BellaOnline Forums Beauty and Self Self Development Is your future your choice?

I believe our future is our choice...we create the life we want to live.

What do you think? What keeps YOU from choosing the future you've always wanted?

I'm just getting used to the idea that where i am now is a result of my choices.

I know what you mean...it was a hard pill to swallow. In fact, I used to blame my husband for what my life was like. Now, I'm glad I owned up to my own responsibility. It was empowering to think that my future was up to me.

Yes, Tami, you're quite right.

Isn't it interesting how our whole perspective changes with that realization?

And yes, it is empowering.

I think most of what holds me back is fear... fear of aggression towards me for succeeding, and fear of loss.

Oh, the big "FEAR" word... how that four letter word tends to keep us from entering into the future we want!

I'm no stranger to fear either. However, why should we put our future into the hands of others? Will what we lose even compare with what we shall gain by finally being our authentic selves?

I'm beginning to recognize that I can make a far bigger impact in this world if I succeed at becoming all of who I am. The risk at not moving forward is far greater than the one of staying the same.

I'm also realizing that if people don't like me for who I really am then perhaps they weren't my true friends in the first place. Ultimately, I want people to like me as ME!

What if fear is simply our discomfort at being in new territory? Could we not see it as a signpost that we're moving forward away from the old and into the new life we really want?

I'm choosing to move on anyway. A friend of mine used to have a magnet on her fridge that said, "Courage is fear that has said its prayers". I don't know who wrote it, but that says it all for me.

Tami S asked: "However, why should we put our future into the hands of others? Will what we lose even compare with what we shall gain by finally being our authentic selves?"

Um, well, yes... potentially it can compare. Last time i ventured out to be "my authentic self" full throttle, ...i could have lost my life. Many were afraid i would be murdered. As it was i only lost my husband, my savings, i lost nearly all my friends, my job, and i received health issues as a consequence of continued harassment and stalking. Others were also harassed and threatened as a result of my having been my authentic self.

I can appreciate that for most people, it is more along the lines with what you are describing. And really, i don't disagree with what you just said... in fact, i think you made some very fine points.

I agree it is a wonderful thing to be your authentic self, and yes it is worth losing false friends, and personally, i hope to be my authentic self again, because it is as you said... worth it. It's just... i want to point out that not everyone you will encounter in your coaching practice is going to be dealing with average challenges, and not every fear came into being without just cause. Lately, i've been meeting a lot of people who fall into that category... those who have had so many challenges and have suffered so much that well, it's just going to take more than 'simply overcoming discomforts' to enter into the future they want.

And the thing is, you never know when someone with extra challenges is going to cross your path. Sometimes they already have, and you just haven't realized it yet.

I teach knitting to adults, and after doing it for years i've learned that often women sign up for classes after they've experienced a severe loss, or when they are going though cancer or other life-threatening health issues. I don't know why, but they do. And I may not be in a profession like coaching or counselling, but still it matters that i am sensitive to what they are going through, and that i take the time to really listen, and learn a bit about them and why they came to take classes. And i don't encounter any one-size-fits-all approaches. Do you find that also in your coaching?

No, the Future is not your choice. The present moment is the only choice you have.

The only way you can affect the future is to work on your present, because your future doesn't exist, and the past has gone.

Don't try living "out there" or you'll miss all the good stuff happening "Here and Now".

Tami S ,

We make goals and plan.
We try to achieve those goals.
If we are focussed about our goals, despite many hurdles, we reach them most of them.
I agree with you that we make our future, unless some karmic interruption takes place.

And as Alexandra says, enjoy the moment now.
And I add- Plan and work towards the future with total commitment.

Holly,

By authentic self, do you mean to behave exactly as you are without any hypocrisy and compromises? This may develop into a very exciting thread.

This is an interesting topic!

I think there are several ways of looking at this.

The past often dictates what our present will be, but basically we have only 'today' because we may not be here tomorrow! For example, if you get drunk tonight, you can expect to have a hangover tomorrow. If someone smashes into your car and it is a 'write off' - then you won't have a car in the future, unless you can afford to buy another one. (some people can't) The past does affect the present, and depending on your situation, it can also affect your future.

Other people can also affect your future.

I have had great plans for the future which were shot down by others. I lost two jobs because of lies that had been told about me in the past. They also prevented me ever working again in that general area, which unfortunately was my chosen area. But this didn't stop me! I studied for something else, and became a success at it. Several different things in fact.

I also have lived as my 'authentic self' but was abused and persecuted for it. (I made the big mistake of trusting the wrong people with the fact that I am a lesbian) Again I lost my job (in the days before it became illegal to sack someone because of their sexuality) But I learned an important lesson from this - never trust anyone with this kind of information unless you know them VERY well. And even then, be prepared for them to tell others! The future is never predictable.

So my 'future planning' was not successful. So I lived for 'today' - and made the most of what I had and didn't have expectations - except with regards to one particular intimate relationship. I learned from that too that it is not wise to have expectations, or to place all your trust in anyone.

So I have to agree that living in the 'now' is the best way to go. Certainly there will be cases where our past creeps up and bites us, and there are situations where the past leaves us with things we cannot change. My past left me with Dissociative Identity Disorder and all the complications that go with this condition. But we cannot predict or control the actions of others. We can only control our own.

I like the quote which says:

"Live each day as if it were your last." - so I try not to think too much about the future. To do so is to set yourself up for lots of disappointments!

Patience.