Last Friday, I experienced a stunning development in (my) women's history.

It was a twentysomething co-worker's last day, and we gathered to celebrate her new soon-to-be new life as a full-time grad student.

This is not the stunning part.

She was planning to move back home to her parent's house in Colorado.

This is not the stunning part, either.

She was also leaving her live-in boyfriend of two years, although they hope to keep the romance, intimacy and connection.

That was the stunner.

"You mean she's leaving someone she loves to go back to school?" Sara asked me in shock as I shared Carole's story with some of my friends. "Couldn't she go to Dominican or some school around here? I mean, why would she walk away from true love?"

Why indeed. For my fortysomething friends seeking a new life partner after their divorces four, five, six years ago, the thought of finally finding Mr. Right � a man whom you love, whom you're committed to and live with � and then leaving him is unheard of. It doesn't even make sense.

In fact, some of us had moved thousands of miles to be with the men we loved and eventually married. Goodness knows we had all done some crazy things for love � this seemed to be a crazy thing to do for oneself.

And for that, I applaud her.

I think women tend to do silly things for their men � like move to a place they don't even like to be closer to him; or drop plans they've already made with their girlfriends when a guy comes calling; or think having a baby would make an already tenuous relationship stronger. I think we often give up a lot of ourselves in relationships because we want so hard to make it work, even when it's not and won't. And it isn't necessarily that the man demands or even asks for it; we do it willingly because we want to � or think that's what we want.

Now, it could be that men do that, too, but I don't know that for sure � I just know about women.

And, before my co-worker, Carole, I didn't know any woman who put her love life on hold so she could follow her dream � or at least get her act together. Carole is putting herself first for a while, and I imagine that when she and her boyfriend get back together, she'll be in a position to be a better partner, emotionally and financially. That is, of course, if they get back together, and although that's the plan, there are no guarantees. Of course, there wouldn't be any guarantees if she stayed here and went to a local college, either. She's taking the risk, though.

Have you had to make a tough choice between following your dream and love?
Have you done crazy things for love?
Have you done crazy things for yourself?
And do you truly believe that if a love is meant to be, it can withstand distance and time � even self-focused time?

Kat Wilder's My So-Called Midlife