BellaOnline Forums News and Politics Crime What's really going on in Sex Offenders minds?

OMG what a horrible woman and how odd!

You have to wonder though what was going on in her mind and what has happened in her life to provoke such a nasty and totally uncalled for reaction.

You are a really good example of how choices we make define the way we are no matter what has happened to us in our past.You were abused and indeed you could have turned into a bitter person full of hate and hating the whole world but no you have turned it into a positive and you are out there helping others and spreading awareness.good on you - you are doing a really good thing.

Thank you, Freespirit! You are very kind.

I agree that something touched a raw nerve with this lady. The thought that immediately sprung to my mind was that perhaps someone had accused a member of her family of such an act, and she could not accept it.

When I was in group counselling some years ago for my own problems and 'legacies' of the abuse I had suffered, there was a young girl in her 20's [I'll never forget her because she wanted to die, she was so unhappy] - anyway, she told us that she had been 'thrown out of her home' by her mother, who refused to believe that her husband, the girl's natural father, had been abusing her from the age of three up until she was 12 yrs old. She didn't tell her mother until she was 19, and this resulted in her being 'disowned' and made to leave home. Her mother will have no more to do with her.

(Oh, I could tell you so many tragic stories!) But this was what crossed my mind when this woman reacted in the way that she did.

Just think of it from her point of view. If someone close to her had been accused of this, it would be the most terrible thing in the world for her to accept. The easiest way to cope, is to deny.

I guess none of us know how we would react until it actually happened to us.

The tears we shed that day were for her really. We KNEW we were innocent and had cried all the tears for ourselves long ago. But this lady must have been in great torment.

I tried to go after her, to talk, and perhaps give her the opportunity to 'unload' - but she took off like a rocket. I had to let her go.

That's life!

I just finished taking a course through our local police dept. and the sgt. made a good point about child abuse victims. He said it does not excuse their actions, however it can explain their low expectations in life. That only explains one of many contributing factors. Bottom line, he gave and I think most people agree is that nobody is responsible for another actions only their own.

"I do not believe a sex offender can be reformed - I believe they are sick in the mind and the kindest thing they could do for a start is to chemically castrate them."

You know this comment leads to another debate. I have an issue with this. Not sticking up for abusers, but I don't necessarily buy into the mentality, Once you are a sex offender, you always are or once an alcoholic, you always are. This is the more commonly accepted in today's society. If this is true, why the hell do we even bother having rehabilitation programs!?
For example, if somone was an alcohol for several years, got help & stop drinking for several years & are convinced that they will never drink again, then I don't think it makes sense for him/her to still be thought of or referred to as an alcoholic.
Is this something pushed on society by the rehab centers, psychologists, & counselors of the world to keep them in business? I think it's quite possible.

Hello Once you are an Alcoholic you are for life - it does not matter if you have not touched a drink in 20 years.

The most dangerous thing an Alcoholic can do is convince themselves they will never drink again as they must always be vigilant and realise that they are alcoholics.For an alcoholic it is always "one day at a time" for the rest of their lives...

I dont know if you have had much experience with alcoholics as I have.When I was doing my dip of community services I worked with the salvation army as a drug and alcohol councellor and attended many support programs as part of my studies.

I dont think this is pushed on society by the rehab centers and the counselors like you say "to keep them in buisness" as believe me they have so much buisness as there are not enough beds for victims of Alcohol abuse/drug abuse and it is only getting worse.

Once you are an Alcoholic you always will be but the diffrence is when you have not been drinking for years you are in remission but an alcoholic can never let their guard down.

I am sorry to disagree with you but once a sex offender has crossed that line and commited gross acts with children - NO they can never be refformed,There is no way you could ever 100 percent trust a person like that with a child as I believe they are indeed sick in the head like I said.They can try and reform themselves but tey will never be cured.

