With recent reports on news magazines such as 20/20 and 60 Minutes on this topic, I wonder what the participants of this forum might have to say on the subject of cyberporn and porn addictions in general. I've found that it is one of those topics that many are uncomfortable talking about, due to its intimate and personal nature, yet when one does... it surfaces as a problem in a fast growing number of families and relationships. The porn industry is working hard to go mainstream. Biographies of famous porn stars are now showing up on our bookshelves, hitting the bestseller lists. How do you all feel about this?

Curious,
Zee

As a sex educator, I find that when people are able to talk openly about intimacy and sexual relationships, the furtive and addictive qualities that often come with pornography really wane. How does that quote go, "the forbidden fruit tastes the sweetest..."?

Why has a society that has always shunned them before now decided to embrace porn stars and make their bios bestsellers?

You're right, Rae, honest and open communication strips away, if you'll pardon my word choice, the furtive aspects. And yet. I think with this kind of addiction, it appears to go deeper than that. In watching these programs, and also in having this come up as topic in my circles of friends and acquaintances more and more often as a very painful relationship problem... I am fast learning that this is not something that can be allowed to grow without some kind of guidelines, some kind of boundaries, limitations. It is such a basic, strong drive, the sex drive. I don't think it will stop expanding if allowed free rein. In other words, I think what I'm seeing is heading downhill at growing speeds towards chaos, anarchy.

As for the new books coming out, I think the porn industry is working hard to become accepted in the mainstream, and this is part of that effort. I dare say, a successful one. I recently read in NYTimes that that industry now actually has lobbyists working in DC.

Did you by chance see either of these reports?

Zee

Met a twelve year old girl recently who has been addicted to porn for more than a year now.
Got into the computer history and was amazed at the hard core stuff she visits.
Has her own computer in her room so she can lock the door.
Family never expected this!
Other sites I have visited tell me her interest is "healthy."
Any information you could provide to me about the addiction/harms to children regarding this type of behavior would be appreciated.
karen

Nothing healthy about it, Karen. Certainly not for a pre-teen, still emotionally too immature to be able to distinguish between fantasy and reality. Enough adults out there have trouble understanding that boundary line, after all. Porn is demeaning to women especially, but also to men.

I would recommend these sites:

Enough is Enough, see study called "Just Harmless Fun? Understanding the Impact of Pornography" at

[url=BellaOnline ALERT: For anti-spam reasons, we restrict the number of URLs allowed in a given post. You have exceeded our maximum number of URLs.

Thanks, Zee.
Explored the sites you provided.
Am understanding more about this addiction as I go along.
Again, thanks.
karen

Zee,

I have worked in the past for businesses that are part of the "adult industry" on the leather/fetish retail end of things, and have been aware of the industry lobbyists for years.

I myself support the work of groups like the National Coalition for Sexual Freedom, http://www.ncsfreedom.org

I believe that when cultures recognize sexuality as natural, and acknowledge that teens are sexual beings, you can have healthy channels and outlets. To me an atomosphere of denial and repression can only lead to more and more substitute outlets.

Agreed, Rae, that denial and repression are not good. That's why we need to be more informed about the negative aspects of pornography. When sexuality becomes an act of violence and degradation, or when it becomes a means of exploitation or slavery, then we have left the realm of the natural.

ANY addiction, by its very definition, is unnatural. A person loses control over his or her own behavior. An increasing number of marriages, relationships, and families are being torn apart by this addiction. Knowledge is power.

I urge all of you to read this article in New York Times about the sex slave trade in the United States... then talk to me about "freedom" and "natural" and "repression."

http://www.wehaitians.com/the%20girls%20next%20door.html
"The Girls Next Door" by Peter Landesman, New York Times, January 26, 2004.

It was also interesting just last night to watch a CSI:Miami episode about the sex slave trade in this country. It may be fiction, but it is based on fact. I'm glad the media, for a change, is showing us this other, dark side of this harsh reality.


Zee

This is an interesting thread and I'm glad to see all the different viewpoints.

I'd like to add mine...
In my opinion, porn addiction is one that is dangerous. I am aware of the billions of dollars generated through what I consider the sin of lust. I was watching TV today and on the Insider program they were interviewing Larry Flynt, the owner of Penthouse magazine. I commented to my husband that didn't the millions he has made contribute to a healthy lifestyle. I was being sarcastic because the guy looks like, what I think, is the demon that possesses him.

I think that cyberporn is just too available. I think it's overwhelming and can drag one into an arena of degredation that they can't escape from. I have a teenaged son and I am aware of his healthy curiosity in the opposite sex. When I saw that he had been surfing porn on the family computer, I had a little talk with him I told him about my concerns that porn can be dangerous and can lend itself to unhealthy sexual behaviours. I also warned him of becoming addicted to it...you know the need to look all the time. He said he was just curious and I said it was OK to be curious, but I wanted him to understand that pornography presents an image of women and men that most regular people can't live up to. As far as I know he hasn't used the computer for that since then...and it opened up lines of communication between us that before were kind of closed.

Just some of my views.... <img src="/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

I've heard of "sex slaves" in foreign countries. I never would have thought there was a sex slave trade in the United States. Never, never a thought! I am viewing the posted links for more information on this topic. Thanks for the information.

You're welcome, Hugs, for the information and links I've shared here. I hope many take the time to look into this. Being a person who believes living all of life with passion, in all its aspects, I once thought it was all relatively harmless. It's not. I know differently now. I have spent time with some truly damaged souls, given shoulder to some heart wrenching tears, cried some of them myself. The damage done is very real. We've only seen the tip of the iceberg at this point. Because of its extremely personal nature, I think you'll find most keep this addiction, more than other types of addictions, that much more swept under the rug, living in isolation with their pain.

Jenna, keep your eyes open and remain alert. Curiosity has killed more than cats. There are many filters available for home computers, but nothing beats an alert parent and a PC strategically placed in the home where the screen is visible to all, at all times.

Zee

The scariest thing about cyberspace to me is that it has served to unite pediphiles. This once extremely secretive endeavour has managed to spread itself to a worldwide Instant audience.

This was a national news story. A 12 year old home schooled girl asked for a computer. since she was a church going home schooled child her parents complied. ...to make a long story short she put alock on her door which they never questioned and then two months later ran off with some old guy who picked her up at some church outing at 6 Flags then took her some other state and the answer is yes.....he was soooo stupid he had sent her an itenerary that she had kept and naked pictures of him plus other lovely stuff(?) on her computer...he found her the first week she had her computer in a chat room...her Mom worked with my neighbor..the family had no clue, they "trusted her and did not want to invade her privacy because she had rights"......

Honestly I don't see porn being a problem all the time!Maybe for some families and relationships...but me and my boyfriend always look at porn together and even by ourseleves,but we are very open with eachother and this improves our sex life.We don't have any problems regarding porn...I am not ashamed of it either.Maybe if it was causing a problem then I would agree with most of you,but it isn't and as for my daughter,when she gets a bit older and wants to use the computer I am putting a filter on...

How to avoid pornography addiction on the Internet, here's my idears:
[color:"purple"]
1. Consider installing porn content filtering software( Strongly Recommend NetDog ,you can get it from www.netdogsoft.com ) on your computer. it will help to protect you from stumbling into pornography by accident, That's important.

2. Do not try to guess what the address of a Web page is. Many pornographic sites have similar addresses of respectable sites. For example www . whitehouse . com is a porn site. The real address is www. whitehouse . gov

3. Never click on Web site addresses that you receive in an unsolicited email.

4. Do not open attachments that come in email that are unsolicited.

5. Use filtered search engines or reputable directories to find the information you need.

6. Do not search for terms like girls. Think before you enter a search term.
[/color]

Stick with reputable sites.
If something looks questionable, don't let curiosity get the best of you. Delete it or close the window.

any other idears? <img src="/images/graemlins/easter.gif" alt="" />

WOW
Your daughter is so young. The internet can be a good and bad place.

Well I've asked this question before..

would you recommend that to your daughter?

We have an ongoing problem with internet porn and our 15 year old son. This has been an on and off problem for about 2 years now. He suffers from Apserger's syndrome - so has what I guess would be termed an "addictive personality" anyway - at least from a psychological point of view. Add in the fact that socialization is his weakest area, and he is jut ripe for internet porn.

And we do have an extremely open relationship when it comes to talking about sex. I was date-raped at 19, so I have always tried to be very forthright with him, because I don't eer want him to do anything that could be misunderstoos, or for him to misundesrtand a situation. We've had a couple of conversations where I could feel my ears burning and it was all I could do to keep from giggling nervously, but I didn't because I want him to know he can always come to me with anything.

But even this openness didn't prevent him from being interested in porn. It started innocently enough - he enjoys Japanese Manga (started with Yu-Gi-Oh, and has matured from there). And in Americanized manga, it is done for children, but the true Japanese art is for adults - so he ran across some sites. THEN he started seeking them out after that.

My biggest concern with him, is that because of his social issues, he'll take porn to be for real - not the fantasy it really is. And quite honestly a lot of people that don't have autistim don't seem to be able to make this distinction!