I was in the checkout line the other day at Whole Foods when something struck me � literally and figuratively. An attractive thirtysomething woman in line before me had forgotten something, ran back to get it and then, organic marshmallows in hand, squeezed her way past me, except her perky, ample breasts had no place to go but rub up against me.
They felt ... hard.
And so it got me thinking about the irony of all that natural, organic, trans-fat free, free-range food going into a body that was anything but natural (and I won't even comment on organic marshmallows!)
It's time to have a real discussion about fake breasts. Like 'em or not?
I will say upfront (no pun intended) that I don't "get" fake breasts (except after mastectomies). Well, I understand that for some women, big and fake is the equivalent of a $90,000 sports car for some men for their perceived inadequacies, but why does something fake make us feel better about ourselves?
They don't look "normal," they don't move "normal" and they don't feel "normal" (and please don't ask me how I know all this � just trust). When I was seeing Van, who had dated fake-breasted women in his past, his answer was this, "You're usually looking at them more than feeling them so, what's the big deal?" And yet he was pretty happy with whatever my real but rather modest breasts were able to accomplish.
Sean, on the other hand, can't stand fake boobs � looking at them, or anything else.
I am all for women feeling great about themselves (dare I use the "e" word, empowering?) But I am sad to think that anything fake has to be part of that equation, and that includes Botox, collagen and whatever else we women believe we must do to be beautiful. Should we really be buying into the Hollywood-model-pornstar stereotypes?
And I hear it's common that men have suggested, gently and not, that their lovers/wives get boob jobs. If a guy asked me to do that, I guess I'd have to say, "Sure, just as soon as you get that penile implant."
But then this all falls under that big messy issue called body image, and I'll be talking about that in next Sunday's column.
So ... are fake boobs good, bad or who cares?
Women, are you willing to sacrifice sensation and risk potential health issues for appearance?
Do you enhance for yourself or for your lover?
And should the papers you sign before you go under the knife include a free series of self-esteem classes?
Kat Wilder's My So-called Midlife