BellaOnline Forums Beauty and Self Body Image I need help!!

I love that sentiment! What an excellent reminder.

I hope you are enjoying both the process of cooking and the results. There's more to it than just eating; it can be a lot of fun, a way of expressing your creativity, an enjoyment of flavours and smells, as well as providing nourishment to yourself. Try not to take shortcuts just because you're cooking just for yourself. Pretend you're cooking for a loved one (you!).

Laura, what a great motto by which to live your life. Sounds as if you are coming along nicely.

Good Evening All,

I am kind of embarrased to be posting on here right now. Just when I think things are going well, something triggers it off and sets me back. On sunday morning, I was sorting out some old stuff and found an ana inspiration book that I had put together a while ago. I couldn't help but have a peek through it. Then it hit me - that I was 48 kilos - that is equal to a weight gain of thirteen kilos (I think its about 26 or 27 pounds), more than 1/3 of my original weight. That is huge. I completely lost it. I was thinking - I've lost control, how did I get to this state?

So now here I am and I have not eaten in three days. I have been going to my appointments and neither the dr or my therapist have suspected anything.

I just feel like I am never going to be well again. I am going to be stuck like this forever. I want to retain that control that I have had for so long, but at the same time I want to be free of this horrible way of life.

I don't understand life. I don't understand struggles. I don't understand my mind. I want things to be better again, but I don't think I have it in me to continue.

Laura, none of us understands life. We just keep on keeping on. When things get tough and out of control many of us get our butts to a therapist. What would happen if you 'fessed up to your therapist about your setback? She helped you before. Maybe she could help you again. She seems to be good. And don't forget you have to work a long time to get better, but you WILL.

Hi Laura,
I haven't posted before but I've been reading all along on your struggle. I have been amazed at your progress and the strength you've found. I'm on the opposite end of the scale - I've struggled with being overweight most of my adult life. I've never been thin but during college I was active and stayed at a healthy weight in spite of my poor eating habits. It caught up with me, in addition to a thyroid condition which makes it hard to lose weight or keep it off. Now that I've got my thyroid under control, it is time for me to get serious about making healthier choices. Even though I don't have the "ana" issue, I can relate to your struggle to make healthy choices for your body in spite of what your head wants to do. I'm sure you'll experience periods of set back (like now), but you're learning new skills to deal with them. In time, your new determination to be healthy will win over the old control issues. Stay strong - we're all pulling for you!

Laura,

Setbacks are part of healing, I think. It reminds me of alcoholics who never say that they're "cured" -- they're always an alcoholic. They take it one day at a time, struggle a day at a time, and have good days and bad days. I struggle with binge eating; just when I think I'll never do it again, I do it! It does feel hopeless sometimes.....and other times, life is good and I'm back on top of my game.

I'm so glad you posted, it was probably hard to be so humble and vulnerable and honest.

Last night at dinner, we were talking about how life is simply a series of ups and downs, with some major peaks and valleys. You may be in a down phase, and the best way to get back up is to reach out, like you're doing here.

Jan had a good question - how would June react to this? I remember telling my counselor when I had a major setback, it was embarrassing and humiliating, I felt like I'd failed her. But my counselor said of COURSE I reverted to my old way of coping, that's normal because that was how I'd been living for years.

We're pulling for you, like Tbunny says.....
- Laurie

Pink,

Just reading your post and the wonderful ladies that have written you is amazing. I too am so proud of you taking that step in the right direction for YOU and YOUR health. You can never go wrong when investing in yourself. You deserve health, happiness and much more! Please keep intouch with all of us and let us know how you are. BRAVO TO YOU!!!

Sandy

You're in my thoughts Laura *hug*

Today is what is important, not the past three days. Eat something now. Pick up a piece of fruit and see it as a nourishing package of vitamins and minerals that fuel your body and allow your body to function as it should. Put your thoughts into how the fruit tastes and the fact that you are doing something good for yourself by eating it.

You deserve to refuel your body simply by the fact that you're here. You wouldn't drive around in your car without filling up with petrol, would you? Especially since it would probably stop working and strand you somewhere you don't want to be. Don't do that with your body. Right now you're where you don't want to be, so refuel and get yourself outta there

I'm trying. I just cannot do it. I look at it and I just keep on thinking, "seconds on the lips, forever on the hips". I do not know why this is happening. I do want to be healthy.
I feel so ill, yet I know that if I ate that I would not feel sick.

I just want to bury my head under the sand and forget about everything.

Maybe you need a new slogan? Something that's just as memorable as that one, but a positive healthy one about taking care of yourself. Perhaps for now just repeat "Live Well, get healthy" or something like that.

Still sending hugs your way.