BellaOnline Forums Relationships Marriage might marry my italian

Well hello everyone,
My name is Kimber, and I am 18 years old. My boyfriend Ruggero lives in Italy, and I am here in Louisiana, I am planning on moving to Italy to be with him. Well we have talked about marriage, and I am just trying to think it through and not make any stupid mistakes. But I know whatever I do with him is not a mistake because I love him to dealth, and I know he is the one for me. <img src="/images/graemlins/lovers.gif" alt="" /> I would just like some helpful advice. Thanks in advance.

Just out of curiosity, how much time have you spent with this guy? Are you familiar with all his quirks? Are you sure he's someone you can live with?

I am assuming you would stay in Italy. As romantic as it seems to move to another country, as someone who has done it, I can tell you that it would just be more stress on your relationship. Getting used to marriage and to living in another country at the same time can be a daunting task, and it's not likely to be all romance and roses. I know several people who have moved abroad as soon as they got married (I'm a military wife, so this is done all the time), and nobody ever said it was easy getting used to two major life changes at once. You are going to have major culture shock, and since your Italian isn't experiencing it with you, there's a good chance that he won't be able to understand what you're going through.

The good news for you is, you have the benefit of time. You're only 18. God, you're so young. And you haven't even begun to live your life. Do you have any goals and dreams that you want to achieve for yourself before marriage? If so, I suggest you do them. You need to learn to be strong and independent on your own before you jump into marriage. And the stronger and more independent you are, the better you will adjust to life in another country. Trust me, you have PLENTY of time to be a wife. Have you made time for yourself?

Are you planning to move to Italy for awhile before you marry him? That's probably a good idea, but make sure you get all your paperwork in order. There are visas to apply for. You'll probably need to get a job (which will require proficiency in Italian, more than likely). That would be a good way to test the waters first, before stepping into anything more permanent like marriage.

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!
Do NOT do this!
At your age, this would be foolhardy in the extreme...!
How long have you really known this guy?
How old is he?
I am half Italian - did you know that Italians still, even in this day and age, have some pretty rigid chauvinistic attitudes towards women?
And just wait until you meet his mother - !!
Even if you were the richest, prettiest and most successful woman on earth - you would still not be 'the right girl for him' in her eyes - !!

I'm serious - This is a big, fat, huge No-No!!

Sounds like you are talking from experience Alexandra? <img src="/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Why are you in such a hurry to get married? You're so young...if you want to go to Italy and hang out with Ruggero, have at it...Italy is an incredibly beautiful country and you'll have your own homegrown tour guide. Plus, once you're in Europe it's not very expensive to travel around to other other countries. But to marry so young...yikes. Take the time to enjoy being young, revel in your youth.

I will suggest you both spend some more time together. If after another couple of years, you still want to get married to each other, then you will know that you have made the right decision. <img src="/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Please read my post in "How Young is Too Young to Marry."

No matter how much you love him, how perfect he is for you and you for him, I urge you to wait. If your love is meant to be, then there's no reason to rush into marriage.

If he's invited you to move to Italy, I say go for it. But hold off on getting married. This is an opportunity for adventure for you, and there's nothing wrong with grabbing it! But don't spoil it by getting married!!!

And as far as the mom issue: I used to be married to a Hispanic man, born and raised in the U.S., and as sweet and down-to-earth as can be. But when it came right down to it, he was the spoiled little king of the family who could do no wrong. That's how his mother raised him. And it sounds like the traditional Italian family operates very similar.

Once things started to go downhill for us, he got unbearable. It was like Jekyll and Hyde. And his mother, OY. I never used to believe that "you marry the family" stuff until it actually happened to me.

I left him. Oh, and I recently found out his second wife did as well.

If you're determined to get married, then all of this advice is falling on deaf ears. But I hope you will at least heed this one bit of advice: If you do marry him, or anyone within the next 7 years, WAIT to have children. Give the marriage a chance to grow; give yourselves a chance to enjoy your youth together and explore who you each want to be as individuals and as a couple before you add children to the mix. If you grow in different directions, at least then you can cut ties with no regrets, and no further obligation to each other.

I got married at 19 yrs old, and I'm still saying that I should of waited.The thing is the relationship is different long distance between you and this guy, you may visit, he may visit, but when you go home you go alone you may feel oh I love him so much! and I miss him already! but now Imagine moving to italy and then saying eww so this is what he is really like, and then at 18 you don't know what to do with your life and then you jump into something that you later on say this is not what I really want. Make a goal list, you want to travel fine, what if he doesn't want you to, you want a career fine, what if he wants you to stay home and be a woman, you like to look nice fine, what if he wants to get you prego get big so you won't look nice, not saying that when your big you don't look nice but that is the mind frame of some men especially some overseas in other countries. What if he is a womannizer?, most of the men not all, are, and us women do not like that so be very carefull in making this choice you do not want any regrets later.

Kimber,
Enjoy your life and go to Italy if you want, but do not, I repeat, do not, get married yet! Do you know how much pressure you will put on yourself and your relationship by doing two extraordinary things at once?

If there is love betwen you both then waiting is good. Live near him or with him. Experience the newness of being in beautiful Italy-I lived there for two college years abroad in Florence, and it is incredibly rich in culture and langauge.

Learn Italian, the most musical, beautiful language in the world-go to school there. There is plenty of time to become a wife!!

Going to Italy and getting married sounds very, very romantic. I am sure your friends are sooooooo envious. Announcing a change of plans is not so exciting, is it?
All of these women have given you excellent, heartfelt advice. I hope you might truly consider taking them up on it. Tell your girlfriends, that you are going to Italy to soak up a wonderfully romantic year but have no intention of marrying the first charming Italian guy who swears his love to you.They will so want to be lucky you. What no one really admits is that marriage is romantic only for the day of the wedding... housework and dishes and looking after babies is far less wonderful... something your girlfriends would not envy you for! Truly, if you love your Italian, spend time with him, travel with him, but do not marry him until you are 25 at least. By then, you will certainly know if you can't live without him (and his mother!) <img src="/images/graemlins/devil.gif" alt="" />