Sometimes when we plan a new move,a lifestyle change,or spiritual growth, people point and say, "What's gotten into you?!" This can be unnerving since we are looking for validation and cheer leading. However, when this happens to me, I know in my heart that I am on the right track - because I am acting from a point of authenticity which is shocking/frightening to others as I am being a nonconformist daring to learn and try new things. I am removing my mask and unleashing the hidden girl within who is bold, empowered and creative. this is a powerful energy to absorb.

The point is to move forward in a journey by actualizing the self. This means listening to the criticism, the negative comments, and thinking about them. Asking the self, "Is this true? And if so, how can I shore up the weakness or the potential problem?" If the comments mirror the issuer's personal fears and vulnerabilities, then compassion and kindness will empower both parties.

In everything good is something bad and in everything bad is something good.

Dear Debbie -

What a fantastic post! I definitely will take this message to heart, it is wonderful

I think it can become easy to listen to others, rather than listening to one's own heart.

Most peole are just folloowing habits they have learned from their upbringing, which, never helped them delvelop indepentdant thinking. When someone of their group, makes an effort to move out of the status quo, they discourage them, it is a threat to their own secuity. If you get an idea to do a certain thing, just relax for a few minutes letting your body respond with its "felt sense", If you began to tighten up in the stomach area, don't do it. If your stomach feels good about the idea, go right ahead and do not hesitate. Your body knows what is good or bad for you. Learn to trust it.

Debbie, sadly, you can't always share your dreams, especially your "I'm moving forward" dreams. I learned to slowly step away from the person or persons who criticize, belittle or refuses to acknowledge my dreams as being relevant.

I champion my friends and anyone who has the desire to grow.

Human beings fear change. It's a fact of life. That's why Moving and Divorce are very high on the list of things that cause stress in our lives. I always relish the moving up of friends or family because I think of it this way, if they can do it so can I and that makes me feel good for them and good for me too. Everyone needs to learn the attitude of gratitude and practice it every day. Then there's no way they can be negative anymore.

All of you have so many good points.

And as athena says, humans fear change. It's part of our genes to prefer things to be stable - we want to have our prey herds nearby and plentiful, we want plenty of rain for our crops on fertile soil, and we want travelers to come to our villages during festivals for social and merchant reasons (not to lay waste our homes and steal our children).

And all change IS stress. Postive stress is called Eustress and it has the same effect on the body/mind as negative stress.

With all this said, it makes sense that people have a hard time when someone around them starts with the crazy talk of moving, divorcing and changing jobs. i say this with tongue firmly in cheek, but there is still an element of truth to it.

Sometimes I get people not understanding what I am doing, but I just ask my actual friends to please just cheerlead for me anyway. Some can't and I can choose to spend less time with those.

Moving forward through adversity or stress is so important. Sometimes when someone causes hurt and pain in my day, I have to sit back, calm myself, and do my best to go forward with what I must. Sometimes, it takes an Angle to step in and help me to calm down, let the hurt and pain reside, then start again.

You are right, Jilly, change causes stress. Major changes cause so much stress and often, people will pick up on that and give their support, or cheer lead for you.

I have received so much love and support the last few weeks of major change for me and it has helped greatly to relieve stress.

Being positive can help tremendously when stress factors are causing major stumbling blocks.

Great subject and thread, Debbie. Thanks!

Life is all about challenges. I was met with some a year or so ago that brought me to my knees quite often. Honestly I ran a 24/7 pity party for myself, but that has changed and I now chose to be positive, some days are harder then others, but life is about how we handle the roller coasters.

My heart has taken a beating, but it keeps on ticking - that lets me know that I CAN...(fill in the blank with whatever I wish, I wish to be happy)

I know what you mean, Dianne. My heart has taken a beating as well in the past few years. I went through a divorce 2 years ago, a divorce I did not want. Right around that time I met a wonderful and gentle man and I decided to take a chance on him even though the timing was not good. I'm glad I did. He was a kind and giving soul for two years but unfortunately he had bad health. He died from a major heart attack just last month at the age of 49. I miss him terribly. In a lot of ways he was the best man I have ever been blessed to have in my life. Yes, my heart has taken a beating.....

But I am determined to stay positive the best I can. I have a huge undertaking coming up this fall when I will be moving across the country. I am alone here with no family to help me but I will be moving to where I do have family. A dear friend here is not happy I am leaving. She sometimes makes comments to me that I probably won't be happy where I am going, even though I know I will be, at least as happy as I can be after such a big loss in my life. My friend is just being selfish because I won't be close enough to visit her.

It does help when others around you offer support and cheer you on when you are trying something new, especially something life changing, but there will always be those who don't agree and don't want the changes to happen for whatever reasons. Maybe they are projecting their own fear. You need to make your own positive energy and find your own inner strength to persue your goals, and follow your heart to do what you feel is right for you.

Cassie, I hate it when beloved people move away from me. Yes, she is being selfish, but it sounds like she loves you and wants to keep you around! I call that a good thing.

