I really need some help

Posted By: CassieJ

I really need some help - 12/13/14 04:59 PM

Hello all, I am new here and look forward to meeting all of you. I will make this quick, as I am not sure if I need immediate help or not. DH: History of domestic violence resulting in an Assault 4 charge, did a few years in prison, states he didn't do it. Also got into another relationship where he apparently hit his ex wife, but I don't know particulars. We have been married for almost 2 years. He was very intelligent and kind at first, seemed to be enamored with me. Right around the wedding date was the first time he hit me. He had just started a medication to treat bipolar disorder. We were in bed and I said something he didn't like and he hit me in the face with an open backhand. When I tried to run, he pulled the phones from the walls so I could not call the cops (I didn't have a cell phone at the time). That night he apologized, cried, said he was working on getting help for his anger and PTSD's. I stayed. Then he started hitting his son after we were married. I made his son go live with his mom to keep him safe, as he was literally bruising him. A few weeks ago he told me he felt that he was becoming increasingly violent. A few days later he asked me for a hug, and when I went to hug him, he put his fist into my chest,saying that I was hurting him. Then a few nights ago, he became upset that I did not want to have sex. We argued for a few minutes and then he threw a remote control and it hit the wall above my head and shattered. Then he got up and threw everything on the desk around me about the room, and threw my potted plant over my shoulder, getting dirt everywhere, including in my hair and all over my macbook. When a neighbor called, he immediately stopped and started cleaning the room. He said he felt suicidal and needed help. He had an appointment the next day. When I asked him why they didn't admit him inpatient, he told me that he was not suicidal. I am at a point where I don't know how much longer until the objects that he is throwing becomes me... I want to leave, but I feel that he would likely harm himself or others and I still love him. I don't want to be next, but I have no idea how to navigate this. I don't even know if his throwing things is physical abuse. Has anyone experienced this, and should I get out immediately? I am having a bad feeling in my gut that this may not be even a remotely safe environment anymore.
Posted By: Rosie52

Re: I really need some help - 12/14/14 08:25 AM

I think you've answered your own question when you said this may not even be a safe environment anymore. You need to trust your gut and get out if you don't feel safe. Based on everything you've said it sounds as though your husband has some serious anger and control issues and he's manipulating you by making you believe that he may harm himself. Abuse can be physical, mental and verbal and I think you've covered all of them. You need to take care of you first! If you even remotely think your in danger then you are and you need to get out immediately before it's too late. Take care and stay safe. Keep us updated!
Posted By: Sheryl T

Re: I really need some help - 03/03/15 01:08 PM

Run don't walk away from this! This seems to be escalating. Be safe not sorry.
Posted By: Elleise - Clairvoyance

Re: I really need some help - 05/19/15 01:48 PM

Hi Cassie,

I've been through this twice and it almost always ends the same way. No matter what they tell you, how sorry they are, they go back to what they've already gotten away with. Why? It's a boundary they've gotten used to breaking again and again. It's now a part of the DNA so to speak.

From what you've written, deciding whether to stay or go, if it's based on whether or not leaving may cause him to hurt himself or others, if you try to see it from an arial-view, (taking yourself and the emotional attachments away from the situation) you may be able to see that this is a person that has and is currently hurting himself as well as others.

Being there doesn't seem to be changing anything so why not reach for a better life/purpose that benefits not only yourself but others you have yet to make contact with smile
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