make it hell for me when I visit my home country and the rest of the family. Moreover, if I cut ties, my sister will bear the rest of the suffering. And when I say suffering, believe me...it is suffering. My mother once drag me out of bed while I was sleeping by my hair. And I was way into my 20s at that time! The reason was just because I slept late on a Sunday...as good chinese girls do not sleep late!

The 2nd factor is that my mum will threaten to kill herself. She uses this every time I do not do what she wants. The only time I didn't give in to this threat was when I moved overseas. I am still thinking if I can live with the consequences of her killing herself. On one hand, I am thinking that she uses this threat because it works! On the other hand, I am thinking...I am not responsible for her life. She is.

So...I am still pondering...thinking...

Don't let the stigma of counseling turn you off. No one else has to know. I was scared to death when I started, but just the fact that you wrote to us shows that you want to talk about it. Counselors are nothing more than a person trained in listening. They have good ideas on occasion but more than that, they know how to deal with these problems that we don't. Not because we can't deal with these problems but because they are extaordinary problems, and we feel like no one else could understand. She is still manipulating you, learn how to cope with this, there is nothing wrong with that.

I was emotionally and physically abused by my mother in childhood and emotionally abused by her until I cut ties with her in 2005. It is so difficult at times dealing with this. I could no longer allow her to treat me like I was still 6, I could not allow her to do to my children what she used to do to me, I am an adult and I am responsible for myself and my children. My mother is an alcoholic and drug addict. She will not admit she has a problem. She nearly died in 2004 if it weren't for me and my husband. But last time we talked she said I was a bad mother because my son's school couldn't get ahold of me or my husband when my son wet his pants in kindergarten. The school called her and asked her if she could bring him a change of clothes. She lives 10 minutes from my son's school. She wouldn't do it. she called me later that day, told me I was a bad mom and she was going to get custody of my kids. She also started promising my kids she was going to take them here and there and do this and that for them of couse she never followed through. Then she started showing favorites. She treated my son better then my daughter...she must have a problem with females. ANyways, If she is causing you to suffer, it is difficult but for your sanity, you made need to cut ties and explain to the other members of your family why. They may not like it but you have to do what is right for you.

I am wondering ... why does this happen with so many children. My mother still treats me like a 10 yr old. I am a married guy now. It becomes very difficult some times!!!!

I'm so sorry you have such a difficult relationship with your mother.

I don't have any first-hand experience, however I have a book to recommend. It is one that I have heard mentioned many times, especially by women in situations just like yours. It's called Toxic Parents: Overcoming Their Hurtful Legacy and Reclaiming Your Life by Susan Forward. If you look it up on Amazon.com, you'll see it's received many favorable reviews.

Good luck & ((hugs)) as you figure out what's best for you and your family.

~Jen

I'VE CATERED TO MY MOTHER ALMOST MY ENTIRE, excuse me, life. i've spent all my life blaming myself was unable to set boundaries, was most of the time unable to stand up for myself, protect myself, or be assertive. for the first time last christmas, i refused to go to my parents because i was realzing my bother and mother have ganged up on me since i was a teenager. both parents were verbally, emotionally abusive. my father was physically abusive. covert incest has been going on with both parents, i'm pretty sure, nearly my entire life. i've been used, abused, dictated to, steamrolled adnauseum by a lot of people. i worked from 12/1987 until 3/2000 with mainly white
raging, mysogonistic males. my father was like that growing up.
he was always angry at me. nothing i ever did growing up was right. at the v.a. that i worked at i experienced the same, nothing i ever said or did was right. people were only nice to me when they wanted something. otherwise they didn't give damn.
i've been seeing a therapist for about four years. one of the rights states, i'm not responsible for peoples problems financially or otherwise. many people just take, take, take, never say no, and keep on taking. i met a woman about 8 years ago and all she's done is string me along, be self absorbed, make a hell of a lot of empty promises, none she ever did, and she sucked over $7,000 dollars of stuff out of me, denies she took advantage of me and kept on taking and kept on asking and never ever daid no. i finally after 8 years and reading about my rights given to me by my therapist read the one to her that i'm not responsible for her and her grandson, she's responsible for her and her grandson, noone else is.
i've had years of misguided loyalty to my mother and stuff i've been reading i'm finally aT MIDLIFE MAKIiNG THE CONNECTION, excuse me, about manipulative, self centered, abusive, exploitive mothers and women. i'm sick to death of being used by single mothers. other single women i've met have been financially exploited by single mothers and single grandmothers. christ, they had the children, not me. i'm tired of being blamed by other people for what they do and being guilt tripped by people who want to use me. that neighbor tried to force herself on me and last fall tried to guilt trip me into continueing to be financially responsible for her. about the time my neighbor was forcing herself on me , my mother was pushing herself on me and both ripped me apart. i can't take people like either of them, or mysogonstic men anymore. none of these people own me, they are out of line. what is their problem, why the heck aren't they getting a clue?

do any of them have a conscience, common human decency or any kind of ethics at all? what my family of origin has done to me, i've never done to them. what i've been through with other people, for the most part i did not do to others. yes, i made mistakes, but i changed.

i know men or males, many have gone through a lot of [censored] with fathers and often mothers. there are two books out by beverly engel, published in 1990. i just read both recently. she's also published others, about 14-16. steven farmer hasd written a book about adults that were eemotionally, physically, or sexually abused by perents. victoria secunda wrote two books about daughters and abusive fathers and the second is about daughters and abusive mothers no they don't teach hate of mothers. they talk about adult daughters coping with abusive, controlling, overbearing, dictatorial, exploitive parents.
in one of beverly engel's books, she said she cut of from a selfsh abusive mother three years before the book was published. she did it and she writes about adult males and adult women cutting off from parents, who continue to abuse, be selfish, exploitive, controlling, etc.

since i've gone on line i've been reading about a large number of adult babyboomers, and people, older and younger are either cutting off entirely all contact with abusive parents and siblings or keeping a great deal of distance between them and the siblings and parents.

The final straw for me in seperating me from my abusive family has been the hope to raise my own daughter with love and support and to try and protect her from them. I have seen my mother try to do the same things to my daughter that she did too me. Something snapped in me when I saw that.

I am 30 and I had to move back home. The emotional abuse I received as a child has gotten 10 times worse as an adult. As a result, I get those terrible emotional pains in my heart and gross amounts of panic and anxiety. I am moving in 3 months but I don't think I will look back. I also will never allow my children around her. She has taken my self esteem and my confidence. I start a new job in a few days and I am avoicing her negative comments. She is sick. Mentally sick. I plan on seeking counseling to avoid acting this way with my children.

I also grew up with an emotionally abusive mother. To make matters worse, my sister learned very young that if she was to survive, she would have to join forces with my mother. I never understood what was happening to me, and also experienced terrible panic and anxiety. I did end up going to therapy when I entered my 40's. The day I entered therapy is the day my life began.

As a part of my liberation from my mother, I have written a novel about an abusive mother and her spiritually gifted son, called "Dover Graye." Woven in, is an interpretation of why a mother might emotionally sequester herself from her children. If you believe in past lives, or are not sure, and would like to check it out, my novel can be purchased from the eStore and from Amazon.com. It will be available in about 3 weeks.

Shay

i am a 17 year old girl, living with a single mother who is very emotionally abusive. i will be going away to college in the fall time but until then i need help on what to do because i don't want to become like her and i am most happy when i am not around her, but i am only seventeen and cannot afford a place on my own right now. my mother also likes to communicate with people in my family who i am also very close too, telling them horrible things about me and making me look like a bad person, and then when i see these people i feel like they look at me completely different and it makes me feel as though i am alone, when it comes to family. i recently only started to educate myself on this subject because i always thought i was the problem, i was doing something wrong but then there were days where i would do nothing at all wrong and i was being verbally attacked. therefore causing me to defend myself with words, which only caused my mother to slap me across the face, which i found was another sign on someone being an emotionally abusive mother. also read that children who are emotionally abused and verbally abused can become addicts or become depressed, i dont want it to get that far but i feel like i am on the edge of getting there. i drink and i have tried drugs and my mother found out, she told people around us that i was an alcholic and a drug addict, there is no way in hell that those accustions were true. yet, i am extremely hurt by them and i often find myself thinking are these things she are saying true? am i really as bad of person as she is describing me to be? but when i am out with my friends, i only seem to recieve compliments and hear good things or constructive crictism never the words that i've heard many times come out of my mothers mouth. one day i would like to have no communication with my mother, but until that day comes, can anyone help me on ways to deal with life at home?

I'm so sorry to hear what you are going through. Mothers come in all forms. The emotionally abusive mothers sometimes were emotionally abused themselves and have low self-esteem. They feel competitive with their daughters and find ways of bringing them down.

In some cases, the mothers don't mean to be abusive and don't recognize their actions and words as being abusive. They are tying to "mold" their daughters into their idea of a perfect daughter, perhaps trying to get their daughters to live a life they themselves were incapable of achieving.

Sometimes, the mother sees all of her own defects in her daughter and that bothers her. So she attacks them.

Whatever the reason (and there could be many), you should not fall prey to those unhealthy beliefs. You MUST MUST MUST be strong and KNOW YOU ARE NOT THE ONE WITH THE PROBLEM. Keep your self esteem in tact and it will be hard if you've only heard negative feedback throughout your life.

It would be better to bunk with a friend than stay with this abusive person. But, if you must stay...