That's ok, you can disagree with me all you want. You have that right. <img src="/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" /> What you believe is what most believe anyways. If you're right, why do we even bother having rehab centers & 12 step programs. We should just lock them all up & throw away the key

I also want to mention another double standard. That is, Celebrities.

Do you know that there is a plethora of celebrities that dated or had sex with minors? Here's some examples:

Well first we can't forget about Michael Jackson & R.Kelly.
I'm sure R.Kelly's will get a slap on the wrist. MJ didn't even get that. Yeah we don't know if MJ is a pedophile but I think it's safe to say that he has all the background triats & characteristics of one.

Rob Lowe got busted for having sex & filming it with underage girls. He also rec'd a slap compare to what a regular person would get.

Jerry Lee Lewis married his 13 year old 2nd cousin.
He got a little backlash, but not much. Why wasn't he arrested & tried?

I think Lisa Marie was underage when Elvis started his relationship with her. Why wasn't he arrested & tried?

Led Zeppelin was noted for having sex with groupies as young as 14. Why weren't they arrested & tried?

Rick James dated Linda Blair (the girl in the movie The Exorcist) before she turned 18. Why wasn't he arrested & tried?

Rock musicians Van Halen during their hey day with David Lee Roth, had sex with many underage girls. Their roadies & bodyguards could attest to this. Why weren't they arrested & tried?


Steven Tyler of Aerosmith dated a 14 year old for almost a year in the 70's. Tyler was in his mid to late 20's. He actually convinced her parents to appoint him as her legal gaurdian so she could go on tour with him. He impregnated her which resulted in an abortion. Why wasn't he arrested & tried?


Steven Seagal & Chuck Norris supposedly started a relationship with their nannies while they were married. The nannies I think were at the ages of 16 or 17. Why weren't they arrested & tried?

One of the actors who played one of Tim Allens sons on the TV sitcom Home Improvement ran off with a 32 year old woman when he was only 16. They eventually married. Why wasn't she arrested & tried?

The media portrays Polygamist marriages/unions as messed up even the ones that don't involve the abuse of childern.
At the same time, the media champions Hugh Hefner for having 3 much much younger live-in girlfriends. Guys like Donny Duestch blaintly does this on his show.

*** These are just some examples, I'm sure there's more!
These double standards & the fact they exist make it much harder to put a stop to these predators.

You might want to check out

http://www.ageofconsent.com

It really helps explain where and when the law draws a line on sexual behavior. Many of the instances you just noted wouldn't have drawn legal attention because the young people involved could have actually consented, and thus no one could successfully prosecute for statutory rape.

In my experience doing sex ed, I've seen abuse come really from a space about power and control. People who feel hurt and who feel like they have no control often take it out abusively on others. That's why patterns repeat. And abused kids grow up to be abuser adults often because that's the only "method" or "example" they got growing up.

I think as a society we're doing ourselves a disservice when it comes to these abusers, in that we're not taking the actual steps that could help them and prevent future abusers. It takes attention, patience and education provided to young children and young adults to heal abusive patterns.

These celebrities have had relationships with minors meaning they are not at the age of consent. They get away with it because they are celebrities. For example, if it were Jon Dough instead of Steven Tyler of Aerosmith having sex with a 14 year old girl while he was in his mid to late 20s, we would of locked him up for years. This isn't right. It shows that celebrities take advantage of their riches & fame to make impressionable advances to these minors. Hence, power & control.

I think Lisa Marie was underage when Elvis started his relationship with her. Why wasn't he arrested & tried?


Lisa Marie is actually Elvis daughter I think you may have your facts wrong there...:) Yes Pricilla was 14 years old when Elvis met her but did you know they never had sex until they consumated their marriage when she was 21?



That's ok, you can disagree with me all you want. You have that right. What you believe is what most believe anyways. If you're right, why do we even bother having rehab centers & 12 step programs. We should just lock them all up & throw away the key


We have rehab centers so addicts can learn to manage their illness and live a normal life again.These centers aducate the patients and encourage them to look to their higher power for strength to manage their addiction.