Hi, Pharm,
You are to be commended for posting your situation on this site. I don't blame you for pursuing the divorce. If you want children, and the exhubby didn't, then you are within your rights to move on, especially if you feel he was selfish and if there was no emotional connection.
The new exboyfriend sounds selfish also!!!!As one of my friends in another forum said so eloquently..."Mr. Right don't run away!!" If this man truly loved you, he would be willing to wait till your divorce was final, would be supportive and there for you!!!
I've recently been thru an experience with a man after 8 years of singlehood since my divorce. I fell head-over-heels in love (and I'm age 54). He revealed to me that he "wasn't in love with me," and I have been dealing with the aftermath now for a couple of months. I admit that I have written to him via email several times, which has resulted in more humiliation on my part. Don't continue to think about our contact this new man!
I went on Amazon.com and bought a bunch of books on the subject. One: "HE'S NOT THAT INTO YOU." It's okay for a boost in your ego and in feeling like you deserve better. Another I highly recommend is "DON'T CALL THAT MAN." I think it is actually better for seeing things clearly, especially if you are in the mindset, like I have been, to seek communication with the fella who is not interested.
Let him go.
Kat has suggested seeking contentment within yourself. That is good advice, and the same to which I am striving right now. I had spent three years in solitude away from any male contact, and I was truly content, at peace, and very happy and balanced before I met this man I've mentioned. My experience with him was that he was emotionally unavailable. The more I tried to elicit a response from him, the more he withdrew. Any comforting words from him would have calmed me, but there were none. He is a Ph.D. in Psychology, and I felt from the start that he was "analyzing" me. My "neediness" must have drove him away, but I was not prepared for a sexual involvement so soon after initially meeting him, despite the intense physical attraction I felt. It seemed to be mutual, and so I guess it was just a wild sexual fling for him. It was much more for me. Now I am reaping the results of it, and trying to move on. My emails to him have resulted in unemotional, clinical-sounding, noncommital responses, and I know, unless I contact him, I will never hear from him again. It's like a DEATH, really, but i know I must let it go. I will NOT send another message his way. The fact is HE DOESN'T WANT ME!!!
Do you want to pursue a man who doesn't want you? I think not. I don't either!!
ARI