BellaOnline Forums Beauty and Self Self Development happiness and change

It is better not to fight for happiness. Look at the people who have less compared to you and live life peacefully.

Yes, das, it's not that simple. One-upmanship (which is what it sounds like, in a sense) won't get you peacefulness, either.

Hello Das,

Thank you for joining us. I think i know what you mean, but i'm not sure. Do you mean that a person cannot feel happy, if they don't have a feeling of peace? If you do, i can see your point, and i agree.

And i am often reminded that others are less fortunate. It is not exactly what i'd call a happy thought, though, because i care about them and it makes it seem like life is too hard for most people. That doesn't cheer me up. Does it make you feel better?

What i meant by what i wrote in that section where i described fighting, was that i try to resist focusing on thoughts that make me feel unhappy or frightened. Sometimes those thoughts feel like a bad habit, so i fight it. Does that make more sense now?

I hope you come back and tell us more about yourself.

Alexandra,

About your earlier post...

I appreciate your compassion, but i want you to know i'm really okay. There was a time when things were rough, but that was several years ago now. I'm just trying to ...well, i guess you could say i'm trying to clean up my baggage!

I find that though i'm both happier and healthier when i have close relationships, that i'm not as confident in relationships as i used to be, or as trusting, and i'm more insecure in them which causes relationship problems (i cause them, hahahaha). And i find i have trouble excelling in my career or art because i don't want to be noticed (terrified of it), because then i don't feel safe. I find i can't deal with change nearly as easily as i used to, that i become highly stressed with change, and then i have nightmares and can't sleep and then i can't function as well in the day, and usually things unravel. These are the kinds of "irritating little behaviors" i was talking about. They interfere with my ability to thrive, they even endanger the security of my future. I don't have enough income, and i don't have a secure social structure, though it is a little better than it used to be. And when i try to expand and grow and "get over it"... the nightmares get worse until i'm back where i started. See what i mean by frustrating?

but that's about it. So you see, things aren't as bad as they sounded when i was being vague. I am not in any state of emergency, and i'm not in a mental health crisis. I get up in the morning, i try to shake off the dreams and look positively towards the day, if its a day when i teach i go and do that, i try to exercise and "move forward" every day, if i can, and i try to learn how to be happier, feel safer, be more confident and secure, and i look for good friends, and hopefully, a good primary relationship. And that's really in a nutshell what brought me to here and starting this thread: "Happiness and change."

I think perhaps you understand a little better now where i'm coming from. But this thread is not just for me... it's for all of us! Something brings people to this thread to read or to post. Looking at the numbers, we have many more readers than people who post. It's for them, too. Maybe they will join us at some point, and i hope they do. I learn from other people... their dreams and problems and how they try to solve them.

Well, folks.

On April 1, i started a sort of experiment with myself... to see if i could become happier by the end of April. Well, it is now May 1 and the results are in.

...and it's humbling, haha. I feel, ....about the same!

Granted, i was challenged this month by the fear of losing a close friend and it was bothering me a lot even though i was not talking about it. But life happens every month to all of us. We all have challenges, we never know what to expect, and i'm trying to learn how to change my attitude and appreciation for life, so that i can find happiness easily in little things each day, even with all the things that happen in life, the good luck and bad. Basically... focus on the good stuff more, and the stuff that makes me feel unhappy or fearful less, or differently so that it doesn't disturb me as much.

And i'd like to be more optimistic... i know i probably sound optimistic, but inside, i'm not at all. I lack confidence in myself, so i am pessimistic about what i can accomplish or how i will be treated in relationships... and that's definitely not good.

Now, the thing is about my little experiment, is i had a PLAN... i planned to each morning start my day listing what i was looking forward to, to set goals for my day to solve some of the problems bothering me, and each night to review the highlights of the day...the best parts... the parts that made me feel good.

But i only actually did this a handful of times. The times i did do it, i felt better. So i think perhaps where i failed was in actually DOING it!