Try to tap into her good mother side. Open dialogue and apologize for any hurts you may have caused her. Be the little girl again and hug her and tell her you're sorry. A lot of the problem is that mothers have a hard time adjusting to their little girls growing up into their own womanhood. My dad always said it was impossible for two grown women to live under the same roof. That is why teenage girls and their moms begin to have problems. Partly too, it is a way for them to separate more easily when it is time.

But try to rekindle the mother-daughter bond while you're there. If she has any amount of good mothering sense in her, she'll melt.

If this is impossible, keep your head low, do your share of the household chores, if you work buy her little gifts she'll like whether it is her favorite ice cream or perfume or flowers, etc. In other words, kiss her rear so she'll keep off your back!

Do NOT attempt to go head to head with her in arguments. Don't start them and don't get involved in them. Learn the important lesson of biting your tongue.

Then, go to college as a free and healthy person! Remember above all else that YOU define yourself. YOU make yourself into whatever you want. ALL the horrible things she said about you proves how low she thinks of herself and what type of heart she has.

BE YOU AND THRIVE!

JamalAnneMarie

I am sorry to hear about your problem with your mom. Is there a counselor at school you can get advice from? Or some information packets on places to contact to talk to someone about this issue?

You shouldn't try to continue to handle this on your own. If you feel like you just need to make it through this year and summer and then you're on your own in college, then please seek help then. Colleges have counselors too and you certainly can talk there, away from her and try to work some things out on your own and in the future maybe you can work some things out with her.

I am fifteem yearls old. And my life is a complete torture. She puts me down all the time and calls me by all sorts of name: [censored], piece of [censored], she even uses the f word sometimes. I really don't like that. In the end I feel like i am just worthless [censored]. I know I am not but sometimes I just can't do anything except cry in my room. she hates my friends, she doesn't like the way I talk, my clothes, and she snoops around my room to check what I am doing. I am teenager but I am not bad one. I am like one of the sweetest girls , I don't get why she is mad at me all the time. HELP!

I have 2 step children that were in 3rd and 4th grade when I married their father. I have never looked at them as "step" but always as mine. Their mother left them with my husband when they were 2 and 3 years old. She maintained contact once a year because I think she thought she would lose her parental rights if she didn't. Believe me, they were better off without her as I had seen her at work after we married. The first two years she would get them once a year (at Christmas) and tell them she and their father would remarry and they would be a family again. She would tell them to make my life miserable and their dad would divorce me. So in my opinion they were abused by her, but not as much as you all have been. They have both suffered with problems of self worth. The mom had 2 other children after them and kept them. She also had an older daughter that her mother kept. A couple of years ago my son who was 24 at the time finally came to terms with feelings about her. I told him she is your mother and you will always love her, but that doesn't mean you have to like her. It is ok. My heart goes out to you all....and the lady who said her mom kept threatening her that she would kill herself....I think most of the time people that are serious about killing themselves will do it and not tell you. She is just hurting you any way she can. All you should be commended for wanting to be better than what your mother was to you. May God bless you all and put his arms around you. Connie

I have the exact same problem. I notice many Asians, especially Chinese people have such problems. Alot have to do with tradition, respect (so-called), and most of all - filial. My parents, especially my 'mom' haunt me so much that I just want to get away from her. my dad has some part of it and he keeps on telling me to not scream and let myself out. with all the problems my mom has thrown me in (both direct and indirect) and all the [censored] I have to clean up after my mom, who by the way, is only 56 but behave as if she's in her late 70s and that i must be there and help her in everything. i used to just scream and swear like nobody's business. now i try to calm down and keep it to myself and hide in the room when i go home but i can't take it anymore. i can't release and believe it or not, it's been 4 times and earlier in the evening, I had to deal with their email 'threats of me being unfilial' so much so that my heart beat so hard that i suddenly felt my heart just deflate and whole thing just turn to vacuum. Can anyone please help me. I really need help!, I'm in singapore. please. i want to cry but i'm so disturb so much that i feel like i can't breath and can't speak. Philip S.

I can empathize with most everyone who has posted a comment about emotionally abusive mothers. I am from a dysfunctional family -- my mother is the main reason for the dysfunction in our family. She was abused as a child and I really don't think she is capable of having true feelings for another adult... she only wants to be around people that she can control, like children or elderly people. She's very sneaky about how she delivers the abuse... if you try to talk to her about it she'll just tell you that you misunderstood her or are blowing it out of proportion. I'm in my 40's now and I've tried and tried to have a normal relationship with her over the years and what I've finally concluded is that she doesn't really want a normal adult relationship... she's not happy when I'm happy, instead she seems to only get satisfaction when I'm insecure and needy... she never builds me up but instead tries to bring me down. She seems to be jealous of my life which I really can't comprehend because I have a 15-year-old daughter myself. Please tell me how can she love me if she is not happy for me? She is always preaching and talking to me in a condescending way -- about religion or just about her own life philosophies. She discounts most of my opinions and acts like it is work to talk to me. Recently we were having a debate on the telephone about politics and she blurted out "you just think you are so smart, don't you" and hung up on me. My mother never went to college. I was the only one in my family to get a college degree and I did it all on my own. I moved out of her house when I was 18 (to get away from her), worked two jobs to support myself through college. I haven't asked her for anything since. I eventually went on to get a Ph.D. She came to my graduation and said she was "proud of me", but that she was "proud of all of her kids" and hoped that I didn't get the big head. I have been married to the same man for 22 years now and we have a great kid (she's 15 now) and, with the exception of my relationship with my family, I am happy. The most hurtful thing that my mother does is that she doesn't even try to disguise the fact that she prefers my younger sister to me. I believe that it is because my sister is more like her, but it still hurts. My mother will intentionally try to make me jealous of her by talking about her and my nephews all of the time -- it dominates our conversations. My sister knows that she does this but I think she gets some satisfaction from it -- I think that she has a chip on her shoulder about me since she never went to college (she got pregnant in high school). My sister has been sucessful as a hairdresser and has invested her money well -- she has a beautiful house and a condo on the beach. I am very happy for her -- thank goodness! -- I have always wanted success for her. But I am hurt that both she and my mother seem to get some real satisfaction in constantly reminding me that my education doesn't mean much to them. I think I know why they do it... it's some kind of insecurity or something... but it still hurts. How can they love me if they constantly try to make me feel like my opinions are not important? My sister has started taking up some of my mother's tactics... our relationship has become very strained in the past year or so. We used to be close. I feel like I don't have a family at all, but if I don't limit my exposure to them I start feeling really bad about myself. I realize that I might just be too thin skinned, and I do want to show my mother the respect I owe her for giving me life, but I'm not mentally healthy when I am around them too much. And I think my daughter is starting to notice how they treat me... she hasn't said anything to me, but she mentioned it to my husband. It makes me feel bad that she has to see her mother being treated like a stepchild. I'm also afraid that it might "rub off" on her, too -- she might start treating me the same way my mother treats me. Any thoughts?

First of all, let me begin by saying to each of you daughters, that I love all of you! By sharing your stories, you've not only helped yourselves but helped a perfect stranger like me feel "normal"...for maybe the very first time...and I'm 2 months away from my 40th birthday. I'll begin by sharing a few of my experiences and then end with my thoughts on how we can heal. My mother is emotionally abusive. As a child, I never felt connected to her because she never seemed to fully accept me. I spent my entire life doing everything I could to get her to say Hey! Good Job! But that never came. A few of my experiences, that maybe some of you can relate to, are as follows: She isolated me from friends. Abusers ALWAYS isolate, physically or emotionally (never liking anyone you associate with and telling you how bad they are or restricting you from seeing them). In my middle school and high school yearbooks my friends would write "hope to see you this summer if your mom lets you out of the house ever". I couldn't wait to grow up and move out immediately! Which I did... when that happened, I chose a nice apartment that I could afford. She said NO! because black people lived there (she admits her extreme racism by the way). So, her solution was to choose another apartment for me, which I could NOT afford on my own. And would you know I was the only white person in my building? Hmmm. That was her attempt to TIE me back to her financially. Abusers love that kind of control/dependency. It KILLED her that I was surviving without needing her in any way. When it came time to get married, she placed so many "restrictions" on how MY ceremony should go and also treated my inlaws like complete dogs because they had less money than she did. This created so much tension that we CANCELLED THE WEDDING because of her. We eloped and had a celebration with his family only because no one could please her with the ridiculous demands. She demanded that my inlaws send her a written invitation to the wedding ??. So, they did. When she got it, she tore it up and demanded some other odd thing...and another and another. She kept changing the criteria so that we would never meet her expectations. Sadly, I am her only child and she missed my only wedding. STupid if you ask me. I've been accused of being too fat, as she was carrying groceries into my home that she bought which included 6 pies and 4 gallons of ice cream after I insisted that she stop bringing me food. She opened my front door at 5am one day and SCREAMED at the top of her lungs to hang up the phone because she was trying to call and the line was busy... um maybe she could've just walked up the stairs and struck up a conversation that way?? Yea. I've been accused of being too skinny. And not to expose myself too much because I might attract too many men. I've been accused of not being a good mom because I work and I'm not with my son all of the time. In addition, I've also been accused of not being a good money-maker because I stayed home with my son while he was young. I've been accused of being too harsh with the discipline of my son... which she told me immediately after she picked up some dog poop and shoved it in my 7 year old son's face and screamed at him to eat it. Per my mother, I'm too fat, too skinny, too dumb, too smart, too rich, too poor... But, the truth is Is that she is a miserable black hole inside and until she sees herself the way God sees her, she will die being miserable. She cannot live with ANYONE because she cannot live with HERSELF. Another trait of abusers...they hate animals. And, she hates my 3 pound chihuahua. It's sad she takes out her frustrations on a THREE POUND DOG. Disgusts me. I had to move my dog to my friends house to save his life. She never says she's sorry. She never sees what she does is wrong. She tells me I'm making things up. The only way to fight back IS TO EXPOSE HER. When she is acting odd, I immediately call someone and keep them on the line as a witness. Also, when she KNOWS that someone else knows, she can stop her behavior. Which is an indicator that she is in perfect control and not psycho. This forum is great. Thanks for reading. I'll be sure to add more. Girls/Ladies... you're not crazy and you are so wonderful and beautiful and smart! Don't let your retarded mom who uses her tongue to cut you down affect you anymore. IT'S NOT YOU.

