BellaOnline Forums Relationships Domestic Violence Violence against men

Violence against women is horrible and should never be tolerated. However, I know two men who are in relationships where the woman is the physically abusive one. One guy held up his hand to stop her from hitting him (again), and she called the authorities, and HE was put in jail!

Why do we not allow violence against women yet tolerate it (or don't believe men) against men?

We had another thread about violence against men going. Unfortunately women are seen as "weak" or always the victim because 9 times out of 10 the woman is smaller than the man and people say "Oh how could SHE hurt YOU!" My fiance had this same problem with his ex wife. She would flyoff the handle about everything but if he defended himself, he would get reprimanded. Finally he had her put in psyhe ward of a hospital. He decided to move then. I think sometimes men are embarassed to admit that they are being abused. It is a sticky situation.

Men are abused by women in most nasty ways.
after what I went through, I have stopped called women the weaker sex.

In Canada there is an increase of women getting arrested for assaulting their partners, showing a growth in awareness and non-tolerance.

However there are more women who die every year in Canada at the hands of their male partners. Perhaps that is why there is a focus on men's violence against women. In addition, I wouldn't say that the women who suffer violence at the hands/fists of their partners are weaker, but that dynamics are different. Strength can play a role, but so can eliciting emotions on behalf of a woman (hurting the children, the family pet). Intimidation, control of finances, cutting down image and isolation are a few instances that a man can use all at the same time to abuse a woman. I've gotta run, but I'll explain myself better if someone calls me on this. <img src="/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

It's more acceptable when women are abusing men in relationships(Doesn't make it right but, that's society for you) Although, I'd love to meet an woman that'd physically abuse me lol"Sorry couldn't resist"

YourThronet and Aitell: You'd be surprised at the amount of men who get abused. For example: My mother (5 foot nothing lots of medical problems) would go after my dad (6 foot 1, good physical condition) all the time with what ever she could find, screwdrivers, pans, etc. and leave bruises on him like a madwoman. That doesn't count the times she'd corner him in a room when he'd try to walk away from a fight or destroy his possessions in a bid for revenge for some imagined slight. He would try to defend himself (restraining her, etc) and she'd call the cops and try to get HIM arrested despite the fact that she was the aggressor and the cops would believe her because she's just a little tiny woman and he was a much larger man.

Men just don't want to admit it because a.)it's emasculating and b.) the laws, shelters, etc. are tilted toward the female sex because of the common perception that men can't be abused or raped. Unfortunately there is no groundswell of support of making these laws and shelters, etc. gender neutral due to a certain apathy in society at large which is rather sad in this day and age.

Most men are not emotional like women!!! women will stay with an abuser because 1 she has no where to go 2 she thinks its her fault 3 she has kids shes afraid to raise on her own.... these are just a few!!!

men on the other hand have better jobs so they can leave at anytime with or with out kids no big deal men dont blame themselves they blame the wife for the abuse and sociaty sees them as the abuser because the woman is smaller.... just a few.

this is just my experince but women who stay with there abuseive partners love the attencion and sympathy every one gives them. they love knowing they have used this bad situation and turned it in to a sympathy circus!!! people will bend over backwards to pay extra attencion and help you with what ever because they feel sorry for you and you husband partner is worthless and evil!! so every one is on your side!!! they are minipulaters they tell coworker this hard up story so they help *(read do alll their)work tell there bosses they dont have the money to leave if only so they get a raise. and all they have to do is stay with an abuseive man!!!

I dont feel sorry for them when i know there are places they can go and ways to leave the man with or with out there kids is her choise not his so thats a poor excuse too. my best friend was like this she stayed with the abuseive man and i could have got her out of town safely with her kids and her friends and some people i know had money, car and house waiting for her i another state with some old friends from school so she would not be alone but she stayed.... her baby's father and her abuser killed them both and got away with it by saying she was drunk and fell asleep in the tub giving his son a bath!!! it looked like she od they only problem was she NEVER DRANK OR USED DRUGS!!! it makes me sick!!! she died for attention because she was dieing for affection!!!

men are not this way they are to ashamed to try to get help but they WILL LEAVE AT SOME POINT!!! the have the logic of why stay with her if she hits me? where women have at lest its someone and its attention?!!

it boils down to men cant play the poor pittyfull me act and still be seen as macho men so.

Men do stay in abusive relationships for a variety of reasons, some similar to that of a woman (thinking that they love the abuser, having no where to go, the other partner controls all the finances, etc) and others that are unique to men (the main one being that if there are children if the relationship, they will never see those kids again save for a scant amount of court approved visitation). My father stayed for 12 years because he believed in his vows and he knew that the courts would grant custody to my mother (which they did unfortunately) and he would only get every other weekend with us after that.

I can tell you that men don't blame their wives for the abuse but rather themselves. The thought is "what did I do wrong? How can I make her better? Happy? etc." It's the Social Worker Syndrome but on the opposite face. Don't paint male victims with such a broad brush, Free. It could come back to bite you.

Actually, I'm not surprised at it, unfortunately. I find it horrifying your mother goes after your father like that and it's frustrating there are little resources for males. Especially in small towns. I do hear of males being abused but that is very disproportionate to the numbers of women who are abused.

I still, however, stand by the stats of deaths of women at the hands of their spouses, by the recounting of women and men's experiences of the men using their strength to overcome their women no matter what they try to do to defend themselves.

BTW, I don't know what I'd do but I'd be pretty hard pressed to leave an abuser if he threatened to kill me, my pets, my family or anything else I cared about if I left.

Intimidation is just as strong as a punch in the face.

This is happening because society treats women as the weaker sex.