I'm going to try again, and try not to get distracted this time to where i'm not practicing the new habits faithfully. I hope you guys aren't tired of this subject... i loved your input and the what you shared!!!

holly-keep it up! Have you watched the movie "What the Bleep do we Know?' If not, you should watch it. Physics has shown that we are programmed through years of habit down to our very cells to think a certain way. When things come up, either good or bad, you will pretty much automatically jump to your most practiced thought-whether it's positive or negative. Unless you consciously try and change that.

It takes time to re-program our cells and our practiced thoughts and reactions. You can't expect to change yourself instantaneously and it's great that you want to work on this. It's always a process that takes time. Don't think of it as failure. Think of it as the process of learning a new way of thinking-which is bound to have ups and downs.

I think the main thing is to try as much as possible to live in the now moment and in that moment try to choose a better thought, a kinder thought, a more positive thought, a more empowering thought.

buy some 3by5 note cards and write down the thoughts you want to focus on and when you find yourself thinking anything that doesn't fit in with what you wish now to be thinking, pull out the cards and find something more positive to replace it with.

Happiness is a choice and we can all choose it! It's just a matter of doing it and accepting responsibility for our thoughts in any given moment.

You should make it a joyous experience and not like "I'm WORKING on this!" You are choosing to feel better and that is a wonderful thing.

Joan

Do you mean that a person cannot feel happy, if they don't have a feeling of peace? If you do, i can see your point, and i agree.

Yes. I believe that. But peace is very difficult to attain. We can yet be happy at intervals.

And i am often reminded that others are less fortunate. It is not exactly what i'd call a happy thought, though, because i care about them and it makes it seem like life is too hard for most people. That doesn't cheer me up.

No. It does not cheer me up. It makes me thank God that I have something to be happy.

What i meant by what i wrote in that section where i described fighting, was that i try to resist focusing on thoughts that make me feel unhappy or frightened. Sometimes those thoughts feel like a bad habit, so i fight it. Does that make more sense now?

You are doing this right. Take away your focus from thoughts that make you unhappy. Slowly they will go away. that is the way mind operates. If you continue with this, you will be happy most of the times.

Hello hollyelise,

You are here to get results. I read all your posts and found that you are not on this forum for chitchat. So here is a method that will help you. Thanks for giving me this opportunity.

Try this easy technique-
1. Think of the incidents or memories that make you unhappy.
2. Think of them in color.
3. Think of them with sound.
4. Bring them near, zoom in.
5. You will feel very unhappy.

After that-
1. Silence the sound
2. Remove the colors.
3. Throw the incident out on the right side of your eyes. Think of the image going away very far till it disappears.

Do this exercise twice a day.
After a day, do not do the first part but focus only on the second part. You will get fantastic results in a week. Good luck.

I'm just shaking off my longest "slump" ever (at least I hope it's ending!). Recently I've had a couple of serious life blows, and I was pretty low for about 3 weeks.

It's not possible to be happy all the time regardless of what happens -- at least not for me. I let the sadness and pain wash over me, and I was tired and drained for awhile. But once those feelings dissipate, then I go back to my normal happy self!

We're all different, though. Our happiness set-points seem innate -- but I think we can adjust them with a little effort.

On the other hand, maybe happiness is that underlying satisfaction with your life. The ups and downs don't change your happiness, but just highlight or overshadow it for awhile. So I was always happy, just sad about the bad things that happened.

Just like on a cloudy or even a stormy day - the sun is still there shining, you just can't see it for the black clouds and rainstorms.

It depends on how we define this word "Happy" again....



You've hit the nail on the head. Bang on, smack in the middle, so it goes in with one fell swoop, perfectly.

It little matters what is going on around us, at any time. Providing we cultivate and nurture happiness, nothing can then destroy our inner core of joy.

What is happiness?
It is seeing things for what they really are. Illusory, transitory and fleeting.
Everything passes. Everything. The good, the bad, the happy the sad (I know, you're all singing now, I can hear ya!!)

Accept this, learn to live with it completely, learn to delight in the good while it's here, and to weather the storm of the bad (for it shall surely pass) and you'll be absolutely fine.