Hi there, I am coming to the same conclusion as you. I think my mother has emotionally abused me since my teens. She is very generous with giving presents etc, but there is virtally no emotional support at all and she asked me to get out at the age of 17 after arguing with my pregnant younger sister. To this day she denies throwing me out, but at a tender age of 17 I was told by both my parents I would amount to nothing and end up alone - yet my younger sister was 14 and pregnant! I was acused of breaking & entering and stealing (and I had my house key to get in and only took my clothes).I was always a shy person but do not put up with being mistreated by anyone and my honesty and this is what seems to get me into trouble. I haven't done anything wrong except stand up for what I believe in. I have come to the conclusion that I will speak to them but only on a superficial level. The relationship won't be close. My niece, who my pregant 14 year old sister threw out when this daughter was 17 has come to the same conclusion! She's also a quiet dainty lovely girl. The mum favours the older daughter (as does my mother with my older sister),so history has repeated itself here! We have decided to be civilised to our mothers, but that's it! The relationship has to have [b]your boundaries set [/b]in order for this person to stop hurting you. I am 46 years old and still not being respected by both my parents. I refused to go to my brothers wedding because he univited my husband (over my husband complaining his son not being invited). Now my parents think I am 50% wrong! Ha, what a load of rubbish. You quite simply do not uninvite husbands to family weddings!

Yep, cut ties. Don't allow others to hurt you anymore. It's their [censored] not yours! I'm 46 and still battling with both my parents! Go for it. If you do decided to stay in touch, keep it superficial and not too frequent. Be civilised but don't let her abuse you anymore. I have posted an earlier post, so I won't re-write it but have a read and you will see what I mean. Best wishes.

Ahh. When you said very generous with giving presents...I can completely relate. My mom is generous with money and presents and usually offers something materialistic after one of her meltdowns. A peace offering I suppose...with a hidden agenda. I would much prefer the acknowledgement of the abusive comments and apology though. She mentioned the other day that she hasn't liked me for over 20 years. Wow. I'm sure if I said the same to her she would go nuts. Basically, there are so many things she's said that have pierced my soul that I couldn't possibly mention them all. But, I have learned to accept that I will never please her - regardless. The only one I need to please is the man upstairs. That in itself, has freed me! I am happy to be me!

Hello All, I know some of these are pretty old posts but i feel as if i want to share my own stories. I feel as though my mother is one of those types that is emotionally abusive and has been towards me for as long as i can recall. My mother and I have never gotten along we just are two very different people. From when i was small child the first instance was i remember telling her of a dream i had where she was a witch chasing me, and she said you can't dream that! It's not nice. I thought to myself i can't control my dreams. As i was growing up we drifted further apart, I recall one time sitting in my room writing in my diary, she came in and asked me what i was doing and I told her, to which she responded "you have psycological problems" and walked out without saying anything more or discussing anything more. Then i told her i wanted to go shopping with one of my dad's female friends (dad was paying for my new clothes) and she cried and cried about it. I still do not understand why but i remember not going. Anyways as i was growing up we moved houses, in our new house one time i found my mum in her closet crying and crying saying she wanted to kill herself and her life was terrible. Then she accused me of being emotionally manipulative (as a young teenager probably 14 or so i never understood what this meant) Then i myself became terribly depressed and tried to kill myself. When i came out of the hospital instead of my mum asking me what was happening in my life or what was going on she said to me if i ever do that again she is going to put me in mental hospital and leave me there, then i was upset about that obviously and her mum was there and she said to my mum "just ignore her" meaning just ignore me because i am acting bratty. Then we drifted further apart.... After her mother died she started to pace around the house and cry and pace it was terrifying to watch and she refused to talk about it even when i wanted to try and comfort her. Then at a later stage of myself i lost my job which made me depressed and i was unemployed for six months, to which my mum said to me one day i am too fat and ugly to get a job and no one would hire me. Then in that same period of me being unemployed she wanted to start a conversation with me about god (she is a catholic and i am not and i hate talking about religion because it always ends up in arguments). Anyway i cannot recall the complete conversaion but i said something like "if something like that ever happend i would kill myself" ( I cannot recall the reason of my saying that) So her responce was well maybe you should just kill yourself then. to which i was very upset with, she could not understand why i was upset and even denyed saying that she said that, she said i was crazy and i had mental problems and i need help, and that I am a liar. Until i persisted and stood my ground with her then she said well if i said something like that I did not mean it that way to her then somehow turning it around to make her the victim of something terrible that i said when my brother came home, and started crying to him saying i am so awful to her... My head was spinning from her telling me to kill myself, her denying it then turning it around as if it were my fault then telling my brother i said something terrible to her, so i promptly told my brother what she said to me then she started to cry more saying as if she could ever mean anything like that! So then i distanced myself more from her. I wouldn't say i turned to drugs, i just used my computer (the internet) as a way to escape her and keep away from her. Then a few years ago i came home to find her crying, i went to ask her what was wrong and she would not speak to me, finally i got her to speak to me, and after a while she shut down and didn't want to talk anymore she said talking to me makes her nervous and she hates talking to me (i did not say i feel the same way even though i do). So i went to leave her alone then and she screamed at me as to why i left her, she said she was on the edge and i just left her high and dry. I asked her what she wanted from me since she hates talking to me and she shut down and didn't want to talk anymore. I feel i am the only one out of my siblings to pay any attention to her when she is feeling upset and it really frustrates me as they just live their own lives away from her, even though we all live in the same house. A while ago also she told me she wanted to die and she would be better off being dead, i told my brother i was scared she might harm herself, my brother went to speak to her and she accused me of talking beind her back and making stuff up! I asked her what she would do if one of us told her that we would be better off dead and how she would feel? Now i think she knows i see through most of her games, that is why i feel she said i make her nervous when we do manage to talk. Now she just carries on about god, and it really irritates me to no end because i am not a believer and i do not try and push my non belief on her but she does not have the same boundries and actually called me dumb for not believing in god. So now she goes around my room and put little holy pictures under my mattress or sticks medallions to the frame of my door. I told her it irritates me but she says she doesn't care how i feel and never cared about how i feel, and it is her house and she will do what she likes. Also another thing which really got me worried is about her belief that she was cursed at a young age by someone using black magic on her and that is why she has never been happy in life and is depressed now. So she goes to church and prays and encourages her family to pray for her to remove the "curse" instead of seeking professional help. The thing that really upsets me about this is they encourge her as they are all catholic, one of them called her up and told her they had a dream a demon was laughing at them for praying to god to lift the curse. Which made them beleive it more. And i am struggeling to cope with this and i don't know how to help someone that doesn't want help. There is obviously more but i will keep them to myself. Anyways sorry for the big post but it is cathartic in a way to get these things off my chest, and i am heart broken to read all of the other posts, i wish there was a better resource for people dealing with emotionally abusive parents (it is just as damaging as physcial and sexual abuse). V

Ladies - WOW! Thanks for sharing your stories. To the original poster - if sounds like you know the right thing to do is cut her out of your life, to offer yourself a chance to enjoy your life in a new country. Stop taking calls from her. It's hard, but you need to protect your health and well-being. Adopt a surrogate "mother" in your new country, someone about your mom's age who's in your life, and who's interested in your happiness, and eat lunch with her once a week. If your biological mom isn't healthy enough to be part of your life then share your life, your love and your gifts with someone else. My family is very abusive, both verbally and physically, and I find great strength and comfort in my "urban family," a group of friends and colleagues who support and love me.

