This is the first time I've posted in here. I wanted to say, I am fair impressed with your place here, and I'm excited that I might be a part of it. <img src="/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" /> I learned about BellaOnline through Janet, so that's where I "started", lol...
I saw this thread just in the nick of time to start the spread right when you've got the dates set up, so that was cool. <img src="/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> I used the Faeries' Oracle deck instead of a tarot deck, as it is my most favorite deck. I then used several other tarot decks to compliment certain cards if I needed clarification. I did the spread all the way through, and wanted to share...
MOTHER NIGHT OF DREAMS - what specific message do I need to know from my dreams tonight... what of important events of the coming year?
A COLLECTIVE OF PIXIES
How to do the mundane, everyday "things" with "joy".
Reverence, spirit, gratefulness, enjoyment, acceptance, responsively.
How to *participate* in living, honestly, with integrity and virtue.
How to "dance" when doing all thle things I "have" to do.
I already know I have issues with doing anything at all - I am being "lazy", not doing the things that *need* to be done, "sitting in limbo", and then I can't do the things I "want" to do because the things I *have* to do are still tapping me on the shoulder. I feel like I have no joy in my life at all, and "having" to do something just feels "weary". On top of it I feel "guilty" when I don't get things done - I feel it is morrally wrong to be so irresponible. Over the last few weeks though, I seem to be "coming out" of that, and have had sporadic moments of willingness...
I will note here that on this night I had no dreams... could it be that having a "void" in waking life reflects itself in a "void" of dreams at night?
And the question then becomes, how do I create joy in my life? I shall call on the Collective of Pixies to show me!
YULE - WINTER SOLSTICE - How can I best connect to the light within and without when I see only darkness?
IRIS OF THE RAINBOWS
Always keep hope... hope requires that I believe that I have control over myself. *Hopelessness*, as I have realized, is what I feel when I've come to believe again that I have no choice, no say, no control in what occurs in my life. Hope infers that I have a choice.
Because I didn't really understand at first what Iris of the Rainbows was saying, I chose to draw a clarifying card from the Gothic Tarot:
X OF WANDS
At first this only confused me more. All I could think of was "taking actions". Then I realized... perhaps the message was that I give up/into too soon... I often "predetermine" how a situation "will" turn out, and decide to take things into my own hands and terminate a relationship, or change something to "force" an outcome... I take action to soon... which could kill hope...
THE TIME OF BETH - What inner blocks are holding me back from following my dreams?
THE SINGER OF TRANSFORMATION
Resisting the changes necessary for health, for owning a business, for being responsible. Resisting initiation into living. Resisting letting go. Transfiguration, transformation, change and irrevocable metamorphosis... require *fire*, the essence of this Singer. Fire is an element of *action*... is it that I am resisting taking the actions necessary to unblock myself from my dreams? I believe this may be a key...
HOPI TIME OF RENEWAL - What is the best way to regenerate and renew myself, and in this process cultivate tolerance for others?
THE POOK (a challenger faerie, who carries mirrors to show us our fear, denial, inner trauma, inner drama, insecurity, delusions, confusions, and illusions)
Don't lose sight of my inner light - stay true to that. With the help of Pook's mirrors, look at everything about myself and my life, throw out what isn't true for me anymore, refine what still rings but doesn't quite fit - when I can be true to myself, I no longer will need to manipulatively redirect Pook's mirrors onto others.
FEAST OF MOTHERS, CHRISTMAS EVE - How can I connect with the spirits of my ancestors for communion, and to ask for guidance and wisdom?
THE SINGER OF HEALING
Open my heart - conection must be offered, not forced, and that requires *active participation* in my part. True connection must take place on all levels at once - body, mind and spirit... I *must* be present wholly in the moment when I offer this connection. I need only to let go of everything, and just be present and open. Letting go and opening up will dissolve resistances and blocks.
Connection is something that flows "through" me, not "from" me - I am not "separate", we are all in connection.
So, connection could be about letting go of "me" and "I", just like what needs to take place for healing to happen...
For clarification, I pulled from the Tarot of the Dead:
Connecting with honesty, joy and fearlessness (openness).
FESTIVAL OF LIFE - CHRISTMAS - What is the best way to connect directly with spirit for communion, and to ask for guidance and wisdom?
Free expression of my inner light. Opening my wings, "letting fly", being true to the Spirit within.
