share something your culture does around the time of death.

to an outsider, an irish wake looks like a party.

I grew up in Texas half of my life. Its the Southern way to smother the family with food. Often there is also a get together on the weekend of the funeral for out of town people that come to the funeral, we had ours at the fellowship hall of the church.

We had alot of people over at our house after the funeral and put out some of the food people brought. We also had a viewing for my Father at the funeral home so people who knew him could go by and pay their respects. My Mother was in such shock and had suffered a heart attack herself while my Father had been ill, she did not stay for the viewing.

We did bring lots of family pictures from home to set around what was a LARGE room with a living room setting for people to see my Father when he was well.

I know they do it to help but being around SO many people when all I wanted to do was scream was difficult.

My family is pretty long-lived. Therefore when two of my grandparents on my mother's side died, the funeral was more of a celebration of their lives, rather than a tragedy. After my grandmother's funeral a few years ago, my cousins and I all went bowling in her honor. She had been an avid bowler. It was a wonderful way for all the cousins to do something together, as we all live in different places and rarely are all in the same place at the same time. We knew Grandma would have loved seeing us all together (all but one cousin was able to come). In September, my grandfather passed away at age 94, after suffering from Alzheimer's. This time, all the cousins in my maternal family came, including my cousin who lives in Spain. This was the first time all the cousins had been together at once in probably over 20 years. Again, we went bowling. We were the only ones in the bowling alley at the end of the night, and when we left, the manager asked what we were celebrating. One of my cousins said "We're celebrating our grandfather's life, he just passed away." Even though all the cousins were only together for 24 hours, we knew Grandpa was watching and enjoying seeing us together.

Cindy

Yep in Tx you smother people grifing in food and lots of it!!!
we tend to forget the past over in my family. after the funeral no one talks about them anymore and the pictures are taking down if they are in them. after the funeral we start the clocks back running and life goes on...

oh we stop our clocks after we hear of the death of a loved one in the family and start them up only after the funneral. no one knows why this is done but it has been past down so we still do it out of respect.

I am new hee so I will just jump in. I lost my husband in 2005 of a heart attack. we weren't even married 3 yrs. He was only 36. He has 2 boys and we had a daughter. His boys are just in the last yr been able to come to my house. After my husband passed his ex wife was a royal !!!!! and just the past yr it seems that she has changed her ways. I let my daughter go over to her house and spend time with her older brothers and they now cme over here. So the thing is why all of the sudden is the ex being so nice?? I mean the whole time my husband and I were married she wasn't nice at all to either of us.. I don't know what to think. I do know that she is good to my daughter and wouldn't hurt her and my daughter who is 4 now loves her brothers very much. They are 11 and 15. I still don't trust her as far as I could throw her but I think keeping our kids in touch and being part of each others lives is a great thing and I Thank her for that. so tell me what ya think!!!!

welcome, bikermom! i think the ex was a stinker all that time because she was grieving the loss of her husband. can you relate? you were mad at the heart attack that took him, she was mad at you. what made it hard was that she never had closure - he was still alive, so she was stuck in the first stages of grief. nasty business. now that he has been buried, she is growing thru the grief process, as you are. a person with any amount of maturity eventually realizes that life is short, and children shouldn't be made to pay for things they're not responsible for. she sees your daughter as the angel she is (warning, this goes away at puberty and stays away for a long time!!). be grateful for the miracle, and enjoy all the children. don't be surprised if you and ex become friends. you both loved a wonderful man, and have kids in common. honor him by loving kids, ex, and living well.

I agree totally with Rev. Jaclin Meade. This makes perfect sense!

If it was me I'd just be happy things were going well now. At least family life is a little bit easier and maybe you could even gain a new friend from your husband's ex. You never know.

I think also that maybe she was jelous of you being married to her ex husband... maybe he had change and grown after the divorce in ways that he did not or could not change while they were married and that hurt her and then he died and that hurt more because of the guilt she felt for her action while he was alive and you and your girl are a connection for her to the man that she loved but for whatever reason could not understand. She is also a connection to your daughters dad and believe be she needs to know that its there and its ok for it to be there.

I have stated in other post that I lost my father very young and I had no connections to his family or anything... I realize that this is hard for you and I am glad that you are brave enough to let you girl have her brothers and a connection to her family and her dad!! as she grows she will have question and as hard as it is for you to hear you cant answer them all but her brothers can help tell her what a great dad he was and there mom can fill in the gaps as well. it will give her a sense of the best and not so best of her dad so she can see how she is like her dad and can learn and grow in that knowledge!

Hope this helps!

When my Father died and then when my eldest brother died, we sat around telling stories of our childhood and the things we remembered best - most of them really funny stories. It helped us a lot. And then there were the "comfort foods" that everyone brought to the memorial service in my Mother's home. Pulling together at a time like that is very necessary in our family.

It has been almost one year since my brother passed and still sometimes I find unexpected tears flowing when I think of him or something loving that he did for me.

Free Spirit, i find that fascinating, stopping the clocks. When I thibnk of God, i think He is outside of time, so pretty appropriate.

BikreMom, I think your husband crossing over to the Higher Side of Life, was also a healing for his ex and the relationship between you and she.

Recently, when i turn on tv, i happen to just get ministers talking about, God takes a sad/bad situation and uses it for Good.

I do not blieve that i just acceidentally turned on the tv at that time, but i would say The Spirit moved me to turn the tv on.

I don't believe in accident's in God's Universe.

He uses everything for Good.

Welcome, Phyllis, NatAmEd. You bring up an excellent point - laughter. There is an old notion that laughter is disrespectful. When I officiate at funerals and wakes, I work to get the family talking and laughing. I can still see the face of one old Auntie that was so angry at people telling warm and funny stories, and at me for starting it. Sure enough, a story came up that involved her. Well, the old girl cracked, and a smile played at her lips. Then she got all flustered, which made people laugh even harder. Eventually, Auntie et al laughed til tears rolled down their cheeks. As Joni Mitchell sang, "Laughing and crying, you know it's the same release". And later I got a big hug from Auntie.
I try to live my life to give people plenty to laugh about. (which then freaks them out when they hear the topic i edit!)

Thank you, Jaclin. Yes, both tears and laughter are a necessary part of grieving. One cannot remember our beloved brother without also thinking of the laughter and joy he gave us in his lifetime. Does that mean we never cry - not by a long shot! We cry and we cry hard at times, but every time we think of something he did that was funny and we start laughing so hard, I believe that is Brother's way of sending us a message to go on with life because we retain the love and memories in our hearts.