I stumbled onto this forum after Googling "abusive mothers" for some insight into my situation. Wow! I never knew there were so many heartless mothers out there. I'm 48 and though I just realized my mother is indeed abusive I now see how her behavior has affected my entire life. For starters, she married my step-dad when I was 4 (my parents divorced when I was 2) and spent my entire childhood trying to pass me off as my step-dad's kid (had him adopt me when my dad moved to the midwest, erased my real last name from all my baby books, etc., and when I would tell people I was in their wedding she would quickly tell them I had a vivid imagination and was making it up). Won't bother you with all the years between now and then but let's just say that a leopard doesn't change its spots. As a result of my childhood, I've always been an overachiever who tries to prove myself in my career, etc., and I've held many glamorous jobs and won awards for my work. I was recently laid off due to no fault of my own from a very well paid position in publishing. She convinced me to move in with her until I get back on my feet. What a mistake! We've been here barely a month and she's already thrown up my job loss (said it was my fault), my divorce, told my 10-year-old daughter that she is going to rent out her room if she doesn't keep it clean and that she has no right to tear up her house simply because "your mother lost yours" (my house is in pre-foreclosure and I'm trying to save it). My daughter is so terrorized that she is afraid to eat. She also berates my older daughter who is pregnant and has bipolar disorder and cannot take her meds by telling her she should be "spayed" after she has this child. I give my mother money but it's never enough. I was feeling positive before I moved in with her and my step-dad, who has early Alzheimer's, but now I feel broken because she is chipping away at my self-esteem on a daily basis. We do nothing right in her eyes. She even inspects our bedrooms and bathroom to make sure they meet her expectations. She calls herself a Christian and yet she has absolutely no compassion whatsoever for people in their time of need. In fact, she seems to get a kick out of "kicking" me when I'm down. I am devastated. My main goal is to get enough money together to move back to my house in another state or take a job elsewhere and move on. We can't stay with her, that's for sure. What would make her treat us this way? Sorry for the long posting...just needed to vent.

JamalAnneMarie- When I read your post it's as if I'm the one that is writting. I lived with an emotionally abusive mother for years, not realizing until much later that it was in fact abuse. It hasn't been until recently that I have heard from her again because of my brother who is experiencing the same form of abuse and is now is in foster care trying to get away from her. The abuse got worse as I grew older and so I went into survival mode. You're so lucky that you're going away to school. I never had that "out". Most recently I decided to do some research on emotional abuse and I have been flawed by what I have read. It's as if everything that I experienced is finally validated. I'm not the "bad daughter", it really wasn't me!!! I quickly learned that the "silent treatment" was the best state to be in with her since I didn't have to hear her consant belittling, etc. She would constatnly be on the phone telling my grandmother how horrible I was, putting me down, making me look like the reason for the trouble. I could never please her, she never (and till this day) doesn't take blame and denies everything. My best advice, just keep the peace until you leave for college. Just do the things that please her. Bide your time, even though it's killing you inside. You're already smarter bc you know that you being abused...I never did. I hope this helps! :) Hang in there!

Hi, it was interesting to read your post, because I am about your age and can recognize things you describe from experience. It is not unfamiliar that trying to explain, over&over again, goes nowhere. I think that a child should not be supposed to fill the hole in a parent`s life. + that it can`t. It`s very hard to be dealing with own challenges, not get enough support, get abuse, get that abuse denyed, be blamed, and try to manage the challenges one has to manage. Or to be overwhelmed by too huge expectations in terms of solving problems one can absolutely not fix. I think that it`s always wise to seek a counsellor and work on the issues, so that one oneself wont be prone to repeat that type of behaviour. It`s a very hard thing to do to let it sink in that a mother can harm her children, even though she wont see that herself, and that she refuses to take responsibility and continues to be harsh, difficult, unsupportive and blackmailing. It`s surely not how it is supposed to be. Life can be unfair. I am sure one time in the future that too will be a crime and such mothers will be taken care of. Nowadays it`s a very "vague" type of behaviour, they get away with the abuse, even though there are many such mothers and it`s a very serious problem in reality. Paradoxically such mothers can be one of the last persons one should try to be understood by, because they often deny everything and abuse even more to get away from the responsibility. In other words one gets abused and then brainwashed by that person not to take it seriously and to feel guilt. It`s sad, to say mildly.

I have a very emotionally abusive mother. She is a very demeaning woman. A few years ago my twin sister was diagnosed with depression and did a few crazy things and ended up in jail for a while. Since that time my mother has become very abusive towards me as well, saying that she never wanted my sister and I, that we were a mistake and that she no longer wants to be our mother. I have 2 older sisters whom she worships the ground they walk on. I dont know what i've done, she has related what my twin has done to me somehow am successful, i have 2 jobs, 2 great kids and relationship of 18 years and still everything i do she degrades. I am 43 years old i need to break free of her but dont know if i have the strength or the courage to do so. but i know it needs to be done. It is affecting my life greatly, I am in so much pain..HELP>

It is great to read so much stuff on daughters by other people and to actually feel understood. I have very good and supportive friends but not yet met one who really understands my numerous issues with my I mother.It has only been a therapist who once told me my mother was a narcissist and had a personality disorder and that a relationship with her was very destructive for me. I cut her off for a while and then she admitted to being an alcoholic. I really thought that this would bring about a fresh start for us but I am now discovering that despite her improvement and not drinking, the personality disorder and narcissism is the same and so are our issues. I will be leaving my country in a few months and we are currently not speaking so I am considering cutting her off again. Thankfully after a few years of therapy, meditation and self help I am much more functional and in control of my emotions. My heart goes out to the people writing the above posts as I can really appreciate the pain,anger and frustration caused by an emotionally abusive mother and how difficult it is to cut off completely and understand one's own feelings and actually get there and liberate oneself.I have recently distanced myself from my brother too as he seems to act in similar ways at times and I am happy with that.Thanks also for the book suggestions, I will check them out.

It's amazing to know that I am not the only one having to deal with this. My mother has been emotionally abusive ever since her and my father got a divorce. I was 9, 21 now. I feel like I have almost been robbed of my adolescence because of what I have had to go through. I feel like my personality has been altered. To her, I can do nothing right. Whenever there is an opportunity to fight and tear me down, she takes it. But I never hear one word of praise or support. It hurts so much, because I still live with her and have to go through this everyday. It's so draining emotionally to the point where I just have to break down and cry. Her own family knows of the way she is, they think that she is miserable, but I know they can never see the full extent of her. She never admits to the way she is, she is completely oblivious. Sometimes I think that she is just so gone that she doesn't even know how she is acting, which is so frustrating in itself. She never apologizes. I feel like I am trapped in this prison of a house. I feel like there is nothing I can do. She has this way of turning her rage on and off with a flick of a switch. One minute she will be screaming in my face, the next minute the doorbell will ring with my boyfriend outside and she will become this friendly outgoing person. It makes me want to scream. I feel like even if I try to do something, no one will believe me because they will be talking to this nice, friendly person. My boyfriend has no idea what I am talking about when I try to tell him how bad she is. All he sees is one side of her. I can't take it anymore. For so long I have told myself that it is no big deal, because I see the way that other people love my mother, I tell myself that I am just overreacting. But I feel no love in this house. I don't feel like I am loved in this house at all. And I know that is not the way that you should feel when you are home. I know that I don't deserve to live this way, I just don't know what else there is to do. Lately I've learned to shut her out, I can literally choose not to hear her when she tries to speak to me. I've learned to be able to cope with her more and I know that what she is saying has nothing to do with me, and that it is just a product of her misery. But its just hard when it is a constant part of your life.

Everyday I think of ways to kill myself. I hate my mother and at 23 i can now honestly admit that. I was raised in a big family home by my mother. My father supported me on and off in my teenage years but he was never physically or emotionally available to me. My mother is very controlling and demanding. She and her elder sister raised me, we were poor and had to struggle alot but the two of them often with held things from me because they though it was useless or that i did not deserve it. Eg, I could not go out with my friends as a teenager, because I had no clothes to wear, my mom would nto buy me clothes and she also thought going out was stupid and that I would get into trouble. The few times i was ever allowed to go out with friends I had to be the one to organize everything. I had to pay for a cab to take all of us and pay for a cab to bring us back. I was also held responsible by my friends parents for their behaviour and whatever they did while we were out together. Now that I am 23 i still live at home and unfortunately my fiance has had to move in with me because his mom kicked him out and we both had nowhere else to go. His mom emotioanlly and physically abused him as a child growing up and withheld monetary support of his education. So he left school with no certification. My mother and aunt dominate us, insult us and belittle us constantly. As a teenager they expected perfection from me. They expected maturity. It was always some comment about how i am mature and not stupid liek other girls my age. Or some comment about "your not stupid you won't go and make the mistakes the other girls make, you are smart you won't get pregnant." They held me above others and they would constantly criticise other teenage girls around me to the point that i was afriad to let them know that i was going through the same things all the other girls were going through. I was raped when i was 15 and the most my mom did was threaten the boy and told me i was stupid for hanging out with him in the first place. She has never spoken to me about how i feel. Last summer i got pregnant by my fiance and my mom curse me, she told me i was fat and stupid and ignorant and that my fiance does not love me and that I should have an abortion. That she was dissapointed in me and that I will never learn. At 4 months i miscarried due to all the stress I was livign through. I became even more depressed and I was diagnosed as depressed by a psychiatris. My mom says i'm lazy and that eventhough i am depressed I should get up and do the stuff i need to do. She and my aunt have bullied me my whole life, withholding money, and love and emotional support from me. My mom forces herself on me by not allowing me ot do things for myself. Whatever i do is never good enough and she needs to fix it. She would wash my clothes, press my clothes etc and she wants to dictace what i eat, if i can go into the refridgerator, if i can use the stove etc. She wants to dictate when i have sex with my fiance or if i should have sex with my fiance. She tells me where i can and cannot work. She will nagg me until i leave a job if she does not want me ot work at the particular place. She is unforgiving, and says that i do not love her and that i am ungrateful and thta i am lucky that she loves me. I am a university student. I have been at university for 3 years and i have not even completed my first year yet. I have been depressed for years, unable to consentrate, unable to function. All i want to do is cry. I am trapped my fiance is poor, I am poor, we are trapped and everyday i cry because it feels like I can do nothing right. I am sorry i worte so long, it is just that seeing this forum is the first time besides talking to the psychiatrist or my fiance that i have been able to say what i feel.

