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Joined: Dec 2004
Posts: 542
BellaOnline Editor Gecko
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OP
BellaOnline Editor Gecko
Joined: Dec 2004
Posts: 542 |
Got any good jokes?
Q. How many fraternity brothers does it take to screw in a light bulb? A. Three! One to sit on the second guy's shoulders and hold the light bulb and a third to drink until the room starts spinning. <img src="/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />
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Joined: Dec 2004
Posts: 542
BellaOnline Editor Gecko
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OP
BellaOnline Editor Gecko
Joined: Dec 2004
Posts: 542 |
It was New Year's Eve, and a police officer was staking out a popular watering hole, positive that he would snag someone for a DUI violation. The celebrations rolled well past midnight. As closing time arrived, a guy staggered out of the bar, tripping over his own feet, stubbed his toe on the curb, and fumbled with his keys. After a few minutes, he proceeded to try his keys in the locks of 6 different cars, until he finally found his own. Opening the door, he fell into the driver's seat and fumbled with his keys some more.
In the meanwhile, all the other celebrators from the tavern were leaving. They would toss a wayward glance at the fumbling fellow, shake their heads in disgust, and drive off. Finally, after everyone had gone, the guy started his engine and began to drive away.
"Bingo!" said the police officer to himself as he pulled him over, read him his rights, and proceeded to administer a breathalyzer test.
The results were 0.0.
Perplexed, the officer asked how it could be that the guy appeared to be so drunk, but was perfectly fit for driving. The driver replied, "Simple, Officer. I'm the designated decoy."
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Joined: Dec 2004
Posts: 542
BellaOnline Editor Gecko
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OP
BellaOnline Editor Gecko
Joined: Dec 2004
Posts: 542 |
I'm not sure who wrote this one, but my hats off to you! Subject: RETIREMENT PLAN
INVESTING FOR YOUR RETIREMENT:
If you had purchased $1000.00 of Nortel stock one year ago, it would now be worth
$49.00.
With Enron,
you would have had
$16.50
left of the original $1,000.00.
With WorldCom,
you would have had less than
$5.00 left.
But, if you had purchased $1,000.00
worth of Beer one year ago,
drank all the beer,
then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have had
$214.00.
Based on the above,
current investment advice is to
drink heavily and recycle.
It's called the 401-Keg Plan!
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Joined: Dec 2004
Posts: 542
BellaOnline Editor Gecko
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OP
BellaOnline Editor Gecko
Joined: Dec 2004
Posts: 542 |
Which word from Group B belongs with the words from Group A?
A. BLAST, PAPER, BOX, BANK
B. JUICE, BAG, CRADLE, CARPET
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Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 1,726
Chipmunk
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Chipmunk
Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 1,726 |
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Joined: Dec 2004
Posts: 542
BellaOnline Editor Gecko
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OP
BellaOnline Editor Gecko
Joined: Dec 2004
Posts: 542 |
OK, babyquacker! You may be right, but why???
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Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 1,726
Chipmunk
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Chipmunk
Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 1,726 |
Hi, Carolyn. I used 2 thoughts to come up with bag...first, I looked for the association and decided blast and bank were oddballs, so I figured that paper and box held things, like a bag would. The other thought was silly, but what can you carry beer in, other than paper bags or boxes? LOL
Trish
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Joined: Dec 2004
Posts: 542
BellaOnline Editor Gecko
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OP
BellaOnline Editor Gecko
Joined: Dec 2004
Posts: 542 |
I like how you think, Trish! You CAN carry beer in them and have fun! Makes sense, but that's not exactly why you're right. Try again!
Last edited by Carolyn-Beer & Brewing Editor; 02/12/05 10:36 AM.
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Joined: Dec 2004
Posts: 542
BellaOnline Editor Gecko
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OP
BellaOnline Editor Gecko
Joined: Dec 2004
Posts: 542 |
Give up?
Answer: BAG - If you put SAND before each word: Sand bag, sand blast, sand paper... etc. LOL
<img src="/images/graemlins/tongue.gif" alt="" />
Last edited by Carolyn-Beer & Brewing Editor; 02/12/05 10:37 AM.
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Joined: Dec 2004
Posts: 542
BellaOnline Editor Gecko
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OP
BellaOnline Editor Gecko
Joined: Dec 2004
Posts: 542 |
After the Great Britain Beer Festival in London, all the brewery presidents decided to go out for a beer. The guy from Corona sits down and says, "Hey Senor, I would like the world's best beer, a Corona." The bartender dusts off a bottle from the shelf and gives it to him.
The guy from Budweiser says, "I'd like the best beer in the world, give me 'The King Of Beers', a Budweiser." The bartender gives him one.
The guy from Coors says, "I'd like the only beer made with Rocky Mountain spring water, give me a Coors." He gets it.
The guy from Guinness sits down and says, "Give me a Coke." The bartender is a little taken aback, but gives him what he ordered.
The other brewery presidents look over at him and ask "Why aren't you drinking a Guinness?" and the Guinness president replies, "Well, I figured if you guys aren't drinking beer, neither would I."
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