What is love, if it cannot be shared?
I can reason in my mind to find the answers for my own existence, yet I can�t fool my own soul. I exist because love exists, because love shares, gives. If I can just take that thought, without running away trying to find reasons, yet focus more so, on what I believe here and now, experience and share this thruth then perhaps the answers will come, through my experience.
Often my mind find�s it difficult to sit still, it knows it�s fighting a loosing battle with reason, the meaning of which, my soul knows without reason.
My soul also knows what my true potential is, what beauty comes from living life in a certain way, I cannot hide from this truth. My soul has a deep longing for righteousness, yet it fears the downfall of pride and loss of humility. I have a deep hunger for knowledge, yet I fear arrogance and egotism. It seems that for every good experience, the direct opposite may also be possible and it can happen so swiftly, that you often do not realize. Indeed it would seem that one would have to be vigilant at all times, not in judgmental way against others, but more aware of where you are taking your life from moment to moment. Is it possible to experience life in a state of full awareness?
If it is, then this is what I search for. No lapses, no forgetting, a purposeful way that finds righteousness, wisdom, that shares love and gives, yet at the same time, steers away from pride, arrogance, egotism and the many other falls, that can so easy switch one state of being into another.
I must try, for should I not try, then I would fail.
My start point may not be great, perhaps I would have preferred to have been a different person with different experiences. I carry many pains, as countless others have and still do. Yet I must try. To not try would be to fail myself and my soul. Would be to fail the knowing that my soul has. And though I may sometimes want to reach my destination now, I acknowledge the opposite of patience coming through, how easily is it to go from what your soul knows as righteous, albeit patience, to what the mind tries to comprehend.
Dearest mind, is there a limit to patience? Is there a limit to love? Is there a reason for love? Is there a reason for God?
How easily acceptance turns into doubt. Truth blurs, the knowing fades and you are left with the questions, devised by a mind that does not see what the soul sees, perhaps the mind is of this world, yet the soul is of another world as the soul speaks in a language of knowing, whilst the mind tries to reason with it�s meaning.
For now this thought is enough. I am but trying to learn the gradual process and know that endurance plays a key. I am not the finished article, will I ever be? Can the student ever learn enough from the Teacher?
Perhaps the Teacher I have been searching for was there all along, inside.