Cassie, I am so happy that you will be living closer to family where you will receive support and love. I applaud you for taking this step as a positive change in your life.

You have been through so much sorrow the last few years and it seems like this move will greatly help you.

It takes a strong and independent woman to do that. I wish you all the best, my dear friend.

Jilly......I know my friend loves me but I really can do without the negative comments.

Telling me I won't be happy living with and near my family is way off base. I have missed my family terribly since they all left here starting 12 years ago. Within 4 years all of my immediate family had moved away to the same area. I am the only one left here, and I am across the country so I can't just drive a few hours to see them. A visit once a year if I am lucky is just not enough. Family is very important to me. I used to see them all the time when they lived close to me, and my mother and I spent weekends together. Going from all of that to next to nothing does not sit well with me. I have not been right since they have all moved.

Another thing, I can't stay where I am anymore. My friends are nice but none live very close to me anyway. I can't find work here, I don't like the climate, and there are too many bad memories. I don't care for the area where I live anymore. I want out of here, and considering all I have been through in the past several years a change is exactly what I need. It would be nice if this particular friend would support my decision, but she is being selfish. She is a high maintenance friend that needs to be called all the time. I can't stay around here just to make her happy.

I do have other friends that support my decision, but even if I did not have their support, it is still my decision to make. I like where I will be moving to.

Phyllis......I am not always feeling strong and independent, but I know this is a move I have to make. Family to me is very important, and I have missed enough years with them already. I had to stay here first because I was married, and then there was just no way I was leaving my wonderful boyfriend and giving up his love in my life while he was still here. But in my heart I've known for some time that I need to get closer to my family some day. The time is now. I don't have any strong ties here anymore. Thanks for your kind words.

Cassie, you are right; a friend absolutely should support your decision even if it makes them sad. That is what I do with my friends, even though i miss some of the ones that have moved away very dearly. There's always facebook.... lol

Good for you in making a move to be a region you prefer with family there! I know i would not be happy if i had to leave the West. I could not imagine being happy on the east coast or in the midwest. I like what I like.

Where are you moving to, then?

I am moving from New England to southern California.

Oh, nice! I love So Cal. I grew up in upstate NY and then moved to San Diego in my last year of high school. Love it there! Good for you.

Dear Jilly -

I agree it is a good thing to have friends who love you and support you. We should all have such friends in our lives.

While I agree that it might be a natural first reaction for some friends to think "I don't want her to go" hopefully a good friend would quickly then move on to " I want her to do what is best for her"

Life is too short to add negativity to it. We should all do our best to care for and nurture those around us.

It seems like people today are very negative and that they enjoy being that way.

That seems true in a lot of cases, Jim. Some people just have the wrong priorities, I think. They are focused on making money, getting ahead, buying the latest technological toys and cars, and they want to be perceived as having social status. The pressure they put on themselves to achieve these lofty goals wears them out in every sense and makes them miserable.

To me, getting back to the simple things in life, caring for others, and spending time to care for my inner being is more important, and it makes me a gentle, compassionate person. If others took a similar approach to life they just might be happier.

Lisa, of course. I am just saying that it's not altogether a bad thing to be missed.

Debbie, i am really trying to understand this. I want to be happier with less and I enjoy making do. I feel zero pressure to put up an image to impress people. I do not understand the psychology behind that. Any ideas why it even occurs?

I think people in general want to feel like they belong. If their buddy has a boat then they want one too. Maybe that buddy is perceived as having more fun and having a better life. That means that more money has to be made so that a boat can be purchased. That will bring happiness to one's life. The same goes for homes, cars, phones, computers, televisions, you name it.

It is just a guess.....a lot of people don't realize that happiness comes from within you, not from things you can put your hands on. Things are just that.....things. They don't live, they don't breathe, and they don't love you back.

I think this is an excellent insight. It's probably the answer wrapped up in a simple sentence.

I think since I have always followed my own drum (as far back as a child), appearing to be like everyone else have not appealed to me.

The beauty of being with other people is that we all have our own unique personality and thoughts. This makes for interesting conversations.

I agree. I like that we are all different. I enjoy learning about other people and their interests.

re material things: i am actually so pleased that I don't have much financial resources. It makes me really think about what I need and want. I feel like life is a fun game of figuring out how to get my needs and wants met without spending money. It gets my creative juices flowing.

I think we are in a country in decline when it comes to trust in government, morals, ethics, temptations, the economy. We just worry so much that happiness almost seems unachievable for some.

I think priorities are all messed up with many people. There is so much concern about getting the newest gadgets, cars, and other material things. Kids don't even play outside as much as they used to but instead play with their computers and cell phones. People feel that they get their pleasure from these things, and there is a lot of pressure to keep up with the latest trends and be like "everyone else".

The simple life of interacting with nature and being in a healthy environment is gone. People get pleasure and focus now from the things they buy, instead of the beauty that can be found in nature and the value in their interpersonal relationships.

If people go back to living simply and within their means, and focus more on the beauty within instead of without, they will be happier by far and will reflect positivity.