I miscarried a week ago. This is such a rough time. Not the miscarriage itself, which was virtually painless. It's all the other things whirling around in my mind.
Let me back up a bit. My life has radically changed in the last two years. I was in misery in dysfuntional marriage, got a divorce, moved back home to the other side of the state, met with my college sweetheart who was also divorced, got a good job, bought a house with my old flame, got married, and landed my dream job.
So overall, life has been very kind. The bad part was the miscarriages. My husband and I both want children, but we're getting older... I was so excited, but nervous the first pregnancy. We weren't married yet then, which made some social situations a bit dicy, but overall I was very happy, as neither he nor I were sure if we could get pregnant.
Then, a week after I broke the news , I miscarried at home. (I figure we were about 11-12 weeks along, but I hadn't made the first doctors appointment as I had just started a new job and until then had no insurance...) No pain, but the blood loss was enough I passed out and my family, whom I was still living with at that time, took me to the emergency room. They gave me fluids intraveinously, and I was able to go home later that same day.
About 8 months later, after many months of hoping, thinking maybe I was pregant, and being disappointed when my period arrived, we became pregnant again. Joy! I wasn't worried about miscarrying again, because I know it is quite common in a first pregnancy.
This time around we waited to tell people anyway. One very cool thing was that my husband's best friend and his wife were also pregnant, with about the same due date. She and I are on good terms, but not exactly close. I was looking forward to us being able to talk about what was going on, and eventually have the munkins playing with each other while we could talk.
A week before my first doc's visit I started miscarrying at work -- my dream job I had started just that week. I told them there was a medical emergency, and I had to leave. I didn't go home, because my husband was working out of town that day, and no one would be around to take me to the hospital if I needed to go. So I went with the idea I'd check in only if I absolutely needed to. If the cost were the same as the out of pocket cost from the last misscarriage, it would have wiped out our meager savings.
I ended up talking to the hospital chaplin, and through him a grief management nurse. (How cruel is it though, to lead a woman in the process of miscarrying past the maternity ward windows where all the little babies were?) Anyway, they talked me into getting checked out by the ER doctor.
They tried to send me home twice (first time, I made it so far as getting dressed, and going to the lobby, before nearly fainting while trying to buy a soda). Second time, I passed out into their bathroom trying to put my pants back on. Eventually I guess I "convinced" them I was indeed in need of medical help.
I ended up, after almost 8 hours at the hospital, getting a D&C and being admitted for observation overnight.
Now, a week and a half later, I'm wondering what happened, and whether we can have a normal pregnancy. Even if we do, the timing will be much different, and I regret the perfect oppurtunity of getting to know my husbands' best friend's wife better.
My doc is great. I wish we hadn't met the way we did, but she's got a bunch of things she's going to check me for to try and figure out what happened and how to prevent it next time.
I'm trying to keep my hopes up.
Thanks for listening. If you got all this way, Bless You!
Really this was more just something I had to say, more than expecting any response. Just knowing other people have gone through similar situations, and hearing from and about you all helps.
Blessed be.
Lilah