I have felt "lost" and "disconnected"... and I've already realized that it's because I've "lost" my "belief system" again, or rather, just haven't grown within its parameters, but stagnated with it, when what I used to believe wasn't quite working anymore, I failed to realize it was because my personal understanding of my Higher Powers changed, but I refused to accept the changes.
Freedom of expression... don't "wait around" for the "right time", or be rigid in my rituals... This is another card full of "action" energies, with its implications of exploration... it requires not just study, but *practice*.
Explore, experiment, express... and then let Spirit reply back to me, complete the circle of connection...
12/26/04 (Full Moon tonight!)
KWANZA - How can I express nuturance, in attending to my family and my community, and express the protective energy within me towards others?
THE UNDRESSING OF A SALAD
Live within a balanced base, as salads require "just the right amount"... and UNdressing a salad requires even more dexterity. In living this way, I can be an "example" to others of self-control, of the "ideal" of a free human being, and thereby being strong and protected.
Balance my own life, be open to the fluctations that require adjustment, maintain my own equilibrium so that I don't "react", but rather act on all things in life. Become the leader of my own life... be ready... and be *willing*... to jump in whatever direction seems appropriate to express nuturance and protection... keep a cool head in that expression as well.
For clarification, I pulled from the R-W deck:
TWO OF PENTACLES
*Balance*, choices, "in-relation-to"... well, I guess I might be understanding the Undressing of a Salad after all...
BIRTH OF FREJA - What of the potentials of artistic and creative expression, and female wisdom in my life?
THE SINGER OF INTUITION
Open myself up to the Ether - let things go as they will, don't "control" events with "my" will, work to live within Universal Will. Listen to that voice within... it is already there waiting for my acknowledgement, be willing to be faithful to that alone. Work on improving my receptivity of the Song of Intuition. Patience and practice are the keys.
Information is already available to me if I will just listen to my own inner knowing.
This is the time to really listen to my intuition.
FEAST OF ALCYONE - What is my personal inner message, what does my heart and soul need to know?
THE FEE LION
He looks at me and says "You KNOW you should have done that already!!". I hear too... that I *need* to "do it" anyway, regardless of any fear involved in my logical processes. Would the nagging knowledge that something "big" (for me anyway, lol) will come of what I "need to do" be enough to overpower the inertia and depression the fear instills in me? Not sure yet...
Is "guilt" a part of Fee Lion's message? I don't believe so... instead, I think it is about "if you do this, you'll free up space in your life to be able to recieve".
DAY OF NYMPHS - How can I best connect to my playful side, my inner child, and optimally cultivate this part of myself for the good of all?
THE SINGER OF COURAGE
To not be so afraid of everything and everybody. To let go of my fear of "life". This is a hard one for me, as it was ingrained in me early by primary caregivers, to be afraid of "everything". My mother is still this way...
After drawing this card, I wasn't paying attention to the card, and was writting the above sentence down. When I looked bck at the card for more insights, I discovered I was holding it reversed, and I'm not sure if I "flipped" the card while writing... so...
I shall pay special attention to how pervasive fear and self-doubt are in my life, how much I allow them to control my life. With this card I feel a reverse is an "intensity" of the upright, not an "opposite".
DAY OF REST - How can I walk my path in the most relaxed, confident way, solving problems with detachment?
Face the problmes head-on with common sense - look at my fears/problems for what they are. Be honest with myself about what I am truly struggling with, and what my priorities are...
G. Hobya looks like a "devil" to me... he is described as the faerie who's job it is to "throw" all our boogymen in our faces. He is the one who challenges us to face our fears.
My Personality *and* Soul card is The Lovers in tarot, and so The Devil is my "shadow" or teacher card. With this knowledge, and seeing G. Hobya as a "devil", I also am reminded of all the symbolism that a "devil" stands for me... "temptations", things I do for instant gratification rather than for spiritual growth. If I can't look past the fear to see the truth, then I will not be able to walk with confidence in my path...
NEW YEARS EVE - HOGMANAY
How can I best let go of all that no longer works for me, and open myself to Universal Potential, within as well as externally?
Arval is the faerie of True Voice... I need to speak my Truth, as well as listen to True Sound. I need to tune in more, be sensitive to, body language, incomplete sentences, and unfinished thoughts to try to discover what these signals mean to me about what no longer works for me, about ways the Universe wants me to act in order to be open in all ways.
Ok, there it is. <img src="/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> Any thoughts or other suggestions are welcome. <img src="/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />