BellaOnline Forums Health and Fitness Miscarriage suffering

I am a first timer here and was looking for someone to relate with. I am 37 and have had 3 healthy girls 19, 17 and 7. I have recently remarried a younger man, only 23 and he has suffered the loss of a his daughter, age 3, in a terrible car accident. We discussed it at length and decided that we wnated to have a baby of our own. I have concerns due to my age, but wanted to try anyway. After 6 months we finally got the wonderful news and were soooo happy. We told everyone, but I have recently suffered a miscarriage. This was the worst experience of my life. The Dr's here are just incompetant. It all started with a little spotting on 2/25/06. On 2/26/06 I went to the labor and delivery dept of the local hosp., because they wouldn't see me in the ER, and got the rudest Dr ever. As she did an internal ultrasound, with my husband behind her, excitedly waiting to see his baby. She did the most unimaginable thing: My husband saw something and asked her if that was the baby, her reply was "There is no baby and will be no baby". She finished her exam, ordered some blood work and walked out. We were just in shock and disbelief. Since then I have had to return twice, every 2 days, for more blood work and ultrasounds. On 3/2/06 we were told that this preganancy was probably miscarrying and that there was only an empty sack on my cervix. We were told that the best thing to do was to take some medication to speed up the process and just let it happen. We took their advice. On the follow up appt a week later they did only a preg test, which was only read by the nurse, and she read it wrong, and then told that it was over and everthing would be fine, to give it a few months and try again. Well, the bleeding stopped a few days later, but i still felt awful late Sat night, so we called the Dr, who never got back to us. We decided to try another hosp and make sure everything was ok. They did a preg test, which came back pos and then began all the awful test again. They confirmed that the miscarriage was complete, but there was a cyst on my cervix, not an empty sac.

I am just so frustrated about the different stories and the 3 weeks of hell that these dr's have put me through. I am still in denial about the whole thing and my husband has his own issues with this, so he just doesn't know what to do for me. I want to let it out and accept, but I guess then it will be all to real.

Does anyone have any advise?

Thank you for reading my long post and I give all my best wishes to all the women who know exactly how I feel. God Bless!! <img src="/images/graemlins/heart.gif" alt="" />

I am her husband and I would like any advise that anyone could me as how to help my wife accept this loss and start to heal. I just do not know what to say to her anymore. She tells me that telling her it is not her fault, it will be ok and that I still Love her does not help.

Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated!

Thank you!

I just signed in Christine and I feel your pain. My fiance and I miscarried exactly one week ago It is not your fault, nor is it your husband's. My fiance feels the guilt too. We both do.

I am available on msn or via email also. [email]n0asark@yahoo.com.[/email] I'd love to talk with you both....and maybe we all can heal. This m essage board seems to be all but deserted.....sort of like we are. Maybe together we can make it through this.....at least....we can relate to each other.....and what's happened. Support each other. heal eachother. I'm logged in now. Feel free to contact me.

It's about 3:30pm here for me now. I work nights and my fiance will get home about 9ish. I'll be leaving to pick up my 8 yr old from school soon and wont be able to get back on maybe until tomorrow. Please email me. The address is listed above. I can email you my phone number so you can get in touch with me even when we cant get online. Some of the darkest moments.....are when I'm alone. I pray I can be there for you. I know what its like...to feel alone.

Hey, guys and gals, I'm sorry that all of you are going through all of this right now. I'm also sorry that ya'll feel deserted here but we all come and go at weird hours.

I can feel the pain that you are feeling, having had a miscarriage myself. The uncertainty of "why" and who is to blame? Be assured that the empty feeling starts to go away a little at a time as the hormones start to get balanced. No one is to blame either, because the miracle of birth is such a wondrous miracle that occassionally the cells don't start the division process perfectly, which can leave us with a less than viable embryo.

To feel better, realize that miscarriage may be God's way of taking care of nature's mistakes. That would leave nobody responsible for the miscarriage, but it would sure explain the "why".

When I miscarried, I had a 4 year old son. My sister had a baby when my son was just 2 and she had so many problems with her pregnancy. Morning sickness, spotting, etc and she was on different kinds of medicines to "help" her carry the baby. The baby was born with multiple birth defects and needed numerous operations the first few years of his life, just so he could be functional. He is almost 30 and lives with the disabilites, mental and emotional problems.

The pregnancy was trying so hard to miscarry but modern medicine helped my sister keep the baby inside for 9 months. Unfortunately, the baby was not forming correctly and the meds kept it from miscarrying, so my nephew was born severely defective.

When I miscarried when my son was 4, I looked at it as a duel edge sword. I was sad and disappointed, but then I realized that miscarriages usually happen because the empbryo is not viable. For that, I was relieved because I could try again, which I did at 35, and things turned out just fine!

Good Luck to all of you! And God Bless you as you to continue to heal! May you realize the good along with the bad, or that every cloud can have a silver lining? God Bless you in the future. <img src="/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Trish

Thank you for replying. I will definately try to get in contact with you. I am only available online at work. I will add you to my yahoo contacts and hopefully we can talk.

Thank you again and God Bless!

This is my first time on this forum, and although I have my husband and friends that I am able to talk with, I do not have any one that has been through miscarriages. I have a healthy two year old, but in '05 had two miscarriages (one at 14 wks). I must say that for my husband and I it was the hardest thing we had ever been through. As a woman who believes in God, I have had to trust that God's plan is perfect. I don't try to question with "why's", becuase if I do it sends me spiraling. As I imagine it does for you. Don't lose hope. Call out and I believe that God will answer your cry. He is the ultimate healer and will help you to walk through your grief. To be honest it has been a long process of being able to say that. I still tear up when I talk about the last miscarriage, but I think that is okay. It's okay to grieve your lost child. It's okay to be sad and to not know what to say. Just don't lose each other. Even when there are not words, just hold each other. Don't shut each other out. I will be praying for you guys.

Thank you.
We actually took the weekend and just got away. We talked and were just there for each for each other.

Thank you again for all the advise!