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hahahaha!

I was okay. Not exactly happy, but not unhappy either.

Things have been mixed for me lately. I've been through a lot of tragedy and scary stuff in my life, and often suffer from nightmares, and feel more stress i think, than most people in ordinary situations. The past couple of weeks the nightmares have been bad again, so it's been a challenge for me to have good days and have energy to get things done.

But i have some successes, too. I have been better at working towards my goals the last few months. I've been fixing up my house a little (i have an old house), and i've been dating, and writing and looking for additional work. And i think i've gotten a bit better at enjoying life.

How about you? How are you doing?

I am trying to find the meaning of the word happiness. Is it contentment?

And I am so happy that you are fighting your battle bravely. You will win that surely.

Now what did I mean when I used the word happy in my earlier sentence? I wonder.

Thank you.

Perhaps it matters less what happiness means, as it does what it means TO YOU.

I was reading something recently... sorry i can't remember who wrote it... some psychologist i think... who said that a great many people don't know what makes them happy. If i remember right, she was also saying that we often don't realize little things that make us happy... petting an animal, for example, or seeing flowers in a vase. She suggested writing down every time you catch yourself smiling spontaneously or laughing, until you know what makes YOU happy.

The whole idea was to understand, so you can bring more of it into your life. I think it was a great idea. In fact, since you've reminded me of it, i think i will try it for today and tomorrow.

I've gotten off track with my goals for this month. What i was going to do was each morning come up with at least three things to look forward to, each night think of three highlights of the day and things that i could feel good about myself. I was going to set three little goals for each day to work towards my dreams or solve some of the problems i have. I was also going to take care of my health by exercising every day, eating better, drink more water, and keep regular wake times and bed times.

But i quit exercising when it got cold the other day. I'm not keeping regular sleep hours and am staying up too late. This morning i only thought of one thing to look forward to. I'm sort of working towards my goals, but not in any significant way.

Time to get back on track!!!!! I do believe these things will make me a happier person, if i will only do them. And i figured one month is not a big commitment, surely i can do that!

I would like to talk more about happiness, if anyone would care to join.

OH! I did start writing down every time i catch myself spontaneously laughing or smiling... what made me smile.... pretty interesting!

Here are a few things i have so far:

--drinking coffee
--talking to my friends
--seeing the herbs growing on my kitchen windowsill
--looking at design magazines
--hearing about people overcoming challenges to become healthy

What kinds of things made you happy today?

Talking to my mother about her past.
Looking at laughing children.
talking to our housemaid.
Being on Bellaonline.


Coming back- sometimes we make ourselves unhappy when we do not meet our goals. We go in guilt and that is wrong. I would say- Set goals but if you can not meet them, try again but do not analyze.

Your goals are for becoming happy. Why should they make you unhapopy if you do not meet them. You should be happy either way.

This is a real great advise.

If your motive is solely to make the other person happy, you will be happy too.
If your motive is to make yourself feel good about making others happy, then you will fail. It's all to do with the motivation.



There is a difference in purely working in life to make others happy, and having an agenda. Unfortunately, few realise this. They expect a payback of some kind. Gratitude, indebtedness, some kind of reward.... This is always self-serving, and doomed to failure, because 9 times out of 10, others do not react as we would wish.
"No good deed goes unpunished" is a true saying. If all you're looking for is some kind of recognition - and many women do - then your good deeds will go punished rather than rewarded...your kindness gets taken for granted, you develop resentment and complain, eventually, of being treated like a doormat.


The reason for this is that where your mind meets feelings, YOU have the choice of either being fettered or freed. Emotions ultimately lead simply to pain, because we have high expectations of others, and invariably we open ourselves to disappointment. If we expect nothing, then the rewards are, paradoxically, limitless, because we feed our own reward.



People live lies. Ask anyone who seems happy with their corruption, what would make them happy. they will give you some goal or aim...some desire...their seeming happiness is never enough, they believe just a bit more of this, that, or the other will increase their happiness and bring them fulfillment. Why? because those who are happy by foul means are never satisfied....



Happiness accumulated through exterior means is never satisfactory. It never lasts, it fluctuates, it is dependent on transitory, impermanent means of achieving it. True Joy and Serenity arises from within. If you can cultivate this, you need never give permission to external factors to ever trouble you again. 'Good' times may come, and they will surely go. So will 'bad' times. If you are as solid as a rock with your own personal inner peace, your inner tranquility will shine like a lighthouse in a storm-ridden sea.....

My view. Thank you.

Give happiness= Get happiness is the mantra for this.

You have a good point there. I think i judge myself too much. I don't mean to, but somehow that inner critic is usually there, measuring and telling me i'm not enough. I wish it were a simple matter of firing its employ.

Women who find themselves miserable in abusive relationships are not miserable because they are "trying to make themselves feel good about making others happy." I believe that many of them are trying to make their abuser happy because they genuinely love them and are not thinking of themselves at all.... quite the opposite of what you are saying. Their abuser's happiness becomes all important in their world and their own happiness of no importance, so they remain. They don't have enough self esteem to care about themselves, or the ego to try to make someone else happy in order to fluff their own feathers. And they are definitely not seeking rewards... unless you count not being hit or mentally tortured, but that wouldn't explain how their situation began.

So i would say this statement is untrue: "If your motive is solely to make the other person happy, you will be happy too.
If your motive is to make yourself feel good about making others happy, then you will fail. It's all to do with the motivation."

We do not live in a fair world where the selfless are rewarded for their goodness with happiness. I think some are able to be both good and happy, but not all, and therefore goodness does not bring happiness.

Consider children. Most children, particularly young children, are innocent. They are also quite frequently unselfish in wishing others to be happy, particularly their parents. And yet look at how many children in this world are abused and unhappy. If we are to believe your statements, then they are unhappy because they have an agenda and are thinking of themselves.