BellaOnline Forums Family Child Abuse Children- How Not To Hurt Them With Verbal Abuse

I am a man of 54 years now. But despite seeing so many things in my life and experiencing all the emotions, I feel hurt when I am verbally abused. It is not that verbal abuse does not hurt. Some people think that verbal abuse can be easily forgotten and one may go forward. Yes, one goes forward but the scars of the wound inflicted by the verbal abuse go along with many of us. How about a child?

A child can be verbally abused in many ways. Children abusing each other with name calling etc. are common. But worse is verbal abuse by elders. Parents, relatives and teachers form part of this group in a child's life. Many parents have set ideas about how a child should behave. If the child does not behave that away, the parents do not explain them the right way but make fun of them verbally. If such fun is made in presence of others the child's psyche is hurt. The hurt may look very innocent but that makes a child feel insecure about themselves. The children lose faith in their own abilities. They learn wrong methods of behavior. I have seen some parents who verbally abuse their child in presence of the teacher. All the complaints they have about the child are made right in the presence of the teacher. This is a verbal thrashing. Somehow because the child cannot hit back, it is taken as granted by many adults that children can be verbally abused without hurting them. Adults feel good after verbally abusing them and feel that they know how to properly train a child. The facts are contrary. The child feels humiliated.


Whenever we talk to a child, we should put ourselves in their shoes and first think about how that will affect the child. Only after we are sure, we should speak to a child about sensitive issues. Verbally abusing a child is a crime in law, and also a bigger crime in the scheme of God.

I agree with you completely cdmohatta. I was verbally abused by my mother growing up. I am 34 years old now & yes Ihave moved on, but the scars are still there. They will never go away. If I fail at something the first time around, I can still hear my mother telling me that I will never do it right, so I should just quit now. I try to push myself not to & my boyfriend is great about pushing me to continue in a gentle way. It is not easy to get over something like that.

I also did a paper on Emotional Abuse in college & some of the things I read that parents did to there children disgusted me. One example that I have never forgotten was a father had his 4 year old daughter at a bar with him (not sure if it was in his house or not...the store just said that he was sitting at the bar w/ friends & she was sitting on the floor playing, he said to his friends "Watch this I can make her cry." Then he started calling her all kinds of names and eventually the girl started to cry. All the guy's friends started laughing. I cried when I read this and many other stories.

Something that makes verbal abuse SO bad is that, in so many cases, it's hard to prove. Perhaps the only witnesses were siblings. Often, when the abuser wreaks his/her havoc, it's in the privacy of home. These abusers present a pleasant face to the outside world. All the scars from such a situation are emotional not physical. So, some people wonder what the problem is. They think, "I never saw you being abused. You weren't physically damaged--why can't you just put it behind you?" Of course, it's not that easy. It haunts you and undermines your self-esteem. People who perceive it as something you should magically "get over" just unwittingly compound the pain.

Having said all this, it is our job to try to move on, however unfair that seems. Our lives can't really progress if we stay mired in the sadness. We can move on, but I don't think we ever truly forget. It's more like we put the past in a box on a shelf as we proceed with a new life even though that shelf is always just over our shoulder. (Maybe it's good not to forget completely--We know, for sure, what not to do to another human being.)

Parents should think their children are at least as special as the strangers they feel compelled to be nice to!!

I live in a low income housing project, among me are many children of all ages. Verbal abuse is heinous in here. Where the older children are verbally abusing the younger children. like its just every day words. from the parents to the kids

Cela,
Thank you for posting this. I totally agree with what you shared.
Kelli

I think it is sad that killers can use verbally abusive chil hoods to get off on murder charges but the goverment will not help a child who is being abused verbally!

why is it that kids that get spankings for lieing stealling or sneaking out of the house get takeing away by CPS becasuse of child abuse but a parent that calls there kid retarded or is to drunk to know that they have kids get to keep there kids even if the kid is neglected or abused in obveous ways?

when I was little there was a girl in my class whos father called her slut b!tc# and other names = as indearing and no one ever did anything about it. and it was not like he stoped calling her these when others were around. I only saw him when he came to get her at school and yelled " you little B!TC# get you A$$ in the car NOW!" so...

then in 4th or 5th grade he would have his hands all over her and I dont mean in a fatherly way! and when she came up pregent and beat the holy he!! out of her well nothing was done then either but she lost the baby and in high school when she ran her dads car off the road with him in it and killed them both it was to late to do anything then either!!!!

when will people wake up and use there brains to figure out what is right and what is not? why is commen sense called that when it is less and less commen?

Sadly, there probably couldn't be a budget big enough to hire enough CPS agents to follow-up on verbal abuse. Some public service ads on TV and in magazines would be nice, though. Perhaps that might make a few people think.