Hi BabyJoy,

I am sorry that you are having difficulties. I hope that you can find some help. I'm glad you have someone to talk to.

I know we are in hard economic times but if you or your fianc�e have any resources you should really separate yourselves from the situation. You have to find another place to live so you can start building yourself back up.

I hope that things look up for you and that your psychiatrist knows your feelings. Please be honest with them about thinking about suicide.

I have somewhat of a different story. As far back as my memory serves, my mother shared everything with me. My father and mother always had difficulties in their marriage. I know this because my mother always told me. She would dictate every single detail of their fights and their arguments. Often they were about how to deal with my younger brother and me. Other times they were about financial and communication issues. She would always tell me these things. She'd come to me a mess. Tears would be streaming down her face and she would often be sobbing. This started when I was young, probably nine or ten. I found out when I was eleven that my dad frequented strip clubs. These were things not appropriate to tell an eleven year old. I was always expected to listen to these issues she had. At the time she had me convinced that my father was a monster for doing all these horrible things to her. Yes, infidelity and forms of adultery are wrong, but they should bear no meaning on what sort of father he was. My Dad has always been very attentive and unlike my mother, he never discussed his issues with my mother because he realized that it was seperate like any good parent would. The worst part about it was she would ask my advice. I would feel guilty if I didn't know what to tell her. But looking back, I see how ridiculous it was. I was a child. She expected me to be her friend and confidant. She came to me for relationship advice about my father! The more I think about it, the angrier I get. I never got to have a mother. Whenever I had a problem and came to her for advice she would simply state "I don't know." She never had any advice for me.Though she always expected it of course. She and my Father divorced about two years ago. I was nineteen at the time. I stayed at a community college and lived with her and my brother becasue I felt my mother would not make it without me. She would ball and sob each day after work. She would as usual ask me questions regarding life and what I think she should do with hers. She would complain each day about how lonely she was and how I just don't understand how hard life is for her. The crazy thing is I found myself always asking what I was doing wrong and why she wasn't content with being me and my brother's mother. Shortly after divorcing my father she met my step father. he's anice man, but not three weeks after she met him she decided she would quit her job and move with him. My brother and I were simply out of luck. I felt so betrayed and angered. I had a full time job all the time I lived with her during college so i didn't rely on her for money but I still felt abandoned. Luckily my Grandmother being the sweet woman she is took my brother in and he now is getting maternal love he deserves. I tried to provide that for him but i'm just his sister. He knows I love him and alwasy will. My mother had convinced my brother, like she did me that because my father and her had divorced, that he wanted nothing to do with my brother, as a result my brother has refused to talk to my father for two years now. despite the many attempts my father has mad eto have a relationship with him. I live on campus at college now and I've had a lot of time to reflect. I can't believe how much of my young adlut life I just let her abuse me. I feel stupid for feeling so responsible for her. ANd now she calls me and tired to talk about her relationship with my stepdad. She has gotten irate with me and hung up when I refuse to listen to it. I have tried to confrot her about how she has always relied on me way to heavily and how I wish she would let me be the daughter for a change. She plays the martyr card and is so mellodramatic. She states "well i guess i'm just a horrible mother! I ruined your childhood." She dismisses this sarcastically like it's not a big deal, the things she's put me through. I don't understand how a mother could be so self involved. Mothers are supposed to be nurtuing and encouraging. Even as far as my education goes she has to compare her own experiences in life to mine. I can't ever just speak. She alwasy has to lasso the conversation back to where it's about herself. I'm happy now though. I see that she was wrong and I believe, I don't know if there are different opinions but I beleive this was abuse. UGh I'm just glad I live on my own now and my brother's away from it. Hopefully we'll turn out funcitonal . I know one thing, I will treat my children with age appropreateness and I will never share privat issues of my marriage with them. That should be none of their concern. My job is to always put them first. I promise to do so.

Oh I'm so happy to have found this forum. My mother also falls among the definition of emotionally abusive. I knew at 12 or 13 that something was "wrong," but I caught the brunt of it so my brothers didn't realize what was happening. They just chose to stay out of her way when she went on a tirade. I can recall being 6 and her forcing me to take piano lessons because I had said I wanted to, but after a year, when the teacher pushed me too hard, I wanted to quit. My mother to this day won't let me forget it that I'm a quitter. I'm now 37. As a child, when she would fight with one of us - it was a fight with all of us. Usually she would argue with my dad, then she wouldn't talk for 3 days to any of us. My brothers and I never understood what we did wrong, but she included us in her anger. She wouldn't cook for us, or wake us up for school, she would force my dad to do it all when he worked like a dog to keep her in her fur coats, she was supposed to be the stay at home mom. Well, that was what she decided. My dad always wanted her to work. She NEEDED to work. She needed to have something else in her life, but she was too lazy and too much of a martyr. When I was a teenager she constantly told me that the boys who liked me only liked me because my father was a "lawyer" and they thought we had money. When we would shop for clothes and she was in the dressing room with me, she would pull at the fabric as if I was a size 20 trying to get into a size 4, and act like there wasn't enough fabric to stretch across my fat body to zip up. Truth was, I was 5'3 in high school and 110 lbs. Last time I checked, that wasn't fat. She has dismissed everything good that has ever happened to me in my life, and told me that I can do better, and that what I'm so "happy" about just isn't enough. When I pitched an article to a bunch of magazines and Glamour Magazine responded with interest, I told my mother. She said, "Oh, that's not going to be easy. You have to interview people..." She trailed off talking about how "hard" it was going to be, and implied I was too stupid to figure out how to craft an article when I'm a writer who many people have followed the online work of for years. She then said I should write for the New York Times - so apparently I'm too stupid for Glamour, but now in the same conversation Glamour isn't good enough for her. Considering this was my first attempt into print media, and freaking GLAMOUR responded, I would say I'm doing pretty well. Now I'm engaged and the wedding planning has commenced. My fiancee and I are doing all of it, but my mother, who said she wouldn't even be coming to the wedding, has slowly conceded to help. We thought if she was mildly involved that she would turn around her sourpuss attitude and show up. But she couldn't resist insulting everything from my ring, where my fiancee bought it, the stone and setting that's "out of style" and that he paid too much for it - even though she doesn't know what he paid, she only knows where he got it from. My fiancee is also (not surprisingly) not good enough because he was married before. She is demanding we get a prenup and that we tell her all the details of our finances so she and my father can prepare this and protect their precious inheritance money. Apparently no one, including my fiancee, has ever loved me for me. They all are after my "money" that they think I have because my parents live in a rich town. She insults every single thing about me and I'm sick of it. I'm just waiting for her to not show up at this wedding. I already have my "goodbye forever" letter in my head. She didn't go to my brothers wedding because he didn't kiss her a** enough, and she'll miss mine too. My therapist said she is so far beyond a narcissist and so angry that no amount of therapy could help her. My father almost died on two separate occasions and she made both of those occasions about her, from one end to the other. He was almost dead and she was at a bar bitching that he was going to be the death of her. If you're a teenager and reading this, I'm sorry to say that the odds are that it won't get better with your mom. The best you can do is cut your losses as soon as possible and get out from her clutches. Check out a book called "Will I Ever Be Good Enough: Healing the Daughters of Narcissistic Mothers." by Karyl McBride. It's the best there is out there, but the things my mother does still trump the worst of what is in that book.

It's so incredible and so healing to find this site and to read all of your stories, ladies. Goddess bless you and the broken roads you've all traveled. You are so beautiful and so strong. I'm 24 and I feel so much like so many of you. I've done so much reading on Borderline Personality, Passive-Aggressive Disorder and emotional abuse and I'm not sure where my mother fits except an emphatic "all of the above!" My childhood was much the same as so many of yours; the constant fights with family members, slowly driving each away. First my father, then my brother and now me. The non-interest / neglect and otherwise just belittling. Now as an adult (I still live with her since I cannot afford a place of my own yet) it still continues to this day. If anything, it has gotten worse. I have battled hard to achieve my education and I've never given up on it for more than a few months at a time. I dropped out when I was 13 and now I'm 24 and set to graduate. I never took the easy way and went for lesser courses or graduation programs or tried to fast-track myself. But even eleven years later she still picks at me for dropping out. Any college course I've shown interest in, she's belittled me for. That I wasn't smart enough or good enough at one of the pre-reqs for or that it would simply be too difficult; afterall I'm just a lousy dropout. Then she belittles me for not graduating (yet) and being in college. It's impossible to please her or get her to say anything positive, even if I come back with A Grades. I'm a mother myself now and her favorite thing to do is to pick at my parenting skills. She's told me several times that I'm a bad mother, that I'm a selfish mother, that I'm doing what's convenient for me instead of what's best for my son. Then she'll turn around and say "You know I think you're a good mother." when I call her out on her attacks. It's entirely frustrating since I was adopted at 3 and she's never been pregnant, birthed, breastfed or dealt with newborns at all herself - but feels that she has every right to criticize and judge me on all of the above. My son is 5.5 and is far healthier and happier than I was at his age or any age. Of course she takes credit for that too, even though we can go days without even speaking to her. She picks at everyone around me and her; her friends for having crisis and not noticing her new outfit or haircut (seriously). My son's father for not working (he's taken a couple years off work after the death of both his parents), for not finishing something he mentioned to her, even being sick gets those same little digs and passive-aggressive demeaning tongue-clicks. Even my online friends get the same judgments. Holidays are beyond miserable. Regardless of which one it is, everyone has always gotten too much stuff and there's always side-comments to that effect. Any time I buy my son anything, she has to ask how expensive it was and then make it about her and how I owe her money for something or other - even if I've just given her $300 the previous week. But if she buys him a $2 book we're supposed to bow down in awe of her supreme generosity, of course. I've been in therapy since I was around 13 because I believed something was wrong with me, that it was my fault somehow and if I could only do better or work harder or graduate that she might be proud of me, love me, encourage me. And certainly she encouraged my belief that it was me. I even tried several mediation sessions between her and my therapist which ended up with me having to leave the room in tears because she cannot even admit that she's wrong with a therapist there, she somehow managed to even convince my therapist that I was the problem and have her gang up on me - TWICE! Now I realize that the problem was never me. I'm not perfect and I have made mistakes, but I'm also awesome and work hard and am a wonderful mother and a pretty amazing person. The problem is HER and for some reason even though she's had a good life and done essentially everything she's wanted to do and still continues to do mostly everything she wants to do, she's miserable.

You can walk away from boy friends.. husbands.. you can even find the strength to draw a line of boundery with your children.. all of these FAR easier than ever finding the inner will to survive a toxic mother daughter relationship. I'm 51 now.. and it's taken me ten years from the time I chose to put distance between me and my mother. Ironically didnt happen until we lived about a mile apart. And if I ever become a whole person apart from her, able to see her for who she is completely, it will have been the biggest accomplishment in my life. ONLY then, if that ever does happen, can I even HOPE to have a whole relationship with anyone else in my life. I've been married for 25 yrs to a guy who I would swear is her equal.. Point is, I will never live long enough to have my life with out the effects of that first most profound relationship with anyone you can have. If you have a toxic mother, the BEST you will ever get is help for YOU. It's so hard and most of the time impossible to ever break free of that, because they are the very formation of your life. It's harder still, to get to that point of understanding.. and yet understand MORE; that YOU will have to grow up emotionally BEYOND them. You will actually have to "get older than they are'. hard bridge to gap. The hardest! SO VITAL to your mental well being. Because with out doing that.. you will be stuck FOREVER in never being able to be WHOLE YOUR SELF. You just have to find a way to move past the blame, because even though you are so very rightly entitled to it, it will harm you if you stay there. They ARE WHAT THEY ARE. But YOU can be what you deserved from her. GOD BLESS YOU AND ME BOTH!

Your mom reminds me so much of the mother of a friend of mine. Nothing that this girl seemed to do could make her mother happy or satisfied.

If she was at home she wanted her gone or badgered her enough that she got the feeling she wanted her out of the house. But then if she left her mother would blow her phone up calling and leaving alternately whining, crying and cursing messages to guilt her into returning home.


Long story short, the mom got cancer and my friend realy struggled over whether she wanted to be there for her or spare herself more misery. Her therapist advised her to be with her as much as possible but to calmly leave when or if any mind games or verbal abuse started up.

Amazingly,before she died my friend's mom apologized for her actions and seemed genuinely sorry for how she had behaved. This seemed to have a comforting effect on my friend and enabled her to make peace with her situation.

I can't imagine what made this woman treat her daughter so badly for so many years when she obviously was aware at how hurtful and wrong it was!

At the end she simply said she had made some bad choices and had taken the wrong path.

I wonder if something in people's background make them angry at the world or if they are just so miserable in their own skin that they want to pass it around?

I'm so happy to have found this forum with so many people who suffer from the same affliction. I am engaged to be married to a wonderful man---my best friend, in fact. We are blessed to truly know and appreciate one another. However, the relationship he has with his parents---and the one I have have with them---is toxic, damaging, and seemingly irreparable. I met his parents 5 years ago on a trip to CA. He and I were traveling around the country for the first time together and thought it would be special to visit his parents. Upon my first impression, I had an unnerving feeling that they were "too nice," or in other words, their hyper-niceness felt fake and even off to me. I decided to keep trying to get to know them and give the relationship a chance. A few hours later, his mother was getting upset speaking with her husband about their living situation, and I could tell the discussion was getting more and more heated because I was hearing her raise her voice. Then my fiance got pulled into the discussion, and before I knew it, I heard her screaming full-blast at her husband and my fiance, calling both of them names and even insulting ME, who she had just met. To give you an idea of what she is like when she goes off, imagine a rabid dog foaming at the mouth with rage. Disrespectful? Yes. But I have never seen anything like it, and that is the closest approximation I can think of. I come from a family that has it's issues, but nothing like my fiance's family. She has been having rages like this a few times a year (at the least) for his entire life. Since I have known her (5 years), it's averaged out to be roughly one blow-up per year. And the past 4 times have been directed at me---how horrible I am, how stupid I am, how trashy I am, how f*cked up my family is, the list goes one. She is extremely hurtful and then expects me to forgive her---with all my heart. I did this the first few times, which was hard enough, as I have never been hurt so violently by someone in my life. I forgave her anyway and reopened my heart to her. Then the third time happened, then the fourth, and a few days ago, the fifth. Here's what I know: I know that these incidents are not about me or what she's screaming at me. I know they are about her own unhappiness in life, and that she looks for the nearest person to throw her misery on so that her problems appear external when in fact they are all internal. I am tired of this cycle and I don't see an end to it. Her husband enables her and their lives have suffered immensely from her behavior: they have no friends, rarely speak to family, have moved from rental home to rental home (averaging 2 moves/year for the past 20 years because she cannot stay happy in one home/fights with the landlord), and has lost all interest in social activities and exercise. Their financial life is a nightmare also, and many times the husband has come to my fiance and I, in private so as not to upset his mother, and asked for money to pay their bills---despite knowing that we are a young couple just starting out and can't afford to keep bailing him out. Thank God that my fiance has a strong head on his shoulders and knows how to deal with his parents. He takes the best and leaves the rest. However, the cycle always repeats itself, and although we don't communicate with them for months at a time after a blow-up, eventually they want to talk it out and we forgive them with the condition that they cannot behave like that again.But like clockwork, she explodes again and more damage is done. Unfortunately, I don't have a lot of faith that people their age with such strong habits can change. They are both in their mid-sixties. I feel like this time, instead of just not talking to them for 3 months and then forgiving them, that we need to require both of them to get help (counseling) before we reestablish communication with them again. They need to learn that they cannot behave like that, that just because it is "real" emotion does not mean that it is healthy, that our finances are NOT united but are distinct and separate, and that they cannot abuse us anymore and expect us to be there for them when they need a $6,000 check for moving expenses (yet again). Anything else I'm missing? I think those requirements---especially the "getting help" component---are key. Any additional suggestions any of you may have from experience would be most appreciated.

Wow. I'm so sorry for your suffering, and at the same time it's so good to know people like you are out there---I'm not the only one sort of feeling. I think all you can do is walk away---compassionately. True compassion isn't about being the nicest, most forgiving woman on the block, it's about doing what is truly right for the other person. In this case, as in many of the cases in this forum, your mother is a deeply wounded person. It is not your responsibility to fix her or "be there" for her. She needs to look inward and find these things for herself. It is your job to love her enough to love yourself---protect yourself from her. You are right---cutting ties with her may be the right thing to do. We teach people in our lives how to treat us. If she's hurting you, walk away and don't allow communication until she has proven to you that she's actively getting help for her issues. Until then, tell her you love her but it's not safe for you to be near her. She is toxic to herself, also. I just posted something on page 5 of this forum for the first time---my own experience with my mother-in-law-to-be, and I think it's high time I take a little of my own advice. I will not allow communication until I know she is actively seeking help. Until then, it's very likely the abusive cycle will continue, and the despair and bitterness will only ripen.

I've only recently identified that I am being emotionally manipulated by my mother. She does and says whatever she wants all under the umbrella of "help." Then she screams that no one respects her. I'm a 36 year old woman with two beautiful children. I am married to a man that can only be described as "eccentric." My mother is 64 years old and is married to the same man for over 40 years. She hates him. Always has as long as I can remember. As little as 6 years old, I can remember trips to the beach being canceled because the car wasnt packed right. She'd punch him in front of me and ask me to take her side. He is still there, taking her hatred like he deserves it. It's awful. My mother will go weeks without speaking to me or my sister for such sins as "I don't like your son's hair and you're being disrespectful for not cutting it" to "I sat home and did nothing on Memorial Day while you and your family had fun." She is constantly telling me she's not needed and how I hurt her by keeping her away, but when she is here she does nothing but bark orders IN MY HOUSE or ask me a million different questions all with the air of judgment and criticism. She is lonely and has no hobbies. She never worked and doesnt have alot of friends. She says she choose to be a mother and sacrificed everything for her kids. I am tears now over a fight we just had about a confusion on a date for the movies. I "blew her off" about taking my daugther to the movies cause I thought it was another day. Now she had to "endure traffic and rain to take her on a day she didnt want to." I fight back and I'm "disrespectful." Sometimes I wish I would die. How do you handle someone with irrational viewpoints about what they deserve? I am everything she says my sister is not and she still finds fault with me.

