I wanted to encourage those of you who are having a hard time. I am now a single mother of one. When I got married I was very young and naieve. I had no experience with men or in life. I had no confidence in taking care of myself. My husband saw that and took over my life. I have now lived as a single mother for almost two years. I care for us, I work part time ( I am on disability due to illness), and I buy my daughter beautiful clothes, good food, and plenty of toys. Above all, I give her the confidence to stand up for herself even to her father when it is needed. My daughter is a beautiful girl on the outside, but more importantly she is beautiful on the inside. I am a very good mother, and I can say that with full confidence. All my life I wanted to be a mother, and when I became one, my husband accused me of not being careful enough, and especially toward the end accused me of crazy things like neglect. He knew that above anything I love being a mother, and I am good at it. He knew he would have me in the palm of his hand if I would believe that I wasn't a good mom. I started to believe it and fantasize that I would die and he would marry someone who would treat her better! Shame Shame Shame on him!!! How dare he???
Eventually I found the courage to leave. I have built myself up with the help of family and friends. I now feel that I am pretty; by no means perfect looking, but pretty. I know that I am a good mother and that I can live without a man. I can control my life, point myself in the right direction, and be a better mother than I ever had the chance to be when I was being abused.
Last night I went out with a relative and her boyfriend and another man. It wasn't a date, but we flirted and had a good time. He told me I had amazing eyes. I was coy, and giggly, and just had a good time. I forget sometimes that I am an attractive person, and not just a mom. I am not just someone who takes care of other people, I have some sex appeal. Woo hooo LOL
Anyway, I feel much better than I have in my life. I have hope in my heart of a new relationship in the near future, and this time I am looking for a partner to share my life, not someone to look after me and control my life. I used to think it would be easier to let a man tell me what to do and how to live my life because I figured he would know better than me. Now I know that I have the power. I wish for you all to feel that way too.
Scarlett <img src="/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />
