BellaOnline Forums Family Step Parenting stepmom, wife or nanny?

My husband and my lives has taken a drastic turn. my stepdaughters (6 & 10) mom has done some illegal stuff to the point where it is time to switch custody to us having primary custody instead of her. I told my husband i would stand next to him in whatever decisions he made. But now i am starting to have my doubts. It seems like now that the kids are there all the time there is no time for my husband and i. And even worse it's like i am alienated from anything they do together. last night he took the girls in the room and talked to them about their moms bs and this would be the second time that he has done that. When he gets done i ask him if everything is ok. thinking that might open him up to talk to me about what they talked about but he just says "yea"....I know this isnt easy for him but i want to help him out. it seems like every time i try to help he either pushes me away or i say something i shouldnt. He only tells me bits and pieces of things that are going on with the ex and the kids almost like i am on a need to know basis and i don't need to know. kinda like how a nanny would be. I am expected to take care of the kids i.e. take them to the sitter, feed them, bathe them, do their laundry, clean up after them as well as do the same with him. but i dont get included into anything that would resemble anything as something a family would do. we were all 4 supposed to go camping this weekend to celebrate the girls' bday and he really hurt me when he asked me "are you going to stay home this weekend?" i said, "i hadn't planned on it but if that is what you want then thats what i will do." so he told me, "it would just be easier." i gave him the benifit of the doubt thinking that he didn't have enough time to get somebody to take care of all of the animals. later on when i told him that i would stay home so we wouldn't have to find somebody to take care of things he asked me if i really thought he had time to find somebody with all of the stuff that was going on. so i asked him "isn't that what you meant by 'it would be easier'?" he told me no it would be easier because i wouldn't be there to [censored] him off. i just wonder if before when he didn't have the kids all of the time he needed me and that is why we got married and now that he has the kids he doesnt need me other than to be the nanny. i just don't know what to do.....the kids are even to the point that the oldest one acts like she can't say anything about what they talk about in private to me which makes me feel even more left out. i wonder what he has told them to say to me. he doesn't understand that this isn't easy for me either. he thinks everything is so easy cause he never has to do anything but the fun stuff. i want to be a wife and step mom not a nanny and a maid.

Hi there...

I came on to delete an advertisement on my forum and came across your post. I am very heart-moved by your entry and wanted to, if it helps, appologize for some behavior, that feels at least to me, to be leaning on the selfish side of things. So often kids become that wagering (sp?) device for grown up issues unresolved.

I understand wanting to be a supportive wife, however, wife would include marriage, respect, patience, kindness and most importantly friendship. We all can be, at times, not at our best when things get harry and that should be taken into consideration. When you begin feeling completely alone in a relationship and you can see outside of the box - it can be time to take a closer look at your instincts.

Love and marriage, unless it's a business contract, still is "love and marriage."

Best to you!

Karen Elleise
Clairvoyance Editor
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