I would like to update this post. My mother passed away. After talking with medical professionals, it was determined that she had a brain tumor that had been growing slowly over the past 20 years. While this doesn't erase the damage, I know that in her final weeks, she expressed her love for me. May she find the peace she never knew on earth in the afterlife. I love you mom!

^I'm very sorry to hear that. :( [quote=msbaby] I wonder if something in people's background make them angry at the world or if they are just so miserable in their own skin that they want to pass it around? [/quote] That's a question I have been asking myself for a long time, in relation to my Mom. I have heard numerous stories about how wild she was when she was younger, from my Dad, her friends, and from my Mom's parents. She partied a lot, did a lot of adventurous things, and dated a lot of people. I don't understand how that translates into raising me in such an authoritative manner, to the point where I can't leave the house without permission. The only guess I can make is that she wishes she was still young and could have fun and won't let anyone else do so unless she can somehow find a way to "live through them". I've currently hit another low point in our relationship. I have decided I'm going to plan a trip to visit another country where a friend currently lives. She has expressed that she won't let me go unless she can come as well. At first I thought I was winning the "battle" against her by telling her she is not respecting me, but I don't think the word "respect" is in her vocabulary. A couple of months have passed since we first had that discussion, and again she is demanding that she come with me. She makes appeals to safety, and last night was telling me how much I would break my father's heart if I left on a trip alone, and how much he would cry. She's playing the blaming and guilt game again and I can't stand it. I feel like if I win this one I might be able to break the destructive dialectical relationship between both of us.

Although my mother had her moments when I was young she pales in comparison to some of these posts. I was also the youngest of 4 so I guess she was a bit burned out by the time I came along. It is not an excuse but when my mother was going through menopause it was eventually discovered that she had Type 2 diabetes. Once that was under control she seemed on more of an even keel. The sister 5 years older than me was a very strong personality. I was the peacekeeper so I think that had something to do with some of the outbursts from her. I was an easy target because I would not argue back. This sister fought depression all of her life. It is too bad that it was not until her late 40's that she finally find a counsellor that worked for her and did not just resort to medication. In our mothers message, at her funeral, she acknowledged that she should have seen someone for her depression. It was not a surprise to any of us. Please don't blame yourself. It is their problem not yours. I went through most of my sister's depressions and suicide attempts. We became close as adults because I could understand by then what her problem was. Even as a support to her I had to learn to pull back and not blame my self or burn out myself. Look after your selves first. Brenda

I stopped speaking to my mother ten years ago. The last time I talked to here I was angry and hurting and hung up the phone thinking I would call her again when I got my head together.

What I learned is that it's a lot easier to get my head together without my mother's toxic influence in my life.

After years of therapy I can honestly say I'm not angry with her anymore, and I don't wish her harm, but ours was an abusive relationship and I had to get out for my own safety and sanity.

It's no different than if you were in an abusive relationship with a man or a lover - if it turns you into a victim, if it degrades you, if you are battered and bruised (physically, emotionally or mentally) then there comes a time when you have to do what's best for you!

I've met several women who have left abusive men. Some of them claim they still love the man, but they left him because they realized he wasn't going to change. When I hear these stories, I think of my mother.

I wish I could have some kind of relationship with my mother, but I realized a decade ago that she wasn't going to change, she isn't ever going to be able to treat me with respect, compassion or dignity. I deserve those things and if she can't see that that's her problem, not mine!

It is so wonderful that you had a nice closure....i had a horrible relationship with my mother....but at the end all was forgiven and i was with her the only one of my siblings when she passed on.. I was glad i was it made my life now a little easier knowing it happened that way...I am happy for you.

What a great bunch of posts. I too had and have an emotionally abusive mother. Always having 3 older siblings with drug and alcohol problems always left me to the side. I received the brunt of her yelling and name calling. I received the ..." You cant do college chemistry thats too hard for you" My mother is manipulative and mean. I went 2 years ago to a therapist that suggested that I stop talking to her...so I did. I also stopped speaking to my sister whom is a Heroin, prescription drug and alcoholic. My older brother Drug addiction and Alcoholic and my other oldest brother Alcoholic. SO I stopped talking to all of them. My life was better, but there were doors in it that were never closed. To cut this huge story short. I do not and never have done drugs or alcohol. I went to school and did very well...I have been married to my husband for 20 years this November..we were not able to have kids, but I ended up raising 2 of my sisters children. One is in college and one is 13. My mother and sister now sit on Facebook and share insults about me back and forth. I called my mother a week ago and decided to tell her how I feel and tell her what she did to me...I am 40 btw. I cried and said how I feel...she had fake empathy and as I was speaking she kept taking calls on the other line from my brother...ah what a mother. Then I asked her to visit ...for the 100th time in the past few months...every time it was no ...until this time..this weekend was her birthday..you know what that means ....little rich Bijoux is going to buy her gifts.( btw the rich part is because my mother calls me a snob for getting out of the gutter that I was raised in) SO ....I ended up calling her with some BS excuse and told her sorry mom maybe another weekend. That ended up on Facebook with my addict sister chiming in with ..her two cents. Why am I telling anyone who will read this? I dont know....I guess so that you don't feel alone...I am calling my therapist today and going back in for a mother overhaul haha as I put it. I have no plans to speak to my mother or Dorothy ever again, she is 75 and I am just hoping she passes away soon so that I dont have to bear this burden of her anymore. The suggestions to stop talking to people that hurt you is great...it does work. Thanks for listening to me ramble...B~

Hi Bijoux,

You are not alone, and I feel all of your pain. You have done well to try to overcome the challenges that you've made. I would like to make some other suggestions on how to deal with emotionally abusive mothers. It sounds as if you have a strong support system with your husband of 20 years. You don't make it that long without having a strong supportive spouse. I commend you for all of your efforts in trying to make it work and in raising your sisters children, it is their loss for not sharing in your accomplishments. Please make contact with me through my email so that further content remain kept. I'd like to give you some suggestions. Please reach me at daughters@bellaonline.com

Thank You for sharing! And you are not alone.


Tuculia Washington
Daughter's Editor

I am having the same problem with my mother. She is always blaming me for things that are not really my fault. For example, she has no friends and are not getting along well with her neighbours and she claimed it was caused by me arguing with her all the time. However, she is the one who started the argument and was shouting most of the time. She is also very manipulative, most of the time she got my father to do the dirty job for her. My father will most of the time agree to her demands as he needed to survive and he has to live with her 24/7 with no income on his own (he has retired and every single cent I gave to them will go to my mother). I gave them around 1k to spend every month and even paid for their car installment but that is still not enough for them. They are constantly demanding more and more from me and their latest request was to move in to my house to live with me and my husband. I plain refused to agree to that and of course both of them have been making me feel lousy and guilty for months. Today was the last straw however as I brought them out for lunch with my husband and they started screaming at me in a restaurant. We were basically everyone's free afternoon entertainment. Then my father raised his hand and did what he had not done to me ever since I turned eighteen - he splashed his glass of water on me and hit me on the head. If not because my husband was there to stop him, I think he would have murdered me. We had to let the security guards restrained there while we fled the scene. I am thinking of refusing any form of communication with them for a month. They have been threatening to come over to where I am living now to create trouble - I am not sure what I can do to protect myself. They are so horrible to put me in this constant fear everyday. I swear not to become this type of parents to my children in the future.

Since your parents raised you, and you are used to this type of parent/child interaction, the best way not to become the type of parent that you had is to educate yourself. You need to learn about what the developmental milestones are for children. Most importantly, you must make a conscious effort not to be like your parents.

Good for you, not being blackmailed into letting these people move in with you and your husband! It sounds like you feel some degree of responsibility to help them. I would suggest that you give them money by depositing it into their bank account or getting it to them in a way where you don't need to see them. Yes, they are your parents, but you don't need to take their abuse. Don't go out in public with them! Why should you spend your money to be abused?

When you say that you are thinking of "refusing any form of communication with them for a month," it sounds like you are trying to punish them. Trust me, this would not be punishment. They would feel vindicated, since you would be such a "bad daughter" to not talk to them for a month. Maybe you are looking for a break? Why not set up a way to funnel money to them, and get them out of your lives except for the money. Then, you know that you are helping them, but they can't abuse you. If they come over yelling and screaming, and you have indicated that you feel threatened by them, get a restraining order. Don't put up with their bad behavior. What would you do if somebody else was doing this to you? Would you call the police? Throwing things at you is assault. If security had to be called in the restaurant, it must have been bad. I doubt if anybody at the restaurant thought of this as "afternoon entertainment." They were probably intensely embarrassed, as well as irritated at having a nice meal destroyed by your parents' bad behavior.

Good luck to you. As somebody who has extricated myself from some emotionally abusive relationships, I wish you the best. You and your husband might consider counselling to build up a toolbox full of strategies for dealing with these people.

Hi worldangel,

I am glad you dropped by. I agree with Connie (Thanks for stopping by Connie)you and your family would need to handle your parents with extreme cause with authorities to make sure no further action or abuse takes place. I am sorry you have had to go through such a trying time in your life to move forward into relationship and then marriage. I commend you for not letting it affect your personal life. I further commend you because you were not only able to live through it but you make good attempts to take care of your parents as needed even when they don't appreciate it. I would like to say that no communication until counseling is made available would be helpful, the strain that it has caused you is to great. You look like you are a daughter that respects her parents know matter what. I encourage you to raise your child(ren) the opposite of the way you were raised. Thank you for stopping by and sharing. To be able to speak about it is only part of being able to move forward on it. Thank You

Thank you for your replies, they are both very insightful to me :) Yes, I want a break from this relationship as it is getting increasingly difficult to communicate with them. I am constantly fearful of what I would say to trigger their anger. Although I have been calling them every night, they have been refusing to talk to me for the past two weeks and kept hanging up on me. Still I persisted even though my husband asked me to stop calling as it is clear that they are not appreciative of my effort. I do want to remit the money to them but I do not have their bank account number and after this incident, I doubt they would give it to me. They are the suspicious type who would think I would want to make away with their money should I ask them for their bank account number.

Hi worldangel,

Send in the mail a money order paid to them, this will cut down on any further contact. The money order can be mailed with a return signature from them. In other words they would have to sign for it when the mailperson delivers it. Again, I commend you for all of your efforts.

I'm feeling very sad and alone today and the posts have helped me realize that I'm not alone. My parents emotionally and physically abused my sister and me and my mother continues to emotionally abuse us. Now that my sister and I have both moved away from where my mother lives we have begun to talk to each other (our parents managed to emotionally separate us so we wouldn't become allies against them). Her stories confirm what I thought had happened and that seems to make me sadder because I can't deny it any more. My parents always played favorites and now that there are grandchildren (who are grown), she continues. I moved away a long time ago and didn't have much contact with them which I now realize did protect my children. Now my mother has started giving things away (she's 89 but sharp as a tack) and has recently given my nephew the two things that I said I wanted most from her house. I'm crushed. I'm angry but more hurt. I don't want to talk to her ever again, not to punish her (well, maybe some) but more to protect me. She called me five times yesterday (angry at me each time she didn't reach me) so I suspect she knows that the cat is out of the bag. This came to my attention on Thursday but I'm already tired of being angry and hurt. What in the world do I do now? Thanks for any help anybody can give.

Hi ilse49,

I am sorry that you have been feeling sad and alone. You have been through a great deal and you are able to talk about it, that says a lot. Being hurt and angrey only hurts you and that's not fair to you. Your mother is at the age that change is almost impossible. Continue to be the person that you are minus the hurt. I would encourage you to seek counseling, their are free organizations that will listen to your concerns and issues and help you get to a better area. You and your sister have come a long way and I want to make sure you continue down this path. Your mother may be at a time in her life that makes her continue to be the person that she is. I encourage you to continue to communicate once a week with a positive hello, hope you are fine, end of conversation. Please continue to stop by and give me your update on how things are working for you. Thanks for sharing and hang in there! As long as this site is here you are not alone, drop in anytime.

I found reading the posts in this thread helpful. I feel somewhat guilty or remorseful because it seems like schadenfreude finding a small comfort that we are not alone in what we experience, seeing that some people have overcome these matters instills some hope though, thanks for those who have the courage to share details about your suffering.

Hi Tyc,

It sounds like you have story to tell of your own. Always know that you are not alone in any situation as long as the daughter site exist. In this forum you will find daughters that have gone through just about anything. And as you see this is an area that you have the ability to feel free and share your stories so that others can share how they have worked through it. Please feel free to post a question or story with other daughters. Your story or situation can better assist someone else in their situation. This is a warm and friendly area and we welcome all daughters and parents to participate! Thanks for sharing!

I have a problem with my parents being emotionally abusive but unfortunately I cannot simply "cut ties" with my mother and father. They constantly berade me for the tiniest things, destroy my self-confidence, and make me feel self-concious. They have no regard for my boundries or my feelings. They have yelled at me, sworn at me (my mother called me a [censored]), called me manipulative (among ither nasty things) and always make me feel horrible about myself. On top of this, they claim to be "Christians" and want me not only to blindly cater to their religion, but accept that all their abuse is because "God" tells them to raise up their child in the way she should go...and that children must honor their parents no matter what. They have a lot of opinions that I don't agree with (but of course I can't say that), and they make fun of anyone who does not share these views. Please help!

I have my own problems with an emotionally abusive set of parents. I have an extremely difficult time at home. My parents are always disrespectful of my space, my feelings, and myself in general. They constantly put me down and whenever there is a conflict, I remain calm and try to be respectful while they spout rubbish at me and yes, they have cursed at me before (my mother called me the b-word on more than 1 occasion). There are times when my parents will wake me up after I have gone to sleep at night to tell me what a horrible person they think I am and will yell at me for an HOUR. This has happened three times an I was bawling afterward and I wanted to die. They have very strict religious views, they won't let me explore any other world views, and they explain their abuse by saying, " The lord wants us to raise you in a godly way, and because we're your parents, you don't have the right to [fill in the blank]. I really need some advice. I have been to a therapist, but my parents are too crazy for the therapist's perfectly logical suggestions to work. I am a very good student (ie straight A's and honors glasses), so will that help me get away from this abusive home? Please help!

Thank you so much for your stories. I relate completely. I have never spoken about my emotionally abusive mother, but here i have found women in the exact same boat as i. My mother and i have hated each other since i was about 5 yrs old. I am now 30. She has always been angry that i prefer my dad over her. When i was little she would lie about me to my dad to try and make me look bad. She would lie to my dad that i broke an item in the house, or that i messed up this or that in the house. My personality has always been very organised and clean and efficient. When i got older i liked to bake delicious cakes, clean the bathroom spotless and picture perfect; re-arrange the furniture and give the living room a makeover, and she would go wild and say that i am trying to impress and show off. Ten years ago i organised our entire book library collection (over 2,000 books)and to this day she gets angry and emotional about that saying i was doing it to show off. She hates it when anyone in the family compliments anything i do, so i literally had to not do anything around the house. Dirty dishes stay in the sink. I don't vacuum. I don't do the windows. Nothing. I just leave it. She feels it's an attack against her if i do any house-work. Whenever my school exams came around she panics and tries to make me drop my law program. If my dad assists me financially with my education expenses she goes nuts. She'll say to me things like "my husband is happy with my looks" (which sounds so weird. She should say dad said this or that... instead she says to me "my husband thinks i am beautiful". Now she constantly sends me crazy texts to my phone. Like a hundred per day. She sounds like a lunatic, and if i point this out, she says i'm the one who is in need of help. Yesterday she texted me saying "your are a thing". "Get lost". Once she said "go and work in the red light district, i don't care". She is seriously mental. I have never seen anything like it. She is obsessed with me. Texting me night and day with her crazy texts. One will say "ok, enough, let's stop this back and forth, you're being childish". Then after twp minutes "What's wrong with you! go away!". My mother is mental. I simply cannot get her off my back. She constantly talks about me to my dad trying to make him dislike me, and to my siblings as well. So i can't even call my dad or visit in peace because she'll be so jealous that we get along, while i don't like her at all. She has started metting out her abuse on my brothers and sister and dad. It is really affecting them. They are not used to it and won't put her in her place the way i do. They suffer alot. I am so sick and tired of her, but i have now made a decision to divorce myself from her. I feel emotionally abused and drained and it takes so much energy to constantly defend myself and put her in her place. Today was yet another day of abusive and crazy texts from her. I replied each one within one second, telling her off and telling her she needs help, she's mental, she has a void she is trying to fill and thinks texting me is the cure". It is so emotionally draining to anticipate the ringtone which is a sign that here-comes-the-next-piece-of-abuse. I am now waiting for the next one to come. I will reply her and tell her that i blocking her number, and will no longer be in contact with her. At the end of the day, i am responsible for my well being, and i need to set boundaries. I will be doing myself a disservice if i keep allowing this human being's abuse into my life. If it was any other person being abusive towards me, i would have cut off all links ages ago. Why allow abuse from this person, just because the abuser happens to be my mother. I am sick and tired of her and i'm waiting for the next text to come so that i can tell her unequivocally to take her psycho ways elsewhere. I will post when i have cut links with this emotional abuser. I;m waiting on her next text.

I have big problems with an emotionally abusive set of parents. I have an extremely difficult time at home. My parents are always disrespectful of my space, my feelings, and myself in general. They constantly put me down, make fun of me or me views, and belittle me. Whenever there is a conflict, I remain calm (like an adult should)and try to be respectful while they spout rubbish at me, and yes, they have cursed at me before (my mother called me the b-word on more than 1 occasion). There are times when my parents will wake me up after I have gone to sleep at night to tell me what a horrible person they think I am and will yell at me for an hour! This has happened three times and I was bawling afterward and I wanted to die. Also, when I need emotional support, they deny it (ie I once entered a poetry recitation contest and I didn't even place. I was so upset and hurt and I said,"I don't understand! I didn't do anything wrong!" My mother said," You don't have to do something wrong for someone to be better than you.") They have very strict religious views, they won't let me explore any other world views, and they explain their abuse by saying, " The lord wants us to raise you in a godly way, and because we're your parents, you don't have the right to [fill in the blank]. I really need some advice. I have been to a therapist, but my parents are too crazy for the therapist's perfectly logical suggestions to work. I am only 15 and my parents always make me depressed through all their negativity and constantly tearing me down. Please do not comment that I am too young to know anything or that it's just hormones; I know neither is true because my parents still try to control/manipulate my 4 siblings (who are 22-31 years old and moved out ages ago!). I am a very good student (ie straight A's and honors classes), so will that help me get away from this abusive